Lance Armstrong's latest blond: Ashley Olsen?!

Ashley Olsen sitting on Lance Armstrong's lap?

According to People, the odd couple shared time together at the Rose Bar in New York's Gramercy Park Hotel on Monday night. An observer described it: "Olsen was very flirtatious and was sitting on his lap."

OK, euuuww. I'm surprised the report didn't have Lance bouncing the little Goth Troll Doll on his knee. What is he thinking? He's 36. She's 21 and about 4 feet tall!

People mag also has them hooking up again early Wednesday morning (which translates to very late Tuesday night) at the Waverly Inn in New York.

If you're as creeped out by this coupling as I am, imagine the nausea two of his ex-girlfriends, fortysomething Sheryl Crow and thirtysomething Tory Burch, must be experiencing.

If Lance decides to date a younger blonde after Ashley, it'll have to be a fetus.

Photo credits: Tour de France champ Lance Armstrong sets a new world record for dating younger and younger blondes.
FilmMagic

In an eerie twist of celebrity fate, Ryan Seacrest actually talked to Britney Spears twice in the past week. On the phone today and at Les Deux last Friday night.

Brit reportedly was sitting on Dallas Cowboys football star Tony Romo's lap at that infamous Hollywood  fueling station, sorry, restaurant, on Oct. 26, hours after a legal hearing in her custody case.

DJ Seacrest was standing nearby watching the salacious scene. On his KIIS-FM show Monday, the "American Idol" host explained, "I spoke to her for a minute. She seemed to be a very, very good mood. She had her sunglasses on."

"I said, 'Busy day, huh?' and she kind of smiled and laughed and said, 'Yeah.' Then I believe I saw her and Tony Romo frolicking." 

When a co-host asked if Spears was indeed sitting on Romo's lap, Seacrest said, "Yeah."

Maybe she was simply rehearsing for her next performance to support her new album, "Blackout?"

Photo credit: WireImage

Britney Spears actually mumbled on the phone with Ryan Seacrest this morning!

When Seacrest called at 9:10 a.m., Britney was reportedly still sleeping. And when she got on the phone, she sounded groggy and, how shall I put this, "dazed."

How did she feel about her new, aptly titled CD, "Blackout," being released? "It was cool. It was kind of laid back really," she told Seacrest. But she didn't celebrate. "We watched movies. That's about it," she said. And what promotion will she do for it? "This is it," the monosyllabic Spears said.

How about all the bad press she's getting? "I try not to let it get to me," she replied. "You just try to keep doing what you do. As long as you know what's up, that's what really matters."

When will she see her kids? "I dunno. My lawyers handle all that stuff," the attentive mother replied.

What about the criticism of her parenting abilities? "It's sad how cruel our world can be," she said bluntly. "You gotta know in your heart that you're doing the best you can."

And is she? "God yeah!"

At that, Britney got off the phone and her protective pal Sam Lufti got into the act full-time. When asked where Spears went, he told Seacrest, "She went to hop in the shower."

Thank God Britney knows what really matters.

There's never just one reason for why a relationship doesn't work out.

In the case of Michelle Williams and Heath Ledger, there are probably several, including their youth, career pressures and the demands of raising a family.

Why do I think Michelle's unfortunate Little Lord Fauntleroy haircut may be one of them?

Photo credit: WireImage 

Who - and what - can help Britney Spears?

Her mother? Her sister? Marriage counselors? Therapists? Good lawyers? More rehab? More collagen? A lot more rehab? Or just a good personal stylist.

There is only one man who can save Britney from herself. Hollywood's Mr. Fix-It, Allan Mayer, the spokesman for her record label, Jive Records, who recently released a statement about her new aptly titled CD, "Blackout."

"As Britney's label, it's not our place to comment on her personal issues, but we do care about her and support her," label spokesman Allan Mayer said in a recent statement. "Britney's a grown woman who makes her own choices, and we respect that. But she faces challenges that most of us can't really imagine."

Formerly with Sitrick and Co., Mayer is Hollywood's secret weapon for master-minding big studios' movie PR and Oscar campaigns ("A Beautiful Mind," "Da Vinci Code," "Munich") to helping celebs (Halle Berry's hit-and-run, Paula Poundstone's child abuse allegations) handle bad publicity from all sorts of mishaps, mistakes and misdemeanors.

Mayer left Sitrick last year and became a partner at Leslee Dart's 42 West/The Dart Group. He heads up  their Strategic Communications Division. Click HERE to read what they do for clients. According to Mayer's office (he's traveling) Mayer has had a longstanding relationship with Jive Records. And he has no plans to help Britney on a personal level. Darn it.

But he's the only one who might be able to help the poor girl get out the hole she's dug herself into. This Sultan of Spin actually might be able to counteract all the damning headlines about her mental state, messy divorce, child neglect, head-shaving, crotch-flashing and that stumbling VMA comeback.

Above all else, Mayer believes in the preemptive strike approach and his longtime mantra is: 'If you don't tell your story, someone else is going to tell it for you, and you probably won't like the way it comes out."

Here's hoping Mayer - or someone - can get Britney to tell her side of the story. Won't that be a doozy!

Photo Credits: FilmMagic

Surprise guest Mel Gibson showed up at last night's "American Gangster" screening at the Arclight in Hollywood.

The Oscar-winning director appeared sane, sober and happy. He stopped just long enough in front of the press to hug the film's stars, Denzel Washington and Russell Crowe, pose for a few photos and tell the actors how much he was looking forward to seeing their film.

A political move, perhaps? Could Mel be making a comeback?

Far more disturbing? Watching Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa hug it out with "Entourage" star Jeremy Piven, (euuw) whisper conspiratorially with Oscar-winning producer Brian Grazer.

Then he leapt into a "Gangster" cast photo like a grinning groupie. Carpet photographers had to step back to include the mayor, who had suddenly popped up in their camera lenses.

Since the film is based on a true story about Frank Lucas, an entreperneurial  black drug dealer in New York, perhaps this press op is part of Mayor Ambition's close attention to African American issues here in LA?

Anyway, here's a video of Russell talking about working with his pal, Ridley Scott, when he gets a surprise greeting from Mad Mel.

Photo Credits: Denzel warmly embraces Hollywood's prodigal son, Mel Gibson. The Mayor hugs it out Brian and Ari, sorry, Jeremy.  Can an appearance on "Entourage" be far behind?

WireImage

Where has Victoria Beckham been hiding lately?

She's been really busy rehearsing for the Spice Girls reunion debut at the Victoria's Secret fashion show on November 15 at the Kodak Theatre in Hollywood.

Will Posh smile? Doubtful. But she will sing and dance.

Which is way more than Britney Spears did for her comeback performance at MTV's Music Video Awards. Hey, these Spicettes are actually rehearsing! And they probably won't be out partying the night before or wear unflattering costumes onstage.

Best of all, no one will be whining about how unfair it is to call Posh fat because she's popped out a couple of baby Beckhams.

I have to say, it's pretty brave/stupid of Posh to debut on the same stage as a dozen young lithe and lovely lingerie models. Talk about going implant-to-implant with the best bods in the biz. Good luck with that.

Kayne West and Seal will also perform. No coincidence that Seal's longtime VS model/wife, Heidi Klum, launched her own makeup line with VS this month. Ka-ching!

If  you don't get an invite, chill. The sexy show - with behind the scenes footage - will be televised on CBS  Dec. 4 at 10 pm.

Photo Credits: My silicone can beat your silicone any day!
WireImage

Lindsay Lohan and Nicole Richie just can't seem to stop: Shopping? Driving without a valid license? Getting high?

None of the above. The correct answer: Smoking cigarettes. TMZ is reporting that Lindsay is puffing like a chimney all over LA, including after her Tango lessons a few days ago. Click HERE to read that little ditty.

Far worse, this morning Cindy Adams reports that Nicole was seen twice smoking at two different New York restaurants. Click HERE for the  details. One time she lit up in front of her Baby Daddy Joel Madden!

Dude,  she's gonna shrink (or worse) your spawn! Here's a cancer.org report on what smoking does to unborn babies. Make her read this. Please. You're that fetus's only hope, Obi Won Madden!

Pregnant women who smoke risk the health and lives of their unborn babies. Smoking during pregnancy is linked with a greater chance of miscarriage, premature delivery, stillbirth, infant death, low birth-weight, and sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS). Up to 5% of infant deaths would be prevented if pregnant women did not smoke.

When a pregnant woman smokes, she's smoking for two. The nicotine, carbon monoxide, and other harmful chemicals enter her bloodstream, pass directly into the baby's body, and keep it from getting vital nutrients and oxygen it needs for growth.

Breast-feeding is a good way to feed a new baby, but if the mother smokes it exposes the baby to nicotine and other poisons in the smoke through breast milk. Nicotine could cause many unwanted symptoms in the baby, such as restlessness, a rapid heartbeat, vomiting, or diarrhea.

Some research has also suggested that children whose mothers smoked while pregnant or who have been exposed to secondhand smoke, even in small amounts, may be slower learners in school. They may be shorter and smaller than children of non-smokers. They are also more likely to smoke when they get older.

Photo Credits: Lindsay - seen here sucking in the smoke last year- is reportedly still smoking.  Let's hope  Nicole - seen here smoking with Malcolm Ford, when she was most definitely not pregnant - has stopped, for her baby's sake.

WireImage