Justin Bieber and Tom Brady have a hair-off: 'Just flat-out sexy'

New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady could probably bench press Justin Bieber, Justin Bieber's mom, and the last twelve unstable teenage girls who fainted at the sight of Justin Bieber without breaking a sweat.

The Bieb may weigh 90 pounds soaking wet and may never be tall enough to ride the big roller coasters -- but when it comes to bangs and blow-outs, he may actually stand a chance in a battle against against Brady.

In Funny or Die's latest original, Kenny Mayne bravely investigates the issue of Bieber vs. Brady: the Hair Off. We're very impressed, as with this hard-hitting news clip, he risks angering two of the scariest groups of people ever... the Biebettes, and those loud fat guys who paint their man-boobs red and blue at Pats games.

Randy Moss's unexpected exit from the New England Patriots caused quite a stir -- but could it be the result of Brady's grooming issues? Mayne says it may have been "Moss's beard vs. Brady's hair, which is flat-out sexy."

Brady denies the allegations. "Why would the world's biggest ZZ Top fan have a problem with the length of someone's beard? I love ZZ Top."

"Why don't you go talk to somebody else about their hair?" Brady demands, and since it's impossible to defy a 6' 4", 225 lb man brandishing a curling iron, Mayne hopped on a plane to talk to somebody else about their hair.

That somebody else? The Bieb, of course. "Seriously bro," Bieber spat. "What's up with Brady's hair? I own this look. He's like 40, he's gonna be grey soon. He's gonna look stupid."

Kenny Mayne's grey hairs had no comment.

Sorry, Brady, but we've got to give this one to Bieber. (We're sure this news will upset you deeply, but you can go home and cry into your pile of money while your supermodel wife consoles you. You'll move on from here eventually. You are not your hair.)