It's here! It's here! The End of Whitney! And the beginning of, well, probably either Samantha or McKey as the reigning America's Next Top Model. Because not once in eleven cycles has the girl I backed won this thing. Apparently, Tyra sees "real model" in girls that, you know, never model again after this show ends.

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Last week, Elina was just too old, too stiff, and too European to be America's Next Top Model. For those taking notes at home, we are now forced to choose between a boxer, an ice-skater, a hunchback, and um, Samantha. Almost makes you long for Saleisha, don't it. Continue reading »

Poor Sheena straddled a ship (not a euphemism) last week and was eliminated for it. This week's America's Next Top Model finds the final five rushing about Amsterdam via water-taxis and by foot before going "bare" in their photo shoot. Continue reading »

Previously on America's Next Top Model, the models were required to memorize lines and speak on camera, which is always a delightful trainwreck. We're down to Elina, Marjorie, Sheena, Analeigh, Samantha and McKey. I have to say, I generally like all the girls left except Sam, so I hope she goes home.

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Whenever it was that we last caught up with America's Next Top Model, Lauren Brie's innate modeling ability got her sent home, while somehow Samantha's Ellen Barkin face lives on. And seven "models" remain!

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Last week on America's Next Top Model, Clark learned that there is a big difference between fierce and evil, and Marjorie wept. Paulina blamed Europe. The rest of us blamed brain chemistry. Eight girls remain!

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Last week, America's Next Top Model reminded us that it is not, in fact, America's Next Top Priscilla, Queen of the Desert and sent Isis home due to her lack of growth as a model. Hannah got sent home, too, mostly for being the modeling world's answer to Sarah Palin.

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Last week, America's Next Top Model's Brittany committed the fatal sin of being too pretty, Elina found herself some racial ambiguity, and my friend and boss Brill Bundy kindly covered my recap for me as a birthday gift (thanks Brill!)

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Although I agree that Nikeysha was  awful, I was slightly disappointed to see her dismissed last week from America's Next Top Model before the cycle's makeovers could take place. I was looking forward to hearing Tyra tell her how her hair was all wrong, even though it was the same horrific hairstyle Miss Tyra bestowed on Saleisha two seasons ago and tried to sell the viewers on it being "Louise Brooks" even though it was obviously "Dorothy Hamil."

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Last week on America's Next Top Model, lots of girls went home, Isis repped the 'Crying Game' set, Sharaun learned that Our Lady of the Banks is intolerant only of intolerance (and bad pictures), and we were all reminded to vote. Unsurprisingly, the Tyrabot enjoys being on top, so let's proceed, shall we?

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