'Out of Egypt'

All we ever knew about Egypt we learned from Steve Martin's King Tut bit. So when Egyptologist Kara Cooney started the six-part series Out of Egypt, premiering Monday, Aug. 24, on Discovery Channel, we were fascinated by her lack of dance skills and general disinterest that he was "born in Arizona" or "got a condo made of stone-a." Still there are a lot of other fascinating facts Cooney serves up in an attempt to demystify and "desensationalize" the legends of ancient Egypt. (Yep, every party needs a pooper.) So call your friends; we're heading Out of Egypt.

Setting the scene:

Sure, Egypt might seem like a giant bowl of dust wedged precariously against Libya and Sudan, but the truth is ... umm, yeah... well, let's focus on the positives -- the stuff Kara wants us to ignore! We're going for an inner-chamber-of-a-pyramid look here, so you'll need sand (safesand.stores.yahoo.net) on the floor, walls made of huge blocks of limestone -- which you can simulate by painting sheets of Styrofoam (www.lowes.com) tan -- and then load up on the artifacts. Virtually everything you need can be found at Museum Store Company (museumstorecompany.com), such as canopic jars (perfect for pickles or internal organs of mummies), reliefs of Anubis or Isis, busts of Nefertiti or Ramses II, statues of black cats, scarabs, a sphinx and, of course, the funerary mask of King Tutankhamen ("he gave his life for tourism"). For extra realism, get your hands on a fake sarcophagus of stone or gold. Add a few fake torches on the walls to add some flavor. Invitations should be written in hieroglyphics.

Attire:

Not everyone was Ramses or Cleopatra, but robes and headdresses are oh, so stylish that we can't discourage them. A nice asp armband, leather sandals and Abba-quality blue eye shadow should get Pharaoh's attention -- as will wrapping yourself head to toe in medical gauze.

On the menu:

Lamb kebabs, koushari (lentils, macaroni, rice and chickpeas), flatbread, figs and dates -- any of which can be served out of the aforementioned canopic jars or miniature sarcophagus. Beverage of choice: beer (just one more reason to love Egyptians).

On the hi-fi:

Walk Like an Egyptian by the Bangles, King Tut by Steve Martin, Little Egypt by The Coasters, Egyptian Tomb by Mighty Baby, anything by Sam the Sham & the Pharaohs.

The showstopper:

If Cooney has taken some of the fun out of the pharaoh, throw this shindig at Luxor Las Vegas, the coolest pyramid/hotel/casino this side of the Nile. And remember, what happens in Egypt stays in Egypt (unless you're Howard Carter).

E-mail

• Digg
• Facebook
• Fark
• Yahoo Buzz
• Stumbleupon