We tend to find a lot of things to throw a party for, but none are more worthy than a soldier returning to his or her family from war. It's a life-changing celebration. And if you've tuned into Coming Home, airing Sundays on Lifetime, you know exactly what we're talking about. The previews alone will make you burst into tears. But when you realize what these families give up to go about the business of protecting our nation, seeing them come home and surprise their loved ones makes all of us feel like we're a part of that family. So if you have someone dear in our military, or just love happy homecomings, call your friends and neighbors because we're throwing a Coming Home party!]]>
Don't get us wrong; Christmas is really nice, but it doesn't lend itself to office pools and friendly wagering. That's why we tend to think of March as the most wonderful time of the year. And when we turn on the NCAA Men's Division I Basketball Tournament - aka March Madness - Thursday and Friday on CBS, it will feel like Christmas morning over and over again - especially if there are multiple overtime games and poor officiating. So if you're like us and think hearing Jim Nantz's voice is akin to hearing Bing Crosby wish you a White Christmas, call your friends and neighbors, because we are throwing a March Madness party!
If you're a tall, thin, quirkily-attractive young woman (and/or transsexual), there is no greater honor you can achieve than winning Cycle 4,038 of America's Next Top Model, airing Wednesdays on The CW. Tyra Banks has once again found a spectacularly diverse group of young hopefuls willing to shave their eyebrows and split Tic Tacs three ways in hopes of making it to the top of the fashion world. And who can blame them? The thought of going from Nowheresville to Milan just so people can tell you how gorgeous you are sounds pretty good to us. So if you dream blush-colored dreams and like being told what's wrong with you by flamboyantly gay men, call your friends because we're throwing an America's Next Top Model party!
Some of the best things on earth take place in arenas: the circus, monster truck jams, mass Unification Church weddings, etc. So it only makes sense that we should celebrate and appreciate arenas with a TV show such as Mr. Sunshine, airing Wednesdays on ABC. And not only do we get to enjoy the spectacles of arena life, we get to see one of our favorite Friends, Matthew Perry, on a weekly basis. So if your idea of a good time is sticky soda drying on concrete floors and lines for the bathroom, call your friends and neighbors because we're throwing a Mr. Sunshine party!
Wouldn't it be nice if we were all so philanthropic as to chuck it all - our comfy homes, fancy lattes, paved roads - and head to some Third World humidor in order to help others? Maybe we could build latrines, inoculate children and research ancient remedies while making out with like-minded shirtless young doctors. That's how it works on Off the Map, airing Wednesdays on ABC. And that's the world we want to live in. If it sounds good to you, too, and you can do without the little things - such as clean water and grocery stores - call your friends and neighbors, because we're throwing an Off the Map party!
Childbirth has been around for a pretty long time, so you'd think they'd have most of the kinks worked out by now. But if you watch One Born Every Minute, airing Tuesdays on Lifetime, you'll think the Keystone Cops opened a neonatal unit. From dilating future moms looking to unload their precious bundle to expectant fathers ready to start the emotional scarring before the kid hits the atmosphere, this show makes you believe almost anyone can create a baby. It seems all the breathing exercises in the world won't prepare an orifice for a nine-pound screamer. So if you love the miracle of childbirth but prefer to experience it from the comfort of your couch, call your friends, because we're throwing a One Born Every Minute party!
Isn't it funny that we expend so much energy trying to figure out where we are going and yet so few of us know where we came from? Former "Friend" and now executive producer Lisa Kudrow of Who Do You Think You Are? airing Fridays on NBC, thinks the same thing. Hence the show. It gives viewers a wonderfully personal look into the lives and family histories of celebrities and notables as they explore their ancestral roots. Last season we learned that Sarah Jessica Parker's great-grandmother (times 10) was accused of being a witch at the Salem witch trials! (Not surprising if you ever saw Hocus Pocus.) So call your friends and family, because we're throwing a Who Do You Think You Are? party!
When life gives you lemons, pack up and run to one of the most hostile environments on Earth. That's not exactly great advice, but it makes for interesting television - especially in the case of Gold Rush: Alaska, airing Fridays on Discovery Channel. With his aviation business going down the drain thanks to the economy, Todd Hoffman decided to do what almost no one does: He packs up everything (friends and family included), heads into Alaska's southeastern region, leases a gold claim and starts digging. So if you love the pioneering spirit - and gold! - call your friends, because we're throwing a Gold Rush: Alaska party!
When Aarti Sequeira won season 6 of The Next Food Network Star, we were sure we'd be spoon-fed Indian cuisine until our eyes watered. But now that her new show, Aarti Party, is airing Sundays on Food Network, we realize that America might actually be ready for ginger ice cream and cumin. For real. So if you thought Aarti deserved to win (she totally did) and wish that Slumdog Millionaire was the name of a curd and rice dish, call your friends and neighbors because we're throwing an Aarti Party party!
We've all been there: the day that Mommy and Daddy decide to stop paying for your Chihuahua's personal stylist and expecting you to start doing something called "chores." But to have your credit cards cut up in front of your very eyes and be told, You're Cut Off - a reality series airing Mondays on VH1 - is just wrong. These poor girls are used to Ferraris and furs, not Toyotas and tacos. Can they be rehabilitated and taught how to earn their own keep? Ummm. We don't like their chances. But if you love watching spoiled girls sleep on nonmatching linens, call your friends and neighbors, because we are throwing a You're Cut Off party!
The next time you complain about having to leave early for work because of bad weather, you'd better take a quick look in the mirror and adjust your crown, because you are King of the Wimps. It's about the only headgear not sported by the Tweto family, the stars of Flying Wild Alaska, airing Wednesdays on Discovery Channel. As the owners and operators of Era Alaska, they constantly battle hurricane-force winds and temperatures in the 40s - below zero - while flying planes. So if you love taking your life into your own hands and having it cold enough so that you don't need to plug in your refrigerator, call your friends, because we're throwing a Flying Wild Alaska party! (Sarah Palin optional.)
Each new year brings with it the anticipation that we might finally be visited by extraterrestrials. And now seems like as good a time as ever to prepare for the possibility that our newfound friends might actually just want to eat us or use us as forced labor. (It's true.) To see how this might turn out, tune into V, airing Tuesdays on ABC. At first we'll be dazzled by their technology and stylish haircuts, but before long their true colors (green) will be revealed, and we'll have to hope the fact that the kid waiting tables at the local cafe who never washes his hands might be a blessing in disguise. (You know, germs.) So if you're an earthling and feel like cuddling, call your friends because we're throwing a V party!
If you were asked to name something you can't live without, you'd certainly rattle off food and shelter, but most of us would also say our cars. As Americans, we consider our cars not only part of our families but extensions of ourselves. That's why Top Gear, airing Sundays on History, should end up being as successful as its British namesake. We can't get enough of cool cars, odd transportation and fast driving. So if you're American - or perhaps British (because, you know, they're grandfathered in) - call your friends and neighbors; we're throwing a Top Gear party!
Well, another year has bit the dust. But as is so often the case, we all debate just how to usher out one year and welcome another. This year might we recommend the woman who brought us both Barry Manilow and Otto Titsling - Bette Midler and her The Showgirl Must Go On special Friday, Dec. 31, on HBO. Nothing says "Hiya, New Year" like a 65-year-old woman taking us back through the golden year of gay bathhouses with her show from Caesars Palace in Las Vegas. So if you love jokes about cocaine and menopause, call your friends and neighbors, we're throwing a Showgirl Must Go On New Year's Eve party!
You better watch out. You better not cry. You better not pout. Why? Because Santa Claus doesn't want to hear your crap. He's tired. He's cranky, and frankly, his cholesterol is through the roof. So unless you want coal making an appearance later this week, just lie low and don't rock the boat because Santa Claus Is Comin' to Town, and the entire thing is being aired Friday, Dec. 24, on ABC Family. Replete with back story, S.D. "Special Delivery" Kluger (Fred Astaire), an early version of Anderson Cooper, tells us of the fire that forged our red-suited hero. So if you love Christmas the way a penguin loves a scarf, call your friends because we're throwing a Santa Claus Is Comin' to Town party!