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'Jersey Shore': 10 novel storylines for Snooki's new book
There are so many ways we're shocked by Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi's announcement that she's writing a novel based on her experiences on MTV's "Jersey Shore" due out in January.
First of all, she reads? Second of all, the only thing we've seen her write is her number in the club and the anonymous note to Sammi (and JWOWW helped her on that).
Snooki's working title for the book is "A Shore Thing" and she says, "This book will have you falling in love at the shore." Well, we thought we'd help the girl out with possible storylines.
Here are 10 novel ideas for Snooki's book, "A Shore Thing":
1.) Guidette meets pale guido, falls in love, then finds out he's a vampire! Pale guido? He must be the undead.
2.) A tell-all of Snooki's love affair with comedian, Pauly Shore.
3.) Guidette meets drunken man, gets punched, guido picks her up off the floor, and they fall in love.
4.) A group of young Italians get dropped on a deserted beach and must turn to cannibalism to survive.
5.) A young guidette wakes up to find herself in a beautiful land where she teams up with a group of other young Italians with issues (one needs a heart, and several need brains) - all searching for the wizard.
6.) A great drought hits New York and a young guidette and her oafish friend, "The Situation," travel to "The Shore" in search of land on which they can grow pickles.
7.) A down and out guidette decides to forget her troubles in a beautiful resort town and meets a handsome (though very metrosexual) guido, who helps her get her groove back.
8.) A guidette is forced to live in a house while TV cameras capture her every move. Then, her fairy god-manager comes and informs her she's being underpaid and it wouldn't hurt to perfect her hair poof and do some talk shows before signing Season 2's contract.
9.) It's wartime and a guidette must protect her home from grenades and landmines all the while she's "Snookin' for love."
10.) A guidette gets to the bottom of her 15th glass of Ron-Ron juice and discovers a wormhole, which sucks her into an alternate universe filled with hot juicehead guidos. Elated, she begins to make out with as many as she can. Then suddenly, she wakes up and discovers herself in a hospital room. Oh, just another alcohol poisoning! Oops.
What do you think Snooki should write about?
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I don't have cable, so I've never seen this show. So, pardon me if this has been said before, but: What the hell is that, an Oompa-Loompa? She's orange! Also, she looks like she's vertically-challenged (though it's hard to tell for sure without other people in the picture).
It's stuff like this that reaffirms my decision to cut the cable years ago. If I were able to subscribe to cable a-la-carte, the only thing I would want is FX, USA, TNT and HBO. Everything else is pretty much useless...570 channels and nothing on. Of course, we can't subscribe a-la-carte because the huge media conglomerates won't let that happen. If a cable company wants to broadcast the USA network, they have to buy 20 more channels that the same company owns as well, even though nobody wants to watch them. The scam comes from the top down, so we'll probably never see the USA network (or whatever) available as an internet stream for $2 a month...which is sad, because I would pay for that. Instead, I'll just keep downloading the few shows I watch with bittorrent. I wish I could compensate those channels in some way, but they've chosen to make it impossible because of their greed. So be it.
The idea of "Snooki" writing a novel is about as laughable as a dyslexic giraffe writing poetry. Scratch that--the giraffe is probably more literate.
I hate ppl who make fun of snooky
She is actally really smart
You know what? Good for her. At least she's trying to do something else. And you write what you know, so of course she's writing about "a girl looking for love on the boardwalk" (to quote your source).
hey, man. don't insult the oompa-loompas with such a comparison. it's not their fault that so many white girls want to be orange.
i've admittedly never watched this show, but by seeing pretty much all of their faces through various ways, i find it hilarious how they call "ugly" people grenades (or whatever), all the while blissfully unaware of how ugly they all actually look.
but i'd read this book, if i can find a cheap copy. can you imagine how (unintentionally) funny it'll be?
I agree, washington: it'll be as funny as getting an IRS audit on your birthday.