'Tattoo Highway'

Ever look down at your biceps and think, "Wow, that looks so naked. I should have someone with a sharp needle come at me and pump it full of ink until it looks like I have a skeletal hula dancer sharing a Triscuit with a rabid bulldog ... ." Yeah, us, too. And that's why we can't get enough of Tattoo Highway, airing Wednesdays on A&E Network. Come on -- 94 tattoos in 36 days? That's insane. But if you're reading this, Thomas Pendelton, our editor would really love Edvard Munch's The Scream re-created on her lower back. You, too?

Setting the scene:

Memory Lane and the Tattoo Highway are about as far removed from each other as can be imagined, but in order to make this party as authentic as possible, you'll need to find yourself a tattoo artist willing to make house calls. You'd be surprised how many tattoo artists operate from rolling studios. But in order to make your home look more professional, you'll want to have all the necessary equipment on hand and on display, including chairs, tattoo guns, ink sets, diagrams and posters, henna kits and, for the faint of heart, fake tattoos. Hopefully whichever tattoo artist you find will be able to bring a wide selection of piercings as well (the best parties almost always require someone capable of stopping blood loss). Invitations can be printed on custom-made temporary tattoos that guests can wear, and party favors can include fake piercings and body jewelry.

Attire:

This may come as a shock, but tattoo aficionados aren't exactly breaking new ground in fashion, so tell everyone to come in something sleeveless and black with dark sunglasses and truckers hats. Don't forget the wallet chain.

On the menu:

A nice deli platter with the meat placed so that it looks like tattoo art -- a rose, "MOM," a snake, etc. You can also do that on a pizza if you prefer.

On the hi-fi:

Surprisingly, there's not a ton of music about tattoos, but leave it to Jimmy Buffett to mention them in a few of his hits, including Margaritaville and perhaps the best song about tattoos ever, Permanent Reminder of a Temporary Feeling. Of course, you could also just listen to the Russian singing duo t.A.T.u.

The showstopper:

Show you have what it takes to compete with Pendelton, and get your hands on the same type of bus he uses on the show -- a vintage Silver Eagle Tour Bus. You can find a '60s or '70s model for sale easily, and your neighbors will love it parked in your driveway.

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