'07 Review: Rosie quits, Paris cries, Brit's Mom cashes in, Eva scores
It's been a wild ride (literally) on the Celeb News Super Highway. But let's do take one last auld lang syne look back at some 2007 headlines before the New Year's Eve bubbly erases my memory boards.
Does anyone else miss Rosie?
I kinda miss old Rosie. In retrospect, her screaming political smackdowns with righteous wing twit Elisabeth Hasselbeck were more interesting than all the aspiring presidential candidates' polite verbal face-offs so far. And I can't wait to read her new book, "Celeb Detox."
Hey, how about a 2008 morning talk show called, "The View Askew," (apologies to Kevin Smith) pairing Rosie with Mel Gibson, Howard Stern, Bill O'Reilly, Don Imus and Donald Trump?
Now that I'd watch.
Hollywood's bad girls go to jail! Oops, now they're out!
Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and Nicole Richie all got arrested for various traffic offenses including DUIs and driving without valid driver's licenses.
Skating in at the last minute, Mischa Barton got popped too. But everyone knows she's just a pathetic copycat criminal, trying to fit in with the In Crowd.
Anyway, these three girls fought the law and the law won. Or did it? Other than slight embarrassment over unflattering mug shots and Paris crying for "Mommy," I doubt that the roughly 86 minutes of incarceration (that's how long Nic and Lilo spent in custody) will teach these ladies a lesson.
It may make them hire drivers and perhaps better assistants who won't toss any correspondence from California's driver's license bureau.
Paris logged the most time in the clink -- 23 days -- and claimed she read the Bible constantly. But she couldn't recall a single psalm for Larry King just days after she got out. Oh, c'mon. Not even the 21st? Surely Paris knows the one that goes, "I shall not want?"
Britney: the buzz cut heard around the world.
It's been a solid year of Britney paparazzi-watching -- from bad wigs to rehab drive-bys, a stumbling lip-sync-centric comeback, speeding through red lights, running over strangers' feet, shacking up in every fancy L.A. hotel and losing custody of her kids to Fed-Ex.
The photo of the year has to be the shot of an enraged, freshly bald Britney attacking a paparazzi windshield with ... shudder ... an umbrella!
Just when we thought the "As the Trailer Park Turns" soap opera couldn't get any weirder, Britney's 16-year-old sister, Jamie Lynn, gets knocked up.
And it turns out her Mom (you know, the one who was writing a book on good parenting?) actually pimped out her daughter's pregnancy story and her grand squid's first photos to OK! magazine for $1 million.
Maybe Lynne Spears is the one who should do jail time. Or at least get the Worst Mother of the Year award.
For more on Eva and Tony's money-making 2007 marriage, keep reading...
Fairy tale weddings do come true.
With a little careful planning, you can actually make money by getting married. If you're famous.
Eva Longoria and Tony Parker got married in France earlier this year in a wedding said to have cost over $1 million. What do you get for that? An Angel Sanchez mermaid wedding gown. A party at a 17th century castle. A $15,000 wedding cake and Van Cleef & Arpels jewelry gifts for the famous guests whom you've flown over, hoteled and spa-spoiled.
But the dirty little secret in Hollywood is that most (if not all) of the Longoria/Parker wedding regalia, décor, gowns, trips, treats and gifts came free because of the hot couple's dual celebrity status.
Plus, Eva sold her wedding photos to OK! magazine for $2 million.
So she actually made money on this marriage. Score!
Photo credits: WireImage