Orlando Bloom engaged to model Miranda Kerr?

Ladies, the Elf is off the market. Or is he?

News about "Lord of the Rings" hottie Orlando Bloom reportedly being engaged to his Victoria's Secret lingerie model girlfriend Miranda Kerr are being refuted by her rep.

Australian Telegraph reports of the impending nuptials are being denied. So here's the good news for Orlando fans.

Here is Kerr's publicist's statement: "The story published in the Australian Sunday Telegraph suggesting Miranda exclusively revealed she is getting married is completely false and misleading. Miranda herself has clearly stated she is not engaged. There is nothing else to be said."

However, Kerr recently told Page Six: "I've always wanted kids, so someday, eventually, yes, it will happen,'' she said. "My ideal situation would be to live on a farm in a solar-powered house with a hammock and a vegetable patch. When this is all over, that's where I'll be.''

Sure sounds like a little Orly/Miranda love nest is in the works.

Kerr may still be authoring a self-help book, "Treasure Yourself," aimed at young girls. That could help buy that solar-powered house, hammock and veggie patch.

With or without Orly.

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Photos: Orlando Bloom at an L.A. event in October. Miranda Kerr on the day Bloom had lunch with her parents.Credit: WireImage

Alex Rodriguez is officially Madonna's water boy.

The New York Yankees slugger handed Madonna a bottle of (probably cabala?) water after she sang her second song before a sell-out crowd in Miami's Dolphin Stadium Wednesday night.

And that one thoughtful, loving gesture was the very public admission of their long-rumored love affair, made just a week after her quickie divorce from Guy Ritchie.

According to E!, the lovebirds landed in Miami Monday and spent Wednesday hanging around town with Madge's party promoter pal Ingrid Casares, who reportedly introduced the pair.

Madonna, 50, was 2½ hours late to start her Miami Sticky & Sweet concert.

But she sang and danced from 10 to midnight and A-Rod, who had spent Tuesday with his family, stayed for the whole concert.

After all, he's now her #1 fan!

Photos: Madonna rules the stage and A-Rod is all agog over his Lady Madonna at her concert Wednesday night. Isn't love grand? We give it 10 years.... Credits: WireImage.

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What do Alex Rodriguez's women have in common? Guess!

Will Madonna have Alex Rodriguez's baby?

Olympic gold-medal-winning swimmer extraordinaire Michael Phelps –- a guy who could literally have any gorgeous supermodel or actress he wanted -- brought a Las Vegas cocktail waitress he's dating home to Maryland for Thanksgiving.

According to People, her name is Caroline "Caz" Pal and she's 26. He's been dating the Palms Casino Resort Moon nightclub waitress for about two months while working on his poker game so he can participate in the 2009 World Series of Poker.

He's already made it to the finals table for the Caesars Palace Poker Classic. 

Well, he does have kind of a goofy poker face. Flipper just may have a future in cards!

Why do we bet Mom and Dad were less than thrilled about their son bringing home his Vegas sweetie?

Imagine the T-day family dinner chat.

"So where did you kids meet? Oh, he left you a big tip on the fifth round of margaritas so you gave him your cell number and let him grope you? Isn't that sweet..."

To see photos of Phelps actually groping a blond cocktail waitress believed to be Caz at the Moon nightclub, click here.

I guess no one told Michael that what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Maybe the fam can explain the concept to him.

Michael Phelps plays McSwimmy!

Amanda Beard vs. Lily Donaldsen: Who will win Michael Phelps?

Britney Spears made her premiere comeback at the Bambi Awards in Germany this weekend.

Check out her "Womanizer" performance. The Germans seemed to like it, top hat, high black boots and all.

What do you think? It was definitely an improvement over her MTV Music Video Awards. At least she wasn't hanging out of her bra and panties.

But it did seem a little ... familiar. Dare we say it, tired? Britney lip-syncing, strutting around, doing the cheerleader arm moves, pushing male dancers around the stage.

Let's hope she can come up with something a little more updated and fresh for her tour.

Maybe she's saving the good stuff? Maybe she decided to do her first performance in Germany to warm up?

Hey, check out Britney Spears' sexy behind the scenes Rolling Stone photos here!

More Britney Spears:

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Photo credit: BritneySpears.com 

Even though Hulk Hogan reportedly offered to pay Linda Hogan $40,000 a month, her reps say she is being taken to the proverbial cleaners.

I hear ya, readers. I could live on 40 grand a month easy. But it seems that Hulk left poor Linda with seven dogs, a huge house to maintain and took community property, including their $3 million beach house.

Linda's peeps say Hulk is wasting 20 grand a month on "Human Growth Hormone" to stay looking buff while Linda is having to spend 20 grand a month in legal fees to wade through all the roadblocks Hulk is putting in their divorce.

So can't her lawyers lower their fees or do it pro bono?

And no word on what their joint exorbitant tanning session, Botox and peroxide bills must be.

Linda's camp's main complaint is that Hulk's income during the marriage was sometimes over $1 million a month, not a year.

"It is all relative. That is what people don't understand. You can't compare what Linda gets to your own income of 50k a year, you have to compare it to Hulk's onetime income of $12-16 million a year and the lifestyle that comes with it. That puts it into perspective," says Gary Smith, Linda's publicist.

Click here to read the entire press release, which must also have cost Linda a pretty penny.

Apparently, It's all about the style in which you have become addicted, er, accustomed.

Keep reading to find out what Linda says really caused the divorce ...

A year after Kanye West's mother, Donda West, died shortly after breast augmentation and liposuction, her nephew, Stephan Scoggins, 46, is now under investigation.

A coroner ruled in January that Donda, 58, died of multiple post-op factors, clearing Dr. Jan Adams of responsibility.

Now an investigator with the California Department of Consumer Affairs has issued subpoenas asking individuals "to testify in the matter of the investigation of Stephan Scoggins," a source tells People.com.

According to an autopsy report, a heavily bandaged West was able to walk out of the medical facility after nearly 5 1/2 hours of surgery last November. She returned home, took Vicodin for pain, slept through the night and felt better in the morning.

Later in the day, a source tells People, Scoggins, a registered nurse, left West's home to attend a baby shower and was unreachable when Donda's condition worsened.

According to the autopsy report, West experienced pain, a sore throat and tightening in her chest before collapsing early that evening. A friend at the house called 911 and West was rushed to the emergency room, where she was pronounced dead.

Is this why Kanye West has seemed a bit angry the past few months? He's been arrested twice for violent run-ins with paparazzi. Can't hardly blame him.

I so would not want to be that nephew.

What do you think? Would you have left your aunt's side the day after surgery for a baby shower? For anything?

More Kanye West:

Kanye West arrested at LAX!

Charges dropped against Kanye West in England for pap attack!

Is Donda's doc in deep doo?

Photos: Kanye and his mom at a Grammy event in February 2006.
WireImage

Forget the Big Three automakers -- who's going to help Paris Hilton?

Uncle Sam's been pretty free with his pocketbook in the past few weeks. Banks and insurance firms have already gotten hefty sums to keep their boats afloat in the current economic crisis. Now the Big 3 automakers are asking for some cash. It seems everyone has an idea for who should get some green goodness: Can Las Vegas casinos, movie studios and TV networks be far behind?

We surveyed the entertainment landscape and hit upon some other bloated, creaky entertainment franchises that once bestrode the world like Colossus but now are desperately in need of some outside assistance (whether they want to admit it or not). Luckily, our crack team of experts has words of wisdom for each of them. Take a look.

Page Six is reporting that right-wing agitator and controversy-seeker Ann Coulter's jaw is wired tightly shut.

I know, I know. If the report is true, It's almost as if our prayers have been answered.

Apparently it was broken, but by whom, no one seems to be sure.  We could hazard a guess, but why throw roses yet.

The blogosphere is already aquiver over the idea of a forced Coulter Moment of Silence.

Finally, the Right Wing Barbie Doll has to shut up. This is, after all, the woman who called 2004 VP nominee John Edwards the F-word in 2007 while speaking at the Conservative Political Action Conference.

"I was going to have a few comments on the other Democratic presidential candidate, John Edwards, but it turns out that you have to go into rehab if you use the 'gay hate word' " so I'm -- so, kind of at an impasse, can't really talk about Edwards, so I think I'll just conclude here and take your questions."

The rehab reference was a right-wing joke (and we use the term loosely) about actor Isaiah Washington using that word for his "Grey's Anatomy" co-star T.R. Knight and been forced by the network to undergo psychological treatment.

But her unfunny comments drew criticism from all fields, Democrats, Republicans and gay rights groups.

But here's the best part about the Coulter broken jaw news. No really, this is really good: Seems she has a brand new book titled "GUILTY" due out in early January and, of course, was all booked on TV and radio talk shows to discuss the "much-needed reality check on a Left gone wild," declares the book's jacket.

Her latest work reportedly exposes and mocks the media's love affair with all things Democrat and all things President-elect Barack Obama.

Too bad Ann won't be able to say a word about her new book.

That's just a gosh darn shame.

Photo: WireImage