'Pam: Girl on the Loose'
We can think of two great reasons to love Pamela Anderson: her willingness to get engaged to anyone with a ring and, well, we forget what the other might be. But there's so much more to this versatile actress -- like, her legs and hair -- and it's all currently featured in Pam: Girl on the Loose, airing Sundays on E! Entertainment Television. So if you liked her in Baywatch or in (hey, what else has she been in?) ... call your friends and neighbors because it's time to celebrate all that is Pam. (Oh gosh -- she was also in Stacked and V.I.P. How could we have forgotten those?)
Setting the scene:
Getting back to her roots -- which really are blond, according to our tireless research -- we suggest you go big on Baywatch with sand, a lifeguard stand, life preservers, beach umbrellas, personal watercraft and helium-filled red balloons grouped in pairs. Place posters of the lovely Miss Anderson on the walls and print various stories about her sordid past for the less knowledgeable in the crowd. Let us not forget she was a doe-eyed Miss February back in 1990. In a nod to her charitable side, have a bowl set aside for donations to PETA. Party favors can include DVD sets from Pam's years on Baywatch or Home Improvement.
Attire:
Red one-piece bathing suits -- don't forget the zinc oxide on your nose.
On the menu:
Per Pam's request, anything but Kentucky Fried Chicken. In fact, just serve whole milk and Canadian Club (she was born in Canada).
On the hi-fi:
This one's easy -- just go with the musicians Pam has been married to, engaged to or caught a disease from: Tommy Lee from Motley Crue and Kid Rock. Also, the Baywatch soundtrack. And how about a little Pam herself, with Bryan Adams on When You're Gone?
The showstopper:
While you could just place two silicone implants outside your front door to welcome guests, go for broke with a Nissan Frontier crew cab. Have it painted Baywatch yellow and detailed with "Lifeguard" on the side, surfboards in the back, light bars on top, and then, for the climax, hire Rosalinde, a Pam look-alike, to fool the neighbors.
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