Finalewatch: 'Privileged'

Old people, as we all know, move to Florida to stave off impending death. But Privileged was already set in Florida. So that's not going to work. Hence, the presumptive series finale.

Will's dad declares his new magazine open for business on this week's episode of Privileged. Unfortunately, the magazine still doesn't have a name. And what was once a pretty simple concept of a magazine focusing on charity work has ballooned into something much more amorphous. Hmmm, does this remind us of anything?

It's Charlie's final episode on Privileged. But just as Charlie is leaving, God shows up for the first time. So, you know, fair trade, I guess.

As this week's Privileged opens, Megan asks if Will gave Shelby the money via check, or briefcase full of cash. Will notes that only people in Mission: Impossible actually traffic in briefcases full of cash. Moral of the story: if you ever see a shiny silver briefcase, steal that briefcase immediately, because it is guaranteed to be full of cash. Nobody has ever, ever used a shiny silver briefcase for anything other than making shady underhanded cash deals.

To celebrate the great English poets, I wrote today's Privileged recap entirely in iambic pentameter.

In the spirit of the new year, we should all resolve to be a little nicer. Then again, being really catty and negative is usually more fun. And this is the internet, after all, where negativity is the global standard. But here in this episode, Privileged did something quite annoying to me: they went and started to fix every one of the smaller pet peeves I had about the show. How dare they.

This is the last of the two-week experiment with Privileged on Monday nights after Gossip Girl, and regardless of what it means long-term for Privileged's ratings, I can take this conclusion for sure: watching the scheming of an average GG episode back-to-back with what qualifies for a cunning scheme for Rose and Sage is a little disorienting. It's like going to a pro hockey game where they have the little tykes come out and play in between periods.

I can't give you a giant Christmas tree. I can't whip up either a rabbit cassoulet or a noodle casserole. I might be able to bedazzle some jeans, but I doubt you'd be very interested. Instead, all I can offer is my humble appreciation for the opportunity to talk Privileged with you. Now, let's have some fun, OK?

Last week on Privileged, Will took a chance on Megan, Rose revealed a shockingly lovely singing voice, and resentment began to simmer when Sage realized that her sister was beginning to outshine her. But how will Megan and Laurel react when they learn that Rose's burgeoning fame has cost her a passing Lit grade?

On last week's Privileged, the twins learned the power of marketing, and Laurel accused Megan of blackmail when Megan inadvertently discovered the ill-timed birth of the twins' mother. Wow, Palm Beach is not a good place to find a functional family, is it?