Why Does NBC Not Know That the Winter Olympics Rock?

Today's cuppa: Irish breakfast tea

Boy, it's lucky I didn't write this last night.

It would have been a rant, full of "SHUT UP!"s directed at almost every NBC Olympic host and commentator (except Dick Button. I would never tell Dick Button to shut up, but I do rather he was IN the skating arena instead of pontificating afterward. But Dick Button is awesome, not least because he used to be part of ABC's Olympic coverage, which was also awesome).

Rather than lay out the many and varied ways the yapping heads at NBC Sports make me want to chase them down with the business end of a ski pole -- I'll just let Slate do it for me -- I'll instead keep my blood pressure down and focus on why the Winter Olympics are amazing and thrilling, even if it doesn't always -- scratch that, nearly never -- come across on NBC.

But first, a little background. My mom grew up in Saranac Lake, N.Y., right next to Lake Placid, so I spent my whole childhood in and near this Adirondack hamlet that was host to the 1932 and 1980 Winter Olympic Games.

I even have a Roni the Raccoon mascot (seen above at the left), bought at the J.J. Newberry's on Main Street in Lake Placid just before the 1980 games (Do you believe in miracles?? Yes, I do!).

I've also seen winter events live. I attended ski-jumping competitions in Lake Placid (winter and summer) and covered a freestyle-skiing championship there, even standing on the hill next to the jumps, watching the skiers pencil their aerials right in front of me.

While I've never been down the bobsled run, I've seen other people do it up close. I also spent a weekend watching a regional figure-skating championship at the Olympic Arena in Placid.

There were not Olympic-level events, but they demonstrated to me just how exciting and exhilarating the Winters can be if you get the full experience.

The Winter Olympics are about frigid temps, snow, ice, sharpened steel and waxed wood. Athletes fly through the air, rocking nothing but gravity and muscle-powered acceleration, landing not in deep piles of sawdust but on bone-crushing hard-packed snow or arena ice.

As we saw with the tragic fatal luge accident, there is a very small margin for error when you're rocketing down an icy chute. Who in the Summer Olympics goes 80-plus miles an hour, lying on their back on a very small sled, with no padding? The only thing more nuts than luge is skeleton, where you do about the same thing, only headfirst.

In bobsled, you have a bobsled, which is great, unless it flips over and lands on you.

Snow sports -- whether freestyle and alpine skiing, or snowboarding -- are insane, breakneck madness, a rush into thin air and then gravity's hard embrace with no brakes, shoulder pads or wings.

And even if the sport isn't inherently life-threatening -- such as cross-country skiing -- it's still contested outdoors in the sometimes biting cold, wind, sleet, rain and snow. OK, it sometimes rains on marathoners, but it's usually balmy out, and it doesn't sleet.

As a bonus, you don't have to look at lots and lots of sweaty people in sports bras, tank tops and shorts (OK, sometimes that's fine, but it gets old). Winter Olympians may be sleek or baggy, but they're neon-bright against the snow and ice. Few sports allow as much artistic creativity as the graphics on the second-skin jumpsuits or the elaborate spangles on skating costumes.

All of this could be awesome, and sometimes that manages to bust through despite NBC's best attempts to talk it to death.

(Side note: Why is Bob Costas wearing suits and ties? What is this, CNBC? Put on a sweater, for Pete's sake, nice turtleneck with the Olympic rings on it, something.)

I had my heart in my throat during the men's snowcross last night (I'm now officially a snowcross fanatic), and even though the pairs figure skating turned out to be fall-on-your-butt night for almost everyone, there were gorgeous moments (after I struggled to stay awake through the yapping to see them).

I have vowed to not watch another moment of the Winter Olympics live, as I just can't take it anymore. The fast-forward button is my friend. You've beaten me, NBC, and my only choice is to mute or zap you (except Dick Button, of course).

But I'll still watch, because I have the need for speed and the desire to fly.

UPDATE: Let me amend my above vow to say I'll never watch another moment of primetime Olympics on NBC live. I was watching the women's curling today on CNBC, and those commentators were fine -- informative and not in the least intrusive or annoying. Other NBC commentators, take note.

UPDATE FROM ABROAD: Even the UK takes a swing at NBC's Olympic coverage.

CLARIFICATION: In response to some confused folks in the comments -- when I say I'm watching "live," I mean watching the broadcast as it unfolds in real time, rather than time-shifting and watching it later on the DVR, when I can fast-forward it and stuff. I'm well aware that most of the sporting events are on tape (a fact which further irritates us West Coasters, since the Games are taking place in our time zone, and we have to wait until after the East Coast to see them on TV).

AND IN CONLCUSION: If you want to learn more about the Winter Olympics in Lake Placid, check out this new documentary, 'Small Town, Big Dreams: Lake Placid's Olympic Story," airing on local PBS stations.