'I'm a Celebrity ... Get Me Out of Here!'

Celebrities are used to getting the royal treatment: limousines, personal chefs, toilet paper. But the economic downturn has forced a small group of "celebrities" -- and we use that term loosely -- to huddle together in the jungles of Costa Rica in a desperate attempt to claim food, supplies, luxury items and relevancy on I'm a Celebrity ... Get Me Out of Here! this week and next on NBC. So if you enjoyed Swiss Family Robinson but thought the life lessons and family love were too much sentimental nonsense and that it could have used a few more girl-on-girl screaming matches, call your friends -- we're going native!

Setting the scene:

Nothing strikes fear into the hearts of  celebrities like not having their personal assistants available to spray them with bug repellent while in the tropics. Nevertheless, we need to re-create Costa Rica on a $500 budget. That means purchasing about 10 palm trees, some mosquito netting and a pet tarantula named Janice. You need games of skill to keep guests distracted whenever Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are on-screen, so get your hands on some blow darts, a few spears and some machetes, and have partygoers test their skills at hitting targets and chopping bamboo. Don't forget to check your homeowner's insurance policy in case someone gets a dart in an unfortunate location. Winners get prizes associated with our amazing cast: photos of Janice Dickinson, DVDs of The Hills, autographed memorabilia from John Salley, a framed newspaper article on the indictment of former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich.

Attire:

Guests need to come dressed as their favorite celebrities, whether it be Heidi and Spencer, Sanjaya, Blago or any other questionably ranked celebrity (we're going as the late Charles Nelson Reilly and still like our chances).

On the menu:

Jungle fare is a great way to detoxify from your KFC or Burger King habit. Go with bowls of fresh fruit from Costa Rica: papayas, mangoes, pineapples, cantaloupe, coconuts, avocados and watermelon. But just so the celebs don't forget their roots, add a nice lobster bisque and a few bottles of Veuve Clicquot.

On the hi-fi:

The Bare Necessities by Phil Harris, Welcome to the Jungle by Guns N' Roses, The Lion Sleeps Tonight by the Tokens, Jungle Love by the Steve Miller Band, Jungle Boogie by Kool & the Gang, Shock the Monkey by Peter Gabriel, I Wanna Be Like You (The Monkey Song) by Louis Prima.

The showstopper:

While the celebs were likely lured to the Costa Rican jungle under the impression they were going to enjoy some "eco-tourism," why not partake of the real thing and head to one of the most biodiverse regions in the world?

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