Joan Rivers blogs live! Does anyone care?
Joan Rivers' Red Carpet Blog is aptly titled "Screw It, I'm Staying Home." Although she might have added, "Because no one will pay me the exorbitant salary I demanded to get stars' names and shows wrong and make the same unfunny comments carpet after carpet after carpet."
Why is she sitting home and blogging live on Sunday? Because apparently someone told her that people care what she says and she believed them. Here's what she has to say about her new gig:
Hello, darlings! Joan Rivers here, blogging for the first time in my short adult life.
I know what you're thinking. "Why is Joan Rivers blogging?" Good question. My doctor told me blogging was what happened after eating too many bananas. But blogging is so much more -- it's sitting alone in a dark room, eating raw cookie dough out of the package while my dogs lick my bare feet, and wondering where my life has gone. Melissa, my daughter, love her to death, but the bitch never calls unless I threaten to update my will.
The next logical question is, "What should I blog about?" Well, I believe that old adage that you should write what you know. And what I know is that in less than a week, hundreds of starving celebrities will be dragging their skeletal remains down the red carpet for the 59th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards. I've been there for at least 57 of those 59 years, and frankly, the thought of standing out there in the sun screaming, "Who are you wearing? Who are you wearing?" would drench me with sweat... if only the Botox would allow it.
In the items up now, she writes about everyone from "The Sopranos" to "Ugly Betty," and yet mysteriously, every posted item has photos of... Joan! The site also has a terrifying video that you can play to be welcomed into her home (think Early Liberace) and shows a computer geek on her couch, whom I presume will be typing up her jabs and posting them. No WAY can she type with those long fake nails.
Photo credit: Joan has given up the carpet for the couch. She'll stay home Sunday. But she still won't shut up.
WireImage
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You and Melissa are truly missed on the red carpet!
These two are hillarious and now that they are gone it's one good reason not to turn on my tv.Mr. Seacrust adds no humor to an already boring telecast.
Hey ESNEAD ---pot calling the kettle black? why go after Joan Rivers?---lots of us feel the same about you kiddo. At least Joan has worked her butt off for the past million years. You sit here having done nada talking smack about people who could probably kick your butt if you had the nerve to get in their faces with your trash talk.
I know ...they're celebrities... so anything goes ---the mantra of you dipsticks who make a living by trashing celebrities. What one thing about them makes them less sensitive than you? Unfortunately they don't get to read what is said about them and get to dump it before it goes public. And no head shot E...what's that all about? Aren't you proud of what you do? or does the fact that no one can identify you assure you access to the people you trash... aaah it must be difficult avoiding ethical behavior at every turn....but hey...somebody has got to do it.