Jessica Simpson's 'Major Movie Star' is No. 1! In Russia?

Jessica Simpson's third movie, "Major Movie Star," about a ditzy washed-up celebrity who joins the Army, premiered at the Cannes Film Festival two years ago and was deafeningly panned by the three people forced to watch it.

But this week, it finally opened -- in Russia -- where it was No. 1. Which seems to speak volumes about the caliber of the film choices there.

But don't expect to see this movie in your local theaters any time soon.

However, you will be able to rent it, renamed "Private Valentine: Blonde & Dangerous," on DVD in the U.S., a source confirms to Us. (Hmmm, I seem to recall a Goldie Hawn starrer resembling the same title.)

The movie -- in which Simpson's character enlists to earn money to pay her bills -- is slated to hit stores Feb. 3, 2009. Mark your calendars, folks.

Or you could hop a plane to Bulgaria next month, where the film will open. Just for fun, we've posted a promo about the film shot during production.

And according to this, the film was actually initially going to premiere in Iraq. Boy, I don't know if that would've been a trick or treat for our valiant troops.

Fox News notes that Jessica's bomb --  sorry, movie -- will not be released in any country where English is the primary language.

Ouch. Are we surprised?

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