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'American Loggers'
Wood. It does a body good. Well, you know,
for shelter and stuff.
And you can thank a logger, such as the guys on American Loggers airing Thursday on Discovery Channel, for that -- you know, for your walls and roof and furniture and, well, stuff. No, these guys don't actually build anything, but the thought of you pulling a tree out by its roots, then getting it to the mill on the roof of your Ford Focus seems daunting. So if you love wood and all the things you can make from wood, spruce up (ha!) and call your family and friends; we're throwing an American Loggers party!
Setting the scene:
The Pelletiers live their lives in the wild, so for this party we need to bring the outdoors inside. If you have woods or trees on your property, start cutting off branches and bring them in; if you don't, head to a local nursery and purchase a few pines and arborvitae -- enough to cover an entire wall of the room. Then try to get your hands on a tree stump or two (they don't have to be huge) for added effect. (Hey, everyone needs roots.) On all of the other walls add a wall mural of a forest. Next, add the sounds of nature so that your guests will start to wish they'd brought a compass. If you can't get your hands on sawdust, consider heading to your local pet store and buying pine shavings. Then either sprinkle them near the stumps and chain saws or use them as a design element in glass bowls. Party favors can include Dixon-Ticonderoga No. 2 pencils and toothpicks.
Attire:
It's harder than we thought to find clothes made of mahogany, so direct guests to C-R-Camo. Their bark camouflage outfits are so realistic you might get accosted by a pileated woodpecker.
On the menu:
This might surprise you, but a lot of food grows on trees! Serve bowls of nuts (pine nuts, walnuts, pecans) along with bamboo shoots and various fruits. Add a nice steak and some pasta to the mix because logging requires some serious carbs. Dessert: chocolate bark.
On the hi-fi:
Fake Plastic Trees by Radiohead, Whispering Grass (Don't Tell the Trees) by the Ink Spots, Big Yellow Taxi by Joni Mitchell, Wild Wood by Paul Weller and anything by the band Pulp.
The showstopper:
While this would be a great time to talk about the Arbor Day Foundation, we're going the other way and telling you to hire Joe King, the "Tree Carver." He'll come to you "anytime, anywhere" and carve a tree or stump into a thing of beauty.
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