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Man, the way this show can surprise you and still make total sense will never get old. You see, Paul Kinsey has become a devotee of Krishna, shaved head and all, and he's trying to convert Harry to his cause. It only takes a hot girl named Lakshmi to get Harry interested, but there's something deeper going on - turns out Paul is in love with her and wants to build a life with her, but not as a Krishna devotee. Even better than the Krishna thing is that he's written a Star Trek spec script and wants Harry to pass it on to NBC for him, and Harry reluctantly agrees to read it. When he finds it's terrible, he goes to Peggy for advice on how to let him down, and I have to say, his concern for Paul's sensitivities, ridiculous though they may be, is one of the best things I've seen from Harry in some time. However, even at his best Harry is still horrible, so when Lakshmi shows up to the office and points her ass in Harry's general direction, Harry doesn't hesitate to get on that, which makes it hilarious when afterward, she cynically tells him she only touched Harry to get him to stay away from Paul. Harry, however, goes with another option - giving Paul five hundred bucks to go to LA without Lakshmi, become a scriptwriter, and never come back, which is simultaneously the nicest and meanest thing anyone could do to anyone, ever.
Lane, it appears, is in far worse financial difficulties than we thought - in fact, he has to come up with the pound sterling equivalent of eight grand to avoid going to prison thanks to his failure to pay taxes to the Crown since he moved to the States. He chooses to add fraud and forgery to his list of crimes in hatching a scheme to get his hands on some SCDP money in the form of a Christmas bonus, but by the end, even though he hasn't been caught yet, it feels like a matter of time, so we can push him up to the top of the list of people who might be jumping off a building by season's end.
Jaguar is back interested in SCDP, thanks to Edwin Baker having spectacularly flamed out of his position, but SCDP is only one of a handful of car-less agencies in town, so they're going to need a kick-ass presentation. Meanwhile, Joan gets served with divorce papers, and after she takes her rage at Greg out on the bimbo receptionist Meredith, Don drags her out of the office to have the one-on-one time we've been waiting for all season. They take out a Jaguar on loan and go for drinks, and Joan confesses that her mother raised her to be admired, which is why the way Greg's treated her makes her feel especially small. Don, however, fondly recalls how he felt intimidated by Joan when he first arrived, and assures her that she'll find someone better. Then when Joan sees an attractive man making eyes at her, Don plays the good wingman and beats a retreat, but between another rocky patch with Megan and the way he makes love to the Jaguar in secret, you wonder if part of him didn't want to get with the only person in the agency with the mystique to match his own. In the end, Don gives the company a huge pep talk about how they're going to win the Jaguar account, leaving everyone feeling warm and fuzzy about SCDP. Can't wait to see how that one is going to go to ****.
Lane, it appears, is in far worse financial difficulties than we thought - in fact, he has to come up with the pound sterling equivalent of eight grand to avoid going to prison thanks to his failure to pay taxes to the Crown since he moved to the States. He chooses to add fraud and forgery to his list of crimes in hatching a scheme to get his hands on some SCDP money in the form of a Christmas bonus, but by the end, even though he hasn't been caught yet, it feels like a matter of time, so we can push him up to the top of the list of people who might be jumping off a building by season's end.
Jaguar is back interested in SCDP, thanks to Edwin Baker having spectacularly flamed out of his position, but SCDP is only one of a handful of car-less agencies in town, so they're going to need a kick-ass presentation. Meanwhile, Joan gets served with divorce papers, and after she takes her rage at Greg out on the bimbo receptionist Meredith, Don drags her out of the office to have the one-on-one time we've been waiting for all season. They take out a Jaguar on loan and go for drinks, and Joan confesses that her mother raised her to be admired, which is why the way Greg's treated her makes her feel especially small. Don, however, fondly recalls how he felt intimidated by Joan when he first arrived, and assures her that she'll find someone better. Then when Joan sees an attractive man making eyes at her, Don plays the good wingman and beats a retreat, but between another rocky patch with Megan and the way he makes love to the Jaguar in secret, you wonder if part of him didn't want to get with the only person in the agency with the mystique to match his own. In the end, Don gives the company a huge pep talk about how they're going to win the Jaguar account, leaving everyone feeling warm and fuzzy about SCDP. Can't wait to see how that one is going to go to ****.
There's a fancy, over-edited recap of last night that talks about the respective journeys of Jessica Sanchez and Phillip Phillips and ends with the onscreen text, "In the end, there can be only one." Prepare for the quickening, everyone.
After the titles but without preamble, we're dropped right into a group performance of "Run Away" by the top twelve through three. They're all dressed in white, as though they're not just eliminated from the competition, but actually dead. I'm a little embarrassed for Josh, having the same status as Jeremy Rosado and Erika Van Pelt (who is at least blonde again), but then he slips and flails during his one dance move, and I'm even more embarrassed. And then there's an extended dance break, both break- and swing, and I'm just embarrassed for everyone on earth. There's some dutiful applause at the end, and then they all part to make way for the judges' entrance, and that of Ryan, who's turned out tonight in a tuxedo. "Yeah, yeah, yeah, Ryan Seacrest," my seven-year-old groans wearily. Ryan says there were 132 million votes last night, a new world record. I didn't even know Guinness tracked that. Ryan calls Jessica and Phil, also in white, and asks the burning question on everyone's mind tonight: did they sleep? Phil, looking like a hippie cult leader in his white pants and Henley mildly informs the world that he slept about nine and a half to ten hours last night. He did better than I did. By the way, so far in the audience I've spotted Scotty McCreery, Jane Lynch, Lisa Rinna, Harry Hamlin and Carrie Underwood.
After the ads, the big guns come out with John Fogerty duetting with Phil (no longer in white) on the latter's song from the California round, "Have You Ever Seen the Rain." After the initial surprise, it gets boring in a hurry. They don't harmonize all that well, possibly because they just met for the first time today. Behold your possible future, Phil; if all goes well tonight, one day you'll find yourself in a courtroom defending yourself in a plagiarism suit. But they're not done! John Fogerty switches from acoustic to electric guitar while Phil mumbles a humble speech and they launch together into "Bad Moon Rising." We are clearly in no hurry whatsoever here.
In further support of this, there's a clip package of the wackier moments from the audition rounds, which I've already recapped once. And in some cases more than that.
Then Joshua comes out to sing "Take Me to the Pilot" by Elton John. It looks like it'll be more of the same, but then he invites on stage "the biggest inspiration of my life," and here comes Fantasia, looking deranged with long, straight hair and a spangly bodysuit with the outsides of the legs missing. As you can imagine, it's a festival of restraint and subtlety. That's a lie, obviously, but fortunately the commercials cut into their scream-off. Mercifully. Turns out a little F/Mantasia goes a long way.
After the titles but without preamble, we're dropped right into a group performance of "Run Away" by the top twelve through three. They're all dressed in white, as though they're not just eliminated from the competition, but actually dead. I'm a little embarrassed for Josh, having the same status as Jeremy Rosado and Erika Van Pelt (who is at least blonde again), but then he slips and flails during his one dance move, and I'm even more embarrassed. And then there's an extended dance break, both break- and swing, and I'm just embarrassed for everyone on earth. There's some dutiful applause at the end, and then they all part to make way for the judges' entrance, and that of Ryan, who's turned out tonight in a tuxedo. "Yeah, yeah, yeah, Ryan Seacrest," my seven-year-old groans wearily. Ryan says there were 132 million votes last night, a new world record. I didn't even know Guinness tracked that. Ryan calls Jessica and Phil, also in white, and asks the burning question on everyone's mind tonight: did they sleep? Phil, looking like a hippie cult leader in his white pants and Henley mildly informs the world that he slept about nine and a half to ten hours last night. He did better than I did. By the way, so far in the audience I've spotted Scotty McCreery, Jane Lynch, Lisa Rinna, Harry Hamlin and Carrie Underwood.
After the ads, the big guns come out with John Fogerty duetting with Phil (no longer in white) on the latter's song from the California round, "Have You Ever Seen the Rain." After the initial surprise, it gets boring in a hurry. They don't harmonize all that well, possibly because they just met for the first time today. Behold your possible future, Phil; if all goes well tonight, one day you'll find yourself in a courtroom defending yourself in a plagiarism suit. But they're not done! John Fogerty switches from acoustic to electric guitar while Phil mumbles a humble speech and they launch together into "Bad Moon Rising." We are clearly in no hurry whatsoever here.
In further support of this, there's a clip package of the wackier moments from the audition rounds, which I've already recapped once. And in some cases more than that.
Then Joshua comes out to sing "Take Me to the Pilot" by Elton John. It looks like it'll be more of the same, but then he invites on stage "the biggest inspiration of my life," and here comes Fantasia, looking deranged with long, straight hair and a spangly bodysuit with the outsides of the legs missing. As you can imagine, it's a festival of restraint and subtlety. That's a lie, obviously, but fortunately the commercials cut into their scream-off. Mercifully. Turns out a little F/Mantasia goes a long way.
Tonight's pre-credits sequence is about the final two. It's all diary-themed because this is their "story," and the onscreen text reminds us that their auditions were on opposite coasts. I think that's possibly the least significant way in which Phillip Phillips and Jessica Sanchez are opposites.
After the titles, the judges come out, followed by Ryan with an unusually frozen smile. Tonight's taping is in the Nokia Theater, he informs us, which looks rather larger than the dinky little auditorium they're usually in. Ryan polls the audience by applause to find out whether Jessica or Phillip has more fans, and it sounds like a dead heat, possibly thanks to some excellent on-the-fly sound mixing. Ryan calls them out onstage, and in honor of the occasion, Jessica's wearing another prom gown while Phil has troubled himself to put on black pants under his t-shirt and open button-down. Fancy.
Ryan dismisses them for now and tells us about the three rounds tonight. First will be Simon Fuller's choice of songs for them, then each of the contestant's favorite songs and then each of their "potential winning songs," whatever that means. Also, each finalist has four phone numbers, which won't be confusing for anyone at all, in the four-hour voting window after the show.
After the titles, the judges come out, followed by Ryan with an unusually frozen smile. Tonight's taping is in the Nokia Theater, he informs us, which looks rather larger than the dinky little auditorium they're usually in. Ryan polls the audience by applause to find out whether Jessica or Phillip has more fans, and it sounds like a dead heat, possibly thanks to some excellent on-the-fly sound mixing. Ryan calls them out onstage, and in honor of the occasion, Jessica's wearing another prom gown while Phil has troubled himself to put on black pants under his t-shirt and open button-down. Fancy.
Ryan dismisses them for now and tells us about the three rounds tonight. First will be Simon Fuller's choice of songs for them, then each of the contestant's favorite songs and then each of their "potential winning songs," whatever that means. Also, each finalist has four phone numbers, which won't be confusing for anyone at all, in the four-hour voting window after the show.
It's time for graduation, which means lots of sappy songs and nostalgic memories. Everybody sings lots of songs to say goodbye, and we get some nice flashbacks to first season scenes. A few actual plot developments happen. First, we learn that Mercedes has been offered a gig as a backup singer in L.A., so she plans to move there and study part-time while singing. Second, Santana really doesn't want to go to Kentucky to be a cheerleader, especially after learning that Brit isn't going to graduate (what with her 0.0 GPA). Santana's fabulous mother, played by Gloria Estefan, is reluctant to support Santana's dream of going to NY to pursue a show-biz career, but she eventually comes around. Puck, inspired by a magic kiss from Quinn, regains his confidence and passes his exam, allowing him to graduate. And Burt's graduation gift to Kurt is a recreation of Kurt's famous "All the Single Ladies" dance performance. And they all graduate.
The biggest plot development is that Finn and Kurt both fail to get into their chosen New York schools, while Rachel is accepted to the Fictional New York Theater School. Rachel decides she doesn't want to leave Finn behind or be in New York without Kurt, so she elects to defer her admission for a year to stick around and help them perfect their auditions so they can all go together. But Finn finally develops some kind of a brain, and on the way to their wedding he ambushes her by bringing her to the train to New York, where her fathers are waiting to look at the dorms with her. Finn insists that she go to New York, and to be certain she doesn't hang around waiting for him, he's joined the army. So, no wedding, and a tear-filled Amtrak solo from Rachel.
Featuring: Rod Stewart's "Forever Young," performed by Will; Bruce Springsteen's "Glory Days," performed by Puck during the graduation ceremony; Madonna's "I'll Remember," performed by Kurt; The Beatles' "In My Life," performed by the underclasspersons; Room for Two's "Roots Before Branches," performed by Rachel; and the New Radicals' "You Get What You Give," performed by the graduating seniors. Oh, and a reprise of "Sit Down, You're Rocking the Boat," from the very first episode.
The biggest plot development is that Finn and Kurt both fail to get into their chosen New York schools, while Rachel is accepted to the Fictional New York Theater School. Rachel decides she doesn't want to leave Finn behind or be in New York without Kurt, so she elects to defer her admission for a year to stick around and help them perfect their auditions so they can all go together. But Finn finally develops some kind of a brain, and on the way to their wedding he ambushes her by bringing her to the train to New York, where her fathers are waiting to look at the dorms with her. Finn insists that she go to New York, and to be certain she doesn't hang around waiting for him, he's joined the army. So, no wedding, and a tear-filled Amtrak solo from Rachel.
Featuring: Rod Stewart's "Forever Young," performed by Will; Bruce Springsteen's "Glory Days," performed by Puck during the graduation ceremony; Madonna's "I'll Remember," performed by Kurt; The Beatles' "In My Life," performed by the underclasspersons; Room for Two's "Roots Before Branches," performed by Rachel; and the New Radicals' "You Get What You Give," performed by the graduating seniors. Oh, and a reprise of "Sit Down, You're Rocking the Boat," from the very first episode.
It's the finale! And it's two hours! Which means a lot of filler and three more dances that won't mean anything or even affect the outcome and after 118 minutes, the winner will be crowned. So let's get to it.
I love how these opening clip packages treat the show so seriously, like if it's like, "Who cares, it's not like this matters?", the viewers would be like, "Hey, you're right." And change the channel.
All of the pros who aren't in the finals come out for a group dance, and I have to say that I'm impressed with Maks's contemporary dancing. He's pretty good! I never thought he was that great at anything but Latin/ballroom stuff. The useless troupe is there also. And then all of the eliminated contestants get to do a little Soul Train style run down the floor (and prove why they were eliminated in the first place) and finally, the finalists show up on the stage for one last pose.
Tom sets up the stakes for each one: William has the charisma, Katherine has the technical gifts, and Donald is the hard worker. So let's look back twenty-four hours to what happened last night in case you developed short-term amnesia and forgot already. Are there a ton of people watching this finale that didn't watch last night, really? I guess they have to do this though. They do have two hours to fill. Ooh, Cheryl seems a little peeved with Len for the 9 when everyone else gave them 10s. She tries to make it out like she's joking around, but there was an undercurrent of annoyed. Watching Katherine's freestyle again, I still can't believe that they got a perfect score. Those transitions in and out of lifts were terrible. Carrie Ann was so thrilled with Donald's freestyle that she climbed up on the desk and cheered. And when you watch his and Peta's lifts versus Mark and Katherine's - I just can't see how those two routines got the same scores.
I love how these opening clip packages treat the show so seriously, like if it's like, "Who cares, it's not like this matters?", the viewers would be like, "Hey, you're right." And change the channel.
All of the pros who aren't in the finals come out for a group dance, and I have to say that I'm impressed with Maks's contemporary dancing. He's pretty good! I never thought he was that great at anything but Latin/ballroom stuff. The useless troupe is there also. And then all of the eliminated contestants get to do a little Soul Train style run down the floor (and prove why they were eliminated in the first place) and finally, the finalists show up on the stage for one last pose.
Tom sets up the stakes for each one: William has the charisma, Katherine has the technical gifts, and Donald is the hard worker. So let's look back twenty-four hours to what happened last night in case you developed short-term amnesia and forgot already. Are there a ton of people watching this finale that didn't watch last night, really? I guess they have to do this though. They do have two hours to fill. Ooh, Cheryl seems a little peeved with Len for the 9 when everyone else gave them 10s. She tries to make it out like she's joking around, but there was an undercurrent of annoyed. Watching Katherine's freestyle again, I still can't believe that they got a perfect score. Those transitions in and out of lifts were terrible. Carrie Ann was so thrilled with Donald's freestyle that she climbed up on the desk and cheered. And when you watch his and Peta's lifts versus Mark and Katherine's - I just can't see how those two routines got the same scores.
Hi there! I'm subbing in for Daniel, because after the premiere showed him what the season of this show was going to be like, he did something to his finger that required five stitches. I'm not editorializing or implying a connection, just letting you know the facts. Another fact is that I've probably seen about an hour of this franchise's programming in my lifetime, so we'll be tripling my "That's a [time unit] of my life I'll never get back" total here. Exciting!
So there's a "Tonight on The Bachelorette section, and if the show thinks I'm so breathless with anticipation that I can't wait for the events of the episode to unfold in "real" time, we're off to a pretty bad start. Also off to a bad start is Emily, if the fact that she can see spending the rest of her life with, based on what I'm seeing, fifty-seven different guys who would actually appear on this show is any indication. And based on my attitude so far, I'm starting to wonder if I'm recapping the show for the right reasons.
There's an overproduced (fake? Does it matter?) news segment about how "some speculate" (that's some crack reporting) the show is taking place in Charlotte so Emily can stay close to her daughter, and the "massive effort" put into the Bachelorette mansion, which is the sort of unintentional damning-with-faint-praise I'd expect from this offering. After some shots of ducks that my closed-captioning helpfully informs me are "quacking," Emily VOs that it's so great to have her daughter and mother there, as if this whole thing isn't embarrassing enough without dragging your surrounding familial generations into it. Emily's cute, though! She praises her "support system," and then one friend asks if she's nervous about "your date" that night, which makes me wonder if she understands all the nuances of the show. (Hee, "nuances.") But she's referring to the first date of the... competition, I guess, even though Emily wouldn't want it referred to as such. (Spoiler!)
Chris Harrison calls inside for the "gentlemen" to come join him in the courtyard, because none of them would have been hanging outside on this beautiful day on their own. He lays out the rules of the dates, and for as little as I've watched the show I've read Daniel's recaps faithfully enough to know that they haven't changed. However, if you want a surprise, Chris Harrison was just within spitting distance of almost twenty men and I still heard nary a "bro," "dude," or even "man." I guess these terms of affection need to be earned.
So there's a "Tonight on The Bachelorette section, and if the show thinks I'm so breathless with anticipation that I can't wait for the events of the episode to unfold in "real" time, we're off to a pretty bad start. Also off to a bad start is Emily, if the fact that she can see spending the rest of her life with, based on what I'm seeing, fifty-seven different guys who would actually appear on this show is any indication. And based on my attitude so far, I'm starting to wonder if I'm recapping the show for the right reasons.
There's an overproduced (fake? Does it matter?) news segment about how "some speculate" (that's some crack reporting) the show is taking place in Charlotte so Emily can stay close to her daughter, and the "massive effort" put into the Bachelorette mansion, which is the sort of unintentional damning-with-faint-praise I'd expect from this offering. After some shots of ducks that my closed-captioning helpfully informs me are "quacking," Emily VOs that it's so great to have her daughter and mother there, as if this whole thing isn't embarrassing enough without dragging your surrounding familial generations into it. Emily's cute, though! She praises her "support system," and then one friend asks if she's nervous about "your date" that night, which makes me wonder if she understands all the nuances of the show. (Hee, "nuances.") But she's referring to the first date of the... competition, I guess, even though Emily wouldn't want it referred to as such. (Spoiler!)
Chris Harrison calls inside for the "gentlemen" to come join him in the courtyard, because none of them would have been hanging outside on this beautiful day on their own. He lays out the rules of the dates, and for as little as I've watched the show I've read Daniel's recaps faithfully enough to know that they haven't changed. However, if you want a surprise, Chris Harrison was just within spitting distance of almost twenty men and I still heard nary a "bro," "dude," or even "man." I guess these terms of affection need to be earned.
The finals kind of snuck up on me this season. I don't think we need to go on for more weeks or anything; I think this season was exactly the right length whereas usually when the finals come around, I'm like, "Let's get ON with it already. Lord." Also, I have no idea who's going to win tomorrow night. I think any of the final three could take it, which actually makes tonight interesting.
William and Cheryl are up first. Tonight each couple has to do a judge's pick, and their assigned judge is Bruno, who might sexually assault William. I'm a little worried. Although William can probably handle himself, since he's about twice Bruno's size. Bruno watched them rehearse their cha cha and really doesn't have much to add, since they're doing great. He admires William's hip action and the only advice he has is that William needs to stand up straight and tuck his butt underneath him.
They are dancing the cha cha to Pink's "Raise Your Glass" and the band is MURDERING it. It sounds terrible. The singer is off-key, the background singers are off-key - just awful, and distracting from the routine. Anyway, William looks good, although I'm not feeling the connection between him and Cheryl. I don't see any missteps or obvious errors in technique, but it also seems pretty basic. It was a great week five or six routine; I'm just not sure it was a GREAT finals dance. Maybe just a very good one.
Judges? Len thought it was as good as he's ever seen in terms of cha cha. Really? Okay. Bruno calls it "an intoxicating Cuban cocktail" and says he's green with envy regarding the hip action, and adds that his placement was fantastic. Carrie Ann thinks William has added sophistication to his moves and they've seen a ton of growth. See, I haven't seen a ton of growth. He's marginally better than he was at the beginning. He just doesn't do it for me. Scores: Carrie Ann 10, Len 10, and Bruno 10. Oh, so it's going to be that kind of night.
William and Cheryl are up first. Tonight each couple has to do a judge's pick, and their assigned judge is Bruno, who might sexually assault William. I'm a little worried. Although William can probably handle himself, since he's about twice Bruno's size. Bruno watched them rehearse their cha cha and really doesn't have much to add, since they're doing great. He admires William's hip action and the only advice he has is that William needs to stand up straight and tuck his butt underneath him.
They are dancing the cha cha to Pink's "Raise Your Glass" and the band is MURDERING it. It sounds terrible. The singer is off-key, the background singers are off-key - just awful, and distracting from the routine. Anyway, William looks good, although I'm not feeling the connection between him and Cheryl. I don't see any missteps or obvious errors in technique, but it also seems pretty basic. It was a great week five or six routine; I'm just not sure it was a GREAT finals dance. Maybe just a very good one.
Judges? Len thought it was as good as he's ever seen in terms of cha cha. Really? Okay. Bruno calls it "an intoxicating Cuban cocktail" and says he's green with envy regarding the hip action, and adds that his placement was fantastic. Carrie Ann thinks William has added sophistication to his moves and they've seen a ton of growth. See, I haven't seen a ton of growth. He's marginally better than he was at the beginning. He just doesn't do it for me. Scores: Carrie Ann 10, Len 10, and Bruno 10. Oh, so it's going to be that kind of night.
The patient of the week is a heroin addict who might have an ulcer or Lou Gehrig's Disease, but really inhaled a branch. He gets very little attention, because (as even House admits) nobody cares about the medical details. More attention is given to House trying to get out of going to jail for flushing those season tickets down the drain, but no one will help him.
But the real drama comes from House, alone in a burning building with a corpse, talking to figments of his imagination that include Kutner, Cameron, and Stacy. We never learn just how the building caught on fire, but it probably has something to do with House being out of his mind on heroin. Anyway, he burns to death and there are some very touching eulogies.
And then he's not really dead, so he and Wilson go and ride motorcycles for a few months until Wilson presumably dies. The end!
But the real drama comes from House, alone in a burning building with a corpse, talking to figments of his imagination that include Kutner, Cameron, and Stacy. We never learn just how the building caught on fire, but it probably has something to do with House being out of his mind on heroin. Anyway, he burns to death and there are some very touching eulogies.
And then he's not really dead, so he and Wilson go and ride motorcycles for a few months until Wilson presumably dies. The end!
Previously on Masterpiece Classics Presents The Real Housewives of New Jersey: Lauren is on a diet, and as often happens when people don't eat, she's in a bit of a wicked mood. The Gorgas and Giudices were the collective worst, per usual. And ha! Joe Gorga called himself an angel from God. I mean, obviously. Who else but an angel of God would say "**** you, bitch" to his beloved sister as he stormed off?
We begin the episode with Teresa recounting the pool party conversation with her brother to supreme Neanderthal Juicy Joe. Being the kind, supportive spouse that we know him to be, Juicy calls her a ****ing idiot for even talking to her brother. He goes on an expletive-laden account of how he, who I believe is the self-proclaimed smartest person since Jesus, would have shown Joe Gorga the hand. Juicy would have told Joe Gorga to go talk to someone who has his mentality. Uhhhhhhhhh. I mean. I guess I would say these mental giants are all equally matched? Teresa uses this as an example of why you shouldn't tell your husband everything. Like, how you shouldn't tell your husband that you're packing up and taking the four kids to a safe house in the middle of the night and leaving him with the pet wolves and the house in foreclosure. Teresa adds that Juicy is also a Gemini, which I guess is the sign of reprehensible *******s. Sorry, Geminis!
Juicy tells Teresa that Joe and Melissa are not welcome in their house, and that they'll never get along with those jealous, no-good idiots. As Teresa starts to protest on behalf of the kids being able to play together, Juicy Joe says, and I quoth, "When I say something, you ****ing listen. And shut up." Oh, poor Teresa! I want her to be strategic, and realize that if she divorces this lunk and starts over as a single mom with four kids, she'll totally get a spin-off. She does tell Juicy not to tell her to shut up, especially on camera. And then he gets hostile about her parents as well, and says that if she tries to get him around her family, he'll leave her. OH MY GOD, DO IT. Everyone will be better off! Teresa defends him in an interview, saying that that's not what he means, and that he just babbles when he's angry, and they hardly ever fight. I'm okay with babbling generally, but if that babbling takes the form of, "When I say something, you ****ing listen," we're going to have a bit of a problem. But wait, there's more! What more loving words could a dedicated wife hope to hear from her husband than, "**** you and your ****ing family." I am actually worried about Teresa at this point. And everyone hates her too much to stage an intervention!
We begin the episode with Teresa recounting the pool party conversation with her brother to supreme Neanderthal Juicy Joe. Being the kind, supportive spouse that we know him to be, Juicy calls her a ****ing idiot for even talking to her brother. He goes on an expletive-laden account of how he, who I believe is the self-proclaimed smartest person since Jesus, would have shown Joe Gorga the hand. Juicy would have told Joe Gorga to go talk to someone who has his mentality. Uhhhhhhhhh. I mean. I guess I would say these mental giants are all equally matched? Teresa uses this as an example of why you shouldn't tell your husband everything. Like, how you shouldn't tell your husband that you're packing up and taking the four kids to a safe house in the middle of the night and leaving him with the pet wolves and the house in foreclosure. Teresa adds that Juicy is also a Gemini, which I guess is the sign of reprehensible *******s. Sorry, Geminis!
Juicy tells Teresa that Joe and Melissa are not welcome in their house, and that they'll never get along with those jealous, no-good idiots. As Teresa starts to protest on behalf of the kids being able to play together, Juicy Joe says, and I quoth, "When I say something, you ****ing listen. And shut up." Oh, poor Teresa! I want her to be strategic, and realize that if she divorces this lunk and starts over as a single mom with four kids, she'll totally get a spin-off. She does tell Juicy not to tell her to shut up, especially on camera. And then he gets hostile about her parents as well, and says that if she tries to get him around her family, he'll leave her. OH MY GOD, DO IT. Everyone will be better off! Teresa defends him in an interview, saying that that's not what he means, and that he just babbles when he's angry, and they hardly ever fight. I'm okay with babbling generally, but if that babbling takes the form of, "When I say something, you ****ing listen," we're going to have a bit of a problem. But wait, there's more! What more loving words could a dedicated wife hope to hear from her husband than, "**** you and your ****ing family." I am actually worried about Teresa at this point. And everyone hates her too much to stage an intervention!
For whatever reason, Richard Roman negotiates a deal with the temporarily ensnared Crowley that basically amounts to this: If Crowley agrees to sneakily provide Our Intrepid Heroes with a vial of ordinary demon blood -- thus rendering This Year's Unnecessarily Complicated Ultimate Weapon useless -- The Leviathans will grant the demonic horde full dominion over Canada in perpetuity. This is an asinine move on both of their parts for a number of reasons, so it's a good thing Crowley promptly goes behind Richard Roman's back the instant he's freed to screw the idiot Leviathan King over by providing Our Intrepid Heroes with a vial of his own super-potent demon blood, so there's that bit of this year's season finale all sorted.
Unfortunately, Our Intrepid Heroes must also still deal with My Bat**** Baboo, who is totally useless, and Dead Bobby, who threatens to derail their slapped-together plan by barging into Leviathan World Headquarters on his own. The former issue never really does get resolved this evening, but the latter goes away when Darling Sammy somehow shows Dead Bobby the error of his ways, after which Dashing El Deano tearfully barbecues Dead Bobby's traveling flask, thereby at last sending Dead Bobby on to his just reward. So, you know, expect the grizzled old spectral coot to resurface sometime in November.
And in the end, with a minor assist from Demon Meg and a major assist from Crowley's army of minions, Our Intrepid Heroes manage to break into Leviathan World Headquarters, where Dashing El Deano spears Richard Roman through the neck with This Year's Unnecessarily Complex Ultimate Weapon. Of course, there's a problem: The force of the vanquish blasts both Dashing El Deano and My Sweet Baboo bodily into Purgatory, where they are immediately menaced by a pack of snarling, red-eyed beasties. DUN! Will Supernatural's prettiest cast members survive?
Unfortunately, Our Intrepid Heroes must also still deal with My Bat**** Baboo, who is totally useless, and Dead Bobby, who threatens to derail their slapped-together plan by barging into Leviathan World Headquarters on his own. The former issue never really does get resolved this evening, but the latter goes away when Darling Sammy somehow shows Dead Bobby the error of his ways, after which Dashing El Deano tearfully barbecues Dead Bobby's traveling flask, thereby at last sending Dead Bobby on to his just reward. So, you know, expect the grizzled old spectral coot to resurface sometime in November.
And in the end, with a minor assist from Demon Meg and a major assist from Crowley's army of minions, Our Intrepid Heroes manage to break into Leviathan World Headquarters, where Dashing El Deano spears Richard Roman through the neck with This Year's Unnecessarily Complex Ultimate Weapon. Of course, there's a problem: The force of the vanquish blasts both Dashing El Deano and My Sweet Baboo bodily into Purgatory, where they are immediately menaced by a pack of snarling, red-eyed beasties. DUN! Will Supernatural's prettiest cast members survive?
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