'True Blood's' Kristin Bauer Van Straten turns 46: Celebrate with Pam's best lines
"True Blood" has had its share of ups and downs over the years, but one of the HBO show's most consistent pleasures has been watching Kristin Bauer van Straten do her thing as Pam Swynford de Beaufort season after season.
Today is Bauer van Straten's 46th birthday, and she is just as funny and lovely as ever. In honor of the woman behind sassiest lady vampire in all of the greater Bon Temps area, here are Bauer van Straten's best lines as Pam.
- "I don't know what it is about me that makes people think I want to hear their problems. Maybe I smile too much. Maybe I wear too much pink. But please remember I can rip your throat out if I need to. And also know that I am not a hooker. That was a long, long time ago."
- "Let's go to the ladies' room and stare at ourselves in the mirror."
- "Now, why'd you have to go kill that maenad? She was a terrific decorator."
- "We procreate because we want to, not because some d***head dipped in afterbirth told us to."
- "Can we blow up these Wiccan dips***s already? I got a mani-pedi at 4."
- "Just because we drank a b**** together does not make us Oprah and Gayle."
- "Did I miss something? Are we girls now? Did we join a book club and read some queer chick lit memoirs and are bound together by estrogen or sisterhood or some other feminist drivel?"
- "There's vampire in your cleavage."
- "Technology's taken all the fun out of being a vampire."
- [to children] "You make me so happy I never had any of you."
- "Let these good people practice their constitutional right to be f***ing idiots."
- "Let bygones, be bygones; bi-girls, be bi-girls."
- "Do you know what happens to women like me when we get old? We're pariahs. we die alone in the dark."
- "If I had any feelings, I'd have the chills right about now."
- "This is not just about your relationship, you infatuated tween. There's a bigger picture."
- "I think about crying children with soggy diapers. Also maggots."
- "Do not tell me you put our entire species at risk for a gash in a sundress?"
- "This isn't going to be some epic f***ing love story."
- "That tree with the plaid shirt has a name? He seems sweet and all, but if you're making him bring you here, I have a hunch that it's not enough."
Happy birthday, Kristin!