'The Biggest Loser: Families': A victory for spite and Michelle

Our long national The Biggest Loser: Families nightmare is over! No longer will we be haunted by the fear that Vile Vicky, Henchwoman Heba or Easily-Led Ed would take the prize from America's Sweetheart of Last Resort, the indomitable Michelle. And while it was a split verdict in terms of rewarding evil, the 84 percent (!!!) of us who cast our votes for Ed out of spite were in the right. 

The penultimate episode of The Biggest Loser: Families was just made to annoy. First, it was so stuffed with filler that I'm surprised my TV didn't start vomiting Styrofoam pellets. Second, The Brats in Blue continue to annoy the crap out of me -- and, I imagine, all viewers. Can we vote both of the bottom two off? More »

Curses! Once again, we're denied the satisfaction of Vile Vicky's ouster on The Biggest Loser: Families. What's worse, it looks like the editors are trying to humanize her. Too late! More »

Last week, Amy proved her loyalty to Team Blue by voting off Coleen off The Biggest Loser: Families instead of Vile Vicky. This week, she's rewarded for that loyalty, in just the way we all predicted. Oh, Amy!

Last week, Amy shocked her team -- and delighted the viewing audiences -- by voting Brady off The Biggest Loser: Families. Will we experience similar joy this week? I won't tell you that yet, but I will tell you that depending on your age and fashion sense, you'll experience nausea, confusion and/or deep, abiding shame as you watch the competitors and trainers dress up for 80s week.

A past competitor comes back to The Biggest Loser: Families campus this week, and a mighty alliance is shaken up. The two events are not related. Plus, if I had a nickel for every time I screamed "HATE!" at the screen, I'd be able to pay off my mortgage (or at least to repair the hole in the floor caused by all those nickels. I must remember to attach a lighter currency to my hatred.)

The Blue Meanies continue to wreak havoc on The Biggest Loser: Families this week, staging an unwanted intervention, probably lying to their trainer, and generally being snots. Of course, one member of Team Black isn't exactly wining friends and influencing people, either.

I've finally figured out who to hate! There have been three or four candidates vying for the position of Most Detestable on The Biggest Loser: Families, but this week, one surged ahead of the pack and managed to piss me off more than everyone else combined.

The Biggest Loser: Families sees a couple of those families torn asunder when the teams break down into Black vs. Blue. What's worse, both Amys end up on the same team, so I can't distinguish them by color anymore. Come on, folks -- what about my needs?

The Biggest Loser: Families raises an interesting metaphysical question: How the hell do they fit three hours worth of filler into a one-hour show?