'American Dad'

In a weird way, neoconservatism is a gift that keeps on giving, especially from a comedic standpoint. And now that Dubya is out of office, we need to get our fill of laughter from Seth MacFarlane's American Dad, airing Sundays on Fox. Just imagine Dick Cheney playing the role of Mike Brady but with all the animated political correctness you'd expect from the mind that brought us Family Guy. All the conspiracies of the Cold War are given new life - everything from East Germans to aliens from Area 51. So if you, like us, prefer your fanaticism to be animated rather than actual, call your friends and neighbors; we're throwing an American Dad party!

Setting the scene:
Cartoon themes are great because if you are semiartistic, they allow you to test your creative side. If you aren't, they allow you to test your checkbook. The backdrop should be the largest American flag you can get your hands on that will overflow a room - perhaps a 12-by-18-foot - or you could literally paint two walls in red, white and blue. Then add a few animated cutouts of everyday room features to bridge the dimension between real and animated: a cartoon lamp, a cartoon window and blinds, a cartoon Roger standing by the couch, etc. Have a banner over the buffet saying "Welcome NRA Members (and Langley Falls PTA!)." Consider hanging a few bull's-eye targets. Party favors should include American flag lapel pins and goldfish bowls replete with mini-Klauses. Make up a few "Honk if You Hate Jane Fonda" buttons and pass them out. Have information available for guests who want to join the Republican Party (although we're assuming everyone you invited is already a member).

Attire:
Blue suits for the guys, pink dresses for the ladies, and hippie hemp wear and peace signs for the party crashers. And, of course, side arms.

On the menu:
Nothing foreign, so avoid french fries, French toast, kebabs, falafel or anything that doesn't scream "Americana." We suggest cheeseburgers (made from 100 percent American beef), hot dogs, apple pie and Budweiser.

On the hi-fi:
God Bless the USA by Lee Greenwood, God Bless America by Kate Smith, Born in the USA by Bruce Springsteen, America by Neil Diamond, Hail to the Chief by the United States Air Force Band, Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue by Toby Keith.

The showstopper:
When you're as thoughtful as Stan is about protecting his family and his country, it makes sense to invest in something that will not only show your neighbors your level of dedication but also show your enemies. Purchase a decommissioned Army tank, and park it in the front yard for the party. After all, nothing starts (or stops) a party like a Stuart tank.