'Jail'
There's no doubt in our mind that you're guilty of something. We can see it in your eyes (they're shifty). It's just that you've been lucky and the coppers haven't caught up to you. Well, in order to help scare you straight, we're throwing a party around the reality series Jail, airing Tuesdays on MyNetworkTV. Remember, if you can't do the time, don't do the crime.
Setting the scene:
Anyone can decorate in gray, but you should go the extra (green) mile and go artsy: Clear out most of your furniture, then hang rolls of solid gray wallpaper stretched from floor to ceiling just in front of your living room walls. Space each strip about 2 feet apart, giving the illusion of massive bars. (Floor pots with lights in the front and back will help make the look more dramatic.) In one corner, set up a miniature jail cell and suggest a quick fundraiser where people's bail money goes to charity. Hire a couple of kids to walk around in rented prison guard uniforms. Place a sign that reads "The Chair" on the bathroom door. Yep, jail can be harsh. Every jail has multiple bars, but yours serves drinks: Everyone gets a coupon for an "Absolutely 100-Percent Not Guilty," made of Absolut vodka and O.J.
Invitations are patterned after arrest warrants and include a prisoner number for guests to wear during the soiree. Party favors include soap on a rope, DVDs of The Green Mile and The Shawshank Redemption, and subscriptions to Martha Stewart Living.
Attire:
One word: stripes.
On the menu:
Bread and water tend to be the cliche diet of the big house, and while you should offer a pail of water with a ladle for those on the chain gang, work the "last meal" angle with a surf 'n' turf menu of stuffed shrimp, lobster tail, prime rib, potatoes au gratin and rice pilaf followed by chocolate cake and ice cream. To top it off, everyone does a shot of "the electric chair" (equal parts gin, rum and Blue Curacao).
On the hi-fi:
Jailhouse Rock by Elvis Presley; Cell Block Tango from the soundtrack to Chicago; Prison Song by System of a Down.
The showstopper:
If you're more of a white-collar criminal, we suggest you do hard time at the Malmaison Oxford hotel in England. Formerly Oxford Prison, the massive structure was renovated in 2005 and is now a quirky luxury hotel.
Oxford Prison sure is quirky, I stayed there with my husband was blown away by the funky hotel - one thing is there is no parking!
Oxford Prison sure is quirky, I stayed there with my husband was blown away by the funky hotel - one thing is there is no parking!