Is David Duchovny eating veggie burgers in rehab?
Seems like everyone famous has been to rehab. Even Amy Winehouse, but what's a couple of weeks when she needs to be locked in for a few years.
Definitely, Lindsay Lohan. Briefly, Britney Spears. Recently, Eva Mendes, but for eating, honest. A depressed Kirsten Dunst. Probably Mary-Kate Olsen, but perhaps just for nutritional education.' Heather Locklear recently checked into an Arizona treatment center for "depression," which is publicist code for you-know-what.
Then there's former rehabbers "Desperate Housewives" gardener Jesse Metcalfe, comedian Robin Williams, model Kate Moss, talk show host Rush Limbaugh, Robert Downey Jr., singer Billy Joel, Colin Farrell, and Joaquin Phoenix.
Even John McCain's perfectly coiffed wife, Cindy McCain, did rehab a few years ago for her publicly admitted addiction to prescription painkillers.
And last week, "Californication" star David Duchovny checked into rehab for sex addiction, which is about the best PR his Showtime series could ask for. Turns out he doesn't just play a sex addict on TV, he really is one!
Don't laugh. Look who else went to rehab for sex addiction: Halle Berry's ex-hubbie Eric Benet, Angelina Jolie's second ex Billy Bob Thornton and Michael Douglas, like, ages ago, before rehabs were cool.
Hardly a week goes by without another celebrity checking into a rehab center. But now there's a twist. These days stars can check in as addicts and come out as vegans, thanks to the delish veggie meals being served. What's next, raw vegan octo lavo flexatarian getaways for self-cutters?
Looks like it! So many rehabs now serve toxin-cleansing vegetarian dishes that PETA has ranked the top five vegan alcohol and drug rehabs.
Keep reading to find out where the best vegetarian food is being served. And who's been eating it! David, are you out there?
1. Caron Foundation -- Wernersville, Pa.: This body- and soul-mending facility prepares vegetarian soups and entrees for lunch and dinner; spinach-mushroom pie, tofu tetrazzini, vegetarian paella, Caesar salad with Portobello mushrooms, and black-bean patties with pineapple chutney, ratatouille, and tofu. Seconds, please?
Celebrity residents: Liza Minnelli, Steven Tyler, and former Miss USA Tara Conner.
2. Cottonwood de Tucson -- Tucson: This peaceful desert getaway soothes guests with baked rigatoni with spinach, wasabi mashed potatoes with snap peas, vegetable pizza, vegetable fried rice with spring rolls, portobello mushrooms stuffed with polenta, and vegetable tostadas. Can I have s'more?
Former guests: Rolling Stone Ron Wood, Geri "Ginger Spice" Halliwell, and singer Robbie Williams.
3. Passages -- Malibu: This seaside addiction center offers lentil-vegetable, broccoli-puree, and black-bean soups; vegetable chili; salads; fresh fruit and juices; hummus; pasta primavera; wild-mushroom pasta; bean tacos and burritos; and a variety of veggie burgers. Talk about all you can eat.
Big name: Mel Gibson.
4. Hazelden -- Center City, Minn.: Hazelden features Gardenburgers, vegan riblets, meatless chili, spring-vegetable saute sandwiches, and vegan egg rolls. Eh, not too inspired.
Visitors include: designer Calvin Klein and screenwriter Aaron Sorkin.
5. The Meadows -- Wickenburg, Ariz.: Choose from various tofu dishes, veggie burgers, vegetarian casseroles and a number of healthy root vegetables. C'mon, you can do better than this, guys.
OK, I know which one I'd check into. But just for the food.