We're just 72 hours away from brand spankin' new Lost. If you're like me, you've been making the usual preparations. Turning off the cellphones. Stocking up on Cheetos and Red Bull. Saying goodbye to loved ones. They'll understand, and if they won't, I'm sure their lawyers will. I asked my wife to verify this theory, but she's too busy packing and cursing my existence at the current moment.

(Actually, I lucked out: she's as into the show as I am, thank God. She's even working with me on a special project that I hope to unleash sooner rather than later for you all, based on recent comment craziness provided by you all.)

I've stayed spoiler-free during the interim, as I hope you have. And if you haven't, for the love of all that's Dharma do NOT drop spoilers on the unsuspecting masses below. We're all about spoiler-free enjoyment of the show here. If you can't keep a secret, make like Bastian in The Neverending Story and scream and and all spoilers into a driving rainstorm from atop the rickety roof of a nearby bookstore. You'll get it off your chest, and none of us will be able to understand a single word you say. We good? Good.

The only thing I've seen pertaining to new Lost is the official, ABC-produced trailer for this week's episode, "The Shape of Things to Come." So it's not spoiler-tastic so much as "OMIGOD THURSDAY NEEDS TO BE HERE NOW!" And the thing that tickled my fancy isn't all the explode-y action, nor the shout-y Jack, but the creep-y door that Ben pushes about sixteen seconds into the promo, embedded below.

Well, slap my face and walk like an Egyptian: those look like some hieroglyphics, people! Last time we saw those on Lost, the Swan was imploding much like Nomar Garciaparra's joint tissue. Those five hieroglyphics spelled out "underworld," and hinted at a larger mythology/history to the Island that preceded even the arrival of the Black Rock. And now, we're seeing Ben Linus pushing what looks to be a heavy door just brimming with similar symbols.

Now, what could this possibly mean? Where does this door lead? Why is Ben opening it? Three excellent questions, people. Glad you asked. Because I don't exactly know, but I have a few theories. Four, in fact. I was going to spout out five, but five isn't one of The Numbers. (That, and I got stuck coming up with a fifth theory.) On with the possibilities!

#1) It leads to a place 32 miles outside of Portland, Oregon.

Theory: While the specific location may be off, this is simply a larger version of the pneumatic tubes in the Pearl, leading a person swiftly from the Island to a location in the real world.

Why this could be it: We've long wondered just how The Others go to and from the Island so mysteriously and efficiently. We've also wondered just how ancient civilizations accessed the Island in the days before submarines. This door could be the answer, accessed sporadically throughout time and currently exploited by Ben.

Why this is absolutely impossible: If so, there wouldn't be an Oceanic 6, there would be an Oceanic 38 Plus a Whole Host of Others. This is both unlikely make for less effective marketing. Swag for Oceanic 38 Plus a Whole Host of Others would be IMPOSSIBLE to design.

#2) It leads to the underground vents mentioned in the Dharma manuals.

Theory: Per Zap2It reader Jeff, this door could be an entry point into the vast underground passages that pervade the Island, leading Team Locke not off the Island but simply to another part of the Island undetected.

Why this could be it: We've seen the use of subterfuge by The Others in the past. (I'm looking at you, Fake Hatch from the End of Season 2.) While the door looks authentically ancient, it easily could be recently made, meant to simply look authentic as well as keep the mechanism for opening it hidden.

Why this is absolutely impossible: Given the surrounding elements (trenchcoats, artificial lighting), it seems odd that the fake wall meant to hide access to these underground vents would look...so...conspicuous. And if it's in fact a real door dating back thousands of years, the Dharma Initiative would not use it in its plans for a vast subterranean tunnel system.

3) This door leads to the oft-mentioned, yet-to-be-seen Temple.

Theory: The door looks authentic and creepy because it's in fact authentic and creepy, leading to an edifice built in the time of the four-toed statue.

Why this could be it: While I have a hard time buying a real door as part of the underground tunnel system, I have an easier time buying that someone built an edifice around the Temple in order to hide it. Why hide it? Maybe it houses the spirits we know as whispers. Maybe it houses Smokey. Maybe it houses Carrot Top. Lots of scary things could be down there, people.

Why this is absolutely impossible: We've seen a Dharma logo next to the "Temple" on Ben's map, which indicates what we thought of as an ancient house of worship is simply the most fortified hatch left. (Meaning, in other words, that Orchid=Temple.) We've learned that it's three floors tall, meaning it's either an underground bunker not unlike the White House, or a 30' edifice used to hurl insults at those below, not unlike the French in Monty Python and the Holy Grail. In either case, even if Dharma itself did not call this station The Temple, it's nonetheless a recently constructed building, not an antique burial ground.

#4) It leads not only to a different place, but a different time.

Theory: This door is the physical embodiment of the promise made once a character named Charlotte Staples Lewis entered the show, providing a conduit not only across space but time as well.

Why this could be it: The aforementioned connection, coupled with the fact that the surrounding elements look like a freaking closet, makes a strong case for this theory. This door could send one through time much in the way that passing through the anomaly surrounding the Island does, while tossing in a little physical teleportation as well. As such, the Orchid Station can be seen as a place to replicate this door in a more controlled and repeatable fashion.

Why this is absolutely impossible: Avril Lavigne might go up to Darlton and ask why they had to go and make things so complicated, and she'd have a good point. Introducing the "Chronic-(what?)-cles of Dharmia" might send the masses away. Even if handled deftly, it's still a crazy out there theory that moved past hard sci-fi into "they're just making this all up, aren't they" territory.

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But hey, I'm only one man. And these are only four theories. So now it's your turn. Which one seems most likely? Least likely? Mix and match them to your liking, or produce original ones yourself below!

Ryan also posts every 108 minutes over at Boob Tube Dude.

Comments

Although as a sci-fi junky I'd love for it to be option 4, I'm willing to concede that it is option 2. It seems like the more logical way to hide, at least for now. It seems the method by which the O6 leave may be by way of the Orchid, which may actually have an escape door or gateway of some sort. For now, it seems, they stay on the Island so they are most likely hiding out underground.

Shaggysteve | Apr 21, 2008 5:55:42 PM | #

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Second first comment in a row! YES!

I might be a bad example, but I would like to see Lost exploring the whole time travelling thing. But you're probably right Ryan, that would scare the masses away. So I have to say that the door leading to the temple is the most likely theory, altough I'd love if it lead to the Orchid ( I know it's impossible, but let me dream).

sin laden | Apr 21, 2008 6:11:08 PM | #

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How could there be an ancient door leading to a temple in the closet of a Dharma built home? Where did Dharma get the door? Was a house built around something else, something originally there before Dharma built New Otherton?
I think Jeff may be right and that the door leads to underground tunnels or "subterrainnean conduits" that the Others used to creep back and forth between stations or that Dharma may have used to escape the hostiles. One of those stations may, indeed, be the Orchid in all it's 3 level glory. I won't deny that the Orchid has something to do with time travel since I've seen the video with Candle, Holowax or whatever parafin related name he goes by.

Chris | Apr 21, 2008 6:27:50 PM | #

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Ryan, are you saying we've learned the Temple has three floors, or are you implying that the Temple is in fact the Orchid?

Jeff | Apr 21, 2008 7:00:00 PM | #

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Jeff: In my mind, I connected them for that particular theory, but amended the article to explicitly make that connection. Thx for pointing that out.

Ryan | Apr 21, 2008 7:07:00 PM | #

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Well, like I said. It's either

1) The underground conduit system that leads Ben and Locke safely out of the barracks (to me the most logical option if this is the last time we'll be seeing the barracks - might as well reveal all its secrets)

2) Some kind of panic room (boring)

and then there's possibility #3, that no one has mentioned and frankly just popped into my head...

3) What if inside this room is the means to summon and possibly even control (to a degree) the Monster?

Both of the official trailers and the podcast hint that the smoke monster will make it's return in episode 9, and there are a few quick shots of lots of flashes of lightning happening at night (which is the same time we see Ben looking out the window and hearing the sounds of the Monster).

So, what if after a long standoff against the freighter commandos, Ben opens the door to the control room, toggles some switches and we start to hear the unmistakable roar of the Monster. Against the terror of the 815ers, Ben leads them outside to witness the pure carnage Smokie wreaks on the commandos. This also gives them time to make their escape.

Jeff | Apr 21, 2008 7:11:55 PM | #

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All choices are valid, but if I suddenly hear a soft, girlish voice start muttering, "There's somebody at the door," over and over again (American Gothic reference, for those who remember that great, yet very weird, show from about 12 years back), I'm outta there. Then again, it might just lead to a large Dharma-built supply closet, filled to the rafters with Mrs. Butterworth refills, with Jason Isaacs on a speaker going, "One day soon, you are going to meet the same...sticky...end..." Yep, I'm ready for Lost to come back!

Dark Disciple | Apr 21, 2008 8:20:04 PM | #

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I'm in agreement that the Temple is most likely the Orchid. However, in looking at Ben's map then watching the orientation video, the logos don't match up. It's hard to clearly make out either one, but they do not look the same. Though I'm not positive that we've actually seen the Orchid logo, as it may have just been a generic Dharma logo since it wasn't a standard orientation video anyways.

Shaggysteve | Apr 21, 2008 8:33:53 PM | #

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Shaggysteve-
I thought the logo on the collar from the Tunisian polar bear was the Orchid video, no?

Morgan | Apr 22, 2008 1:11:40 AM | #

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No, it was the logo of the Hydra, the off-shore research facility where Dharma kept all their animals and the place Jack, Kate and Sawyer were kept captive for just under half of Season 3. The polar bears were apparently kept in a cage at the Hydra, and one managed to get off the Island and end up in Tunisia.

And this brings me to the essence of what the door is. The door itself may end up being nothing special; just a door that leads into an underground tunnel or something far from mystical. But we know that somehow, the Others are able to leave the Island and somehow, a polar bear escaped and ended up in a desert and somehow, Locke's father came to the Island through what Ben calls "a magic box."

Personally, I'm hoping the door is a magical portal across time and space (Charlotte Staples Lewis, who found the damn bear in that desert, is too much of a coincidence). I could also buy that whatever the Event is that sends the Oceanic 6 back to the real world, its powerful enough to shut down the "magic" that keeps the door/gateway active.

Or maybe Ben just sends them home in Henry Gale's balloon /shrug.

Other Sean | Apr 22, 2008 1:47:12 AM | #

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Other Sean- That baloon theory is completly impossible, since they don't have any way to remove the baloon from the trees or repair it, not to mention that leaving the island in a baloon would hardly go unnoticed.

And what if Ben could in fact control Smokey and they all rode out of there mounting him? Now that would be cool!

sin laden | Apr 22, 2008 5:19:36 AM | #

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There's always the possibility that they escape via Desmond's boat.

Jeff | Apr 22, 2008 6:16:07 AM | #

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Looks like a new list in the making: "How The Oceanic 6 Get Off The Island" with "Desmond's boat" somewhere in the Top Ten and "using Hurley as a floatation device" somewhere around #8,349.

Ryan | Apr 22, 2008 6:27:14 AM | #

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The first thing that I thought of when I heard about the door in the preview (I can't view the clip.)was of the doors in Steven King's Dark Tower series. In it the characters were able to travel to parallel worlds by passing through them. However, there were also physical and temporal constraints when using them. It worked well in the context of those books. It is a great series of books, but I hope that it is ot what the LOST writers use as their explanation.

Phrank Loyed | Apr 22, 2008 7:01:29 AM | #

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Whoops!

Meant to type...

"It is a great series of books, but I hope that it is not what the LOST writers use as their explanation."

Phrank Loyed | Apr 22, 2008 7:03:16 AM | #

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Don't worry, Phrank. It'll most likely be something mundane, but hinting at a larger mystery.

Jeff | Apr 22, 2008 7:24:08 AM | #

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At this point any of the theories seem plausible. If I had to pick one as being most likely, I would have to go with the tunnel system. I would love the door to be reminiscent of the ancient history of the island though. It just seems to me that Ben is looking for escape.

Who knows though...I like the idea of the barracks being built on top of a much older structure that we haven't learned about yet.

Mike in RI | Apr 22, 2008 7:28:33 AM | #

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its where they keep all of the spare Patchy clones...

mri | Apr 22, 2008 7:45:41 AM | #

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lol. Initiate Patchy ass-kick sequence.
Target: Freighter Commandos.
Weapons: Sharpened Stick and Judo Chop.

Jeff | Apr 22, 2008 7:47:18 AM | #

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Objective: Render freighters btrwrthd.

Ryan | Apr 22, 2008 8:01:08 AM | #

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I hope that you are right Jeff. LOST is good at doing that; revealing something to be more mundane then thought while hinting at a larger mystery. Still, I could not help but remember the doors in the Dark Tower series.

Phrank Loyed | Apr 22, 2008 8:15:37 AM | #

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In regards to theory number one: That would have to be one freakin' LONG pneumo-tube to go all the way from the south-ish Pacific to the northwest corner of the US. I'm not saying it's not possible to do, but I think building a time machine in the closet might have been easier.

I don't have a problem with the door leading into an underground area (network of tunnels, the vents, the Temple of Doom, whatever) because we don't know where the door even is. Yeah, sure, it looks like it's in the closet of (Ben's?) house, but that doesn't necessarily make it so.

So, I'm interested in the door, but I'm also interested in Mr. Commando holding a gun to Alex's head and Ben telling her, in absolute calm, that everything will be ok. Does she get blasted in the noggin' and Benny-boy pops through Mystery Heiroglyphic Door #1 to take a short jaunt back in time to save her? And if that's the case, doesn't that sort of open the door (pun intended) for them to save others by way of popping back in time a piece and snatching friends and loved ones from the maw of the Abyss? Of course, the producers said they'd never do that, reliable bunch that they are.

Still, only two days to go. So we'll just have to wait and see.

AdSlinger | Apr 22, 2008 8:19:35 AM | #

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Adslinger: the pneumo-tube in this case is metaphorical, a way to explain the sensation of going from Point A to Point B. And it wasn't built, it simply exists. (Sort of like how the caves in Smallville can send you directly to the Fortress of Solitude.)

As far as Alex goes: I don't think she'll die, but it would be terrifically interesting if she were kidnapped. That would provide sufficient motivation for the Benjamin seen in "The Economist." That being said, if she were kindapped, Ben-as-leader-of-the-Oceanic 6 wouldn't be a terrifically difficult mystery for Widmore's group to solve.

Plus? No way Smokey lets Keamy et al live. Smokey don't play dat.

Ryan | Apr 22, 2008 8:31:26 AM | #

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I won't spoil you guys, but I saw some of the gunfight scene from the trailer. Zowee!

Jeff | Apr 22, 2008 9:22:31 AM | #

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It's going to be great to see an all out battle that will hopefully end in a bare-knuckle brawl between Sawyer and Keamy. Now that's must see T.V.

Mike in RI | Apr 22, 2008 11:12:24 AM | #

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No matter at what point it happens this season, I can't wait to see Keamy get wasted by one of our favorite castaways (or monsters).

Jeff | Apr 22, 2008 11:14:06 AM | #

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Sorry to go off topic, but I'm dying to get some other opinions on this.

The popups in the enhanced episodes - canon or not? In a recent conference call, Darlton said they are like "cliff notes" to newbie viewers, which some have interpreted as blessing them as canon.

I'm especially leery of the popups because, according to them, "Mr. Friendly" isn't just a nickname - his name is actually Tom Friendly.

Which I find absolutely freaking ridiculous. Am I overreacting? Completely insane?

milo | Apr 22, 2008 11:21:16 AM | #

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I think the popups can be filed under general Lost knowledge. The popups often refer to fan-labelled or theorized stuff like Mr. Friendly.

You can check out a selection of captions here: http://lostpedia.com/wiki/Enhanced#Selected_captions.

Jeff | Apr 22, 2008 11:31:28 AM | #

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Can I just say, thank Waaaaaaalt/Jacob/Smokie/Island for Lostpedia!!!

Jeff | Apr 22, 2008 11:36:36 AM | #

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I'm thinking the door leads to parts underground that take them to other stations or "Ben's Box of Teleportation."

I know we've beat the "time travel/warp/whirlpool" discussion **beyond** death, but ... I had a thought yesterday as I was exiting a large warehouse shopping facility (Dharmco?). When I'm in a place like that, its as if time stands still. I browse, I explore, I ponder and I buy way more than I went in for (e.g., I go for the 36-pack of TP and leave with 10 pounds of beef and patio furniture -- barbeque anyone?). When I exit the facility I look at my watch and realize that time has passed far more quickly OUTSIDE the warehouse than I was experiencing whilst INSIDE. I call this the Warehouse Warp Effect on Time (WWET?). Very similar to the passage of time when in the shower. I step in at 8, step out after 5 minutes and discover it is 8:10, not 8:05. How does that happen?

Is this possibly the same effect on time that the visitors to the Island experience in some variation?

And -- how is everyone preparing for Thursday's new episode? Re-watching some of the earlier episodes, reading re-caps, or just preparing to unplug and enjoy when it happens?

djc | Apr 22, 2008 12:09:32 PM | #

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Jeff and milo-

popups are NOT, i repeat, NOT canon. they are created by the evil ABC promo-monkeys. Darlton has already said this b/c the afrementioned monkeys referenced the Find815 ARG in the popups which we all know durn well ain't canon.

mri | Apr 22, 2008 12:12:45 PM | #

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I strongly agree that they're not canon, but there seems to be a consensus over at Lostpedia that they are, which I think is REALLY unfortunate. There's a lot of editing going on there based on the popups, which I think will come back to bite people in the ass when things are either contradicted, or they come out and say those aren't canon.

Seriously, "Tom Friendly"??

milo | Apr 22, 2008 12:22:52 PM | #

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As one bitten by the Bug of Canonicity, I can safely state that watching those pop-ups for anything other than bland bemusement is a waste of time. It's primarily for casual viewers that need to dots connected that explicitly. Now, that's fine, but I don't need an enhanced episode to remind me who Penelope Widmore is.

As a way to bring in new fans of the show, I'm fine with the enhanced episode. As a way to glean new insights, I might as well go ask that crazy dude down on the corner talking to the invisible elephant.

Ryan | Apr 22, 2008 12:32:20 PM | #

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...or playing Via Domus.

Mike in RI | Apr 22, 2008 12:42:00 PM | #

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haha, nice Mike

Jeff | Apr 22, 2008 12:51:25 PM | #

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Re: the invisible elephant...so that's where I left that thing. ;)

Dark Disciple | Apr 22, 2008 12:56:05 PM | #

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I am very interested to see what happens with the smoke monster on Thursday. I have a feeling whatever it does will be very revealing.

Jeff | Apr 22, 2008 1:00:59 PM | #

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I never, ever return video games, but I couldn't have brought "Via Domus" back to Gamestop fast enough.

Ryan | Apr 22, 2008 1:02:00 PM | #

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Maybe the smoke monster IS an invisble elephant! Whew, glad we solved this.

Ryan | Apr 22, 2008 1:02:51 PM | #

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I was just reading those captions in the enhanced episodes, since they don't air those outside the States (I wonder why?), and what a load of Waaaalt that is!

Faraday's remarks are clues to the island properties? Charlie is appearing to Hurley in a vision? Tom Friendly?! I really needed those promo monkeys to tell me this!

Why does a show like Lost, with such writing and acting quality (altough all the prizes in the last couple of years have ended up in overrated shows like Grey's Anatomy), had to have people around it that don't give a Waaaalt to what fans think, instead jerking us around and putting on the market things like Via Domus (wich doesn't even have a correct latin spelling) and Find815, that do nothing more than get our hopes up, just to hear Darlton say "Yeah, you know that's not canon, so you just wasted your money and time.".

I know all this has already been discussed here, but reading those ridiculous transcripts was the last drop for me. I'm gonna watch the show untill the end, but I will completly ignore every word out of Darlton's mouth and any product Lost related.

sin laden | Apr 22, 2008 3:48:19 PM | #

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Great. Now we still need to solve the other 4,815,162,342 mysteries on LOST.

Shaggysteve | Apr 22, 2008 3:50:16 PM | #

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Sin Laden-

I'm with you. I'll read just about anything LOST related. However, I no longer believe anything to be true unless I see it on the show itself.

Shaggysteve | Apr 22, 2008 3:54:47 PM | #

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We get the enhanced episodes in Canada.

AdSlinger | Apr 23, 2008 8:33:12 AM | #

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Grr... Pushed post too fast.

I meant to add that we can't download anything from the ABC site in Canada, though. To watch webisodes you have to live in the States.

AdSlinger | Apr 23, 2008 8:34:26 AM | #

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Shaggysteve - Yeah, but not in Europe, where we also get the episodes with a month's delay

sin laden | Apr 23, 2008 3:34:00 PM | #

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Whoops, I meant AdSlinger.

sin laden | Apr 23, 2008 3:35:44 PM | #

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