One day, many years ago, English Teacher Dave (who was, amazingly enough, one of my English teachers in high school) shut me down in the middle of a familial whine-fest with this sarcastic gem: "Parents. Don't ever have any."

His point was, we've all got 'em. Some are better than others. Some are worse. But minds much greater than mine have suggested that we pick our parents so there must be a purpose behind the parents we pick.

Fathers, traditionally, have been a bit more hands off. Back in the day, they paced around waiting rooms and passed out cigars. Today, they might pace around delivery rooms and just pass out.

But mothers, traditionally, are the family glue, the tie that binds, the caretakers, the nurses, the nurturers, the chauffeurs, the chefs, the laundresses, the personal assistants, the mediators, the seamstresses, the entertainers, and the maids.

It is any wonder, then, that sometimes, they're prone to the dramatic?

You try playing all those roles and see if a little drama doesn't spontaneously erupt on your life's stage.

We might think that the famous (and the fictional) live far different lives than we mere mortals, but as SOAPnet's first installment of its new show, "Relative Madness," assures us, mama drama knows no bounds.

I wonder if it was difficult to cull only 25 mamas for the over-the-top countdown. Everyone has a mama, after all. There are lotsa mamas from which to choose. But choose we must.

A few of my personal favorites:

No. 25, Miranda Bailey, aka The Nazi from "Grey's Anatomy," who pulls double duty as a mother, both to her son, William George Bailey "Tuck" Jones (named, in part, after the intern who helped her through the delivery), as well as to the interns themselves. Miranda should probably schedule some nap time.

No. 22, Mary Louise Parker's mama drama is compliments of Billy Crudup who left her – at seven months pregnant – for Claire Danes. And her widow on "Weeds" does her level best to keep the kids on the straight and narrow.

No. 17, Nora Walker, matriarch of "Brothers & Sisters." As Joy Behar says of Nora and her brood, "She's a little intrusive and gets on their nerves, but she takes Boniva once a month, so who can complain?"

No. 10, Marie Osmond. Marie Osmond has eight kids and ... . Wait a minute: Marie Osmond has eight kids?!

No. 7, Courtney Love, mother to Frances Bean. Did you know that her middle name was chosen by Kurt because he thought she looked like a kidney bean on the ultrasound? Today, however, Frances bears no resemblance to any legumes whatsoever.

No. 6, Martha Stewart, even though I suspect most people associate Martha less with motherhood and more with manicured flowerbeds. Can you imagine growing up with Martha as your mama? I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that as a child, her daughter, Alexis, was expected to make macaroni art with handmade pasta.

And finally, is it any surprise that Britney snagged the No. 1 spot on the Mama Drama Hot 25? The woman is the poster mama for mama drama. And every other word that rhymes with it: comma, Bahama, diorama, and the Dalai Lama.

Who were your favorite mamas from Mama Drama? Who would you include who didn't make the cut?

Pop in to the comments and add your .02.

And don't forget to call your mom on Mother's Day. It's this Sunday, May 11. Write it down.

And sit up. And don't talk with your mouth full.

I'll pop in between episodes to dish on SOAPnet's latest show about everyone's favorite family foibles.

Until then, I'll see you in the comments.

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