My brothers used to torture my toys.

My brother Paul stuck an M-80 in the neck of my Dressy Bessy, lit the fuse, tossed Dressy Bessy into the air and – kapow! – Dressy Bessy stuffing rained down on me like so much nuclear fallout.

My brother Brian tied one end of a piece of red yarn around the neck of my Skipper doll and the other end around a brick and sacrificed her off a bridge.

There are more tales of toy woe. I won't bring you down.

This week, Relative Madness shines its familial spotlight on siblings, assembling the top 25 over-the-top brothers and sisters.

A few of this week's favorites:

No. 24, Betty and Hilda from Ugly Betty. They might have lost their mother, but Betty and Hilda take turns mothering each other when Hilda isn't mothering her son and Betty isn't mothering Daniel. And everyone else on the show.

No 18, Jack and Kelly Osbourne. One wonders how it's possible to grow up anywhere near "normal" when Ozzy is your dad. Yet Jack and Kelly have managed to morph from teen reality stars living in a paternal shadow into their own people who now have to pay their own bills. Yawn. As comedian Alec Mapa says, "Healthy people are so boring."

No. 16, Meredith and Lexie Grey from Grey's Anatomy. Does anybody else think that Mer was just plain mean to Lexie? Sure, Lexie was as annoying as a puppy on Prozac but she didn't do anything wrong. It's not her fault that their dad is a dolt.

No. 15, Paris, Nikki, and Barron Hilton. And you thought Nikki was living in Paris's shadow? Did we really know anything about Barron until he was arrested for DUI?

No. 12, Mary-Kate and Ashley. Really? Mary-Kate and Ashley are relegated to the middle of this sibling pack? Don't they own half the planet? Doesn't that count for something?

No. 9, Lindsay and Ali Lohan. Ali is already following in her big sister's footsteps, having released an album. Let's hope the footstep-following stops there. As comedian Kathleen Madigan says of Lindsay, "There's no reason to be driving. You have a bazillion dollars. Call a cab. You know what? You're so rich you can call the clydesdales to pick you up with the beer wagon. You could drink and ride a pony the whole way home."

No. 5, Jessica and Ashlee Simpson. Do you think anyone has told Ashlee that it's kind of creepy that she's turned herself into a clone of her sister?

No. 4, The Walkers from Brothers and Sisters. Married, unmarried. Straight, gay. Democrat, Republican. Legitimate, illegitimate. Yep, I think that about covers it.

No. 3, Ross and Monica Gellar. I like my brothers just fine but would I want to hang out with them constantly? Nope. Then again, my brothers don't drink coffee. I know. I don't understand that either.

No. 2, Princes William and Harry. They're the heirs to the throne of England. Seriously, what do a couple of guys have to do to snag the top spot on this list?

No. 1, Jane and Sydney from Melrose Place. William and Harry might have the occasional row and one of them has red hair, but they're no match for MP's Jane and Sydney. Because nothing tops a sisterly catfight, especially when it involves a wedding dress and a swimming pool.

Pop in to the comments and add your .02 on the sibling insanity.

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