'Snoop Dogg's Father Hood'

The housing market is spiraling downward with no end in sight. So what can a homeowner hope for in the immediate future to save himself from watching his property values plummet? Pray that Snoop Dogg moves into the neighborhood. Sunday nights on E! Entertainment Television, Snoop Dogg's Father Hood shows just what it's like to live on Snoop's street and experience his fatherly wisdom firsthand. So gizzle yo crackas 'n' homies 'n' let's party like a rizzle to the S-T-to-tha-izzar. Translation: get down with your bad self.

Setting the scene:
The Dogg house is equal parts glam and ghetto, and the Dogg Father likes to keep it real with the family, so this party needs to include kids if possible. If not, we recommend pushing it a little closer to the NC-17 rating most of Snoop's videos tend to gravitate toward. With that said, you'll need to hire some oiled-up bikini models to walk around. On the walls be sure to express your love for the Dogg Pound -- AllPosters.com has numerous choices featuring Snoop. Drape fake fur throws over most of the living room furniture. Paper one wall of the room with brick wallpaper and hire a local artist to graffiti it. Fog machines are a nice touch, too. Invitations can be composed at www.gizoogle.com, where you can automatically turn standard English into Snoop-speak. Party favors should include a variety of Snoop's CDs.

Attire:
Athletic jerseys, ball caps, baggy jeans over boxer shorts over boxer briefs, sunglasses, rings, bracelets, necklaces, grillz and diamond stud earrings.

On the menu:
Hot Doggs, ya dig? Snoop's family also has a penchant for waffles and Kentucky Fried Chicken. And for the beverage of choice, Ice-T!

On the hi-fi:
You're kidding, right? All Snoop, all the time. And hire a real disc jockey to scratch old school.

The showstopper:
Nothing says "rap mogul lives here" more than a new Bentley Continental GTC with oversized dubs parked in the driveway. If you can't afford one -- what? -- rent one! Either way, be sure to have a few of the bikini girls washing it during the party, with Snoop tunes blaring. That's how the videos do it.

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