Joan Rivers plans more surgery at the Comedy Central roast

A raucous, ribald roast of Joan Rivers will air on Comedy Central on Aug. 9.

Her "Apprentice" pal Donald Trump was not present at the taping at CBS Studios last night, but Joan says there was a good reason.

"Donald's not a comedian," Joan dished to us on the red carpet yesterday.

Really? Could have fooled us.

Asked if she'd had more surgery to look her best for the show, she cracked, "No. I will probably do a lot of surgical work by cutting hearts out tonight!"

Atta girl, Joanie. Take no prisoners.

I'd tell you more about what happens on the rib-splittingly hilarious show but, frankly, I can't print half of the age, plastic surgery and sex jokes from host Kathy Griffin, Carl Reiner, Brad Garrett, Jeff Ross, Greg Giraldo, Robin Givens and more.

Here are a few clean cracks:

Brad Garrett on Joan's age:

"Joan is so old, she's blanked more old Jews than Bernie Madoff."

Jeff Ross on Joan's age:

"She's so old that if you Google her, she's on Craig's and Schindler's lists."

TiVo or DVR on Aug. 9, but definitely record it for posterity and your next party.

(Video by Elizabeth Snead)