'Jersey Shore' recap: Team Meatballs, Attack!

Previously: A wall got head from The Situation. SamRo 2.0 broke up for the bazillionth time, but that didn't stop the drama when Sammi questioned roses that Ronnie bought her. Naturally, he threw them in the trash. Sitch spread a rumor that Snooki spread for him.

It's morning (or, more likely, afternoon) in Florence, and everyone is sleeping while Sitch moans and groans about his neck pain. Yes. The pain he caused by ramming his own head into a concrete wall. Everyone eventually wakes up, and Ronnie makes a beeline for Sammi, telling her that he loves her and wants to clear things up. He realizes that he let his ego take over the night before. A bit later, Sitchy is still whimpering when Pauly emerges from bed. Pauly thinks Sitch looks ridiculous and should "stop milkin' that ****" and make better use of his time in Italy. At some point, he purloined Sitch's neck brace so he and Vinny can make fun of their good friend in the confessional booth. Sitch calls his sister Melissa to tell her what happened. He says he's so miserable he's thinking about leaving. She affirms that running head-first into a wall was "a crazy move" and basically tells him to stop being a baby and wait a few days before piling one more bad decision on the heap.

The ladies drop their stuff at the lavanderia before heading to lunch. They all agree that the altercation between Ronnie, The Situation, and the wall was scary. They think Ronnie should realize he was being awful and pipe down for a couple weeks. Sammi notes that Sitch is depressed, but JWOWW is unsympathetic. She says (and they all agree) that Sitch needs to buck up because his only injuries were self-inflicted. Therefore, he has no right to bitch and moan, nor is he entitled to anybody's sympathy. Snooki says that her ill feelings toward Sitch haven't changed, but she's happy they're not fighting for these few glorious moments. Then JWOWW asks, "Could you imagine a fight like that going on with the girls?" They all laugh. Not sure if it's short memory or they've actually reached a point where they can laugh about the Miami histrionics.

Back at la casa, Sitch tells Ronnie he's thinking about leaving. So ludicrous is this idea that Ronnie doesn't even launch into pleas or pacifiers (which is 100% what Sitch wants). Instead, he says tersely, "No." That said, Ronnie does empathize with the loneliness that Sitch is going through (again, self-imposed!), so he offers Sitch a shoulder to cry on. Of course, Sitchy can't actually take him up on it since he can bend his head... Sitch reveals what this is really about: He feels impotent because needs others' help to do just about anything. I say "just about" because moping is clearly still within his skill set. If there were a moping marathon, he would take first place.

Ronnie rubs Sitch's back and tells him that he's there for him even after their fight. Then, awesomely their little talk becomes a full-on therapy session. Ronnie says, "It's not all about being tough. Be real. Let it all out." I cynically wonder if the producers encouraged him to take this tack just so they could get footage of The Situation crying. Whether they did or not, Ronnie's anti-Dr. Phil works a charm. Sitch blubbers as he reiterates that he hates not being able to do anything for himself. Then Ronnie ridiculously asks if Sitch wants to go to the gym with the other guys. Sitch laughs at the absurdity of this suggestion and, like a plastic bag dancing in the wind, the moment must end. Ronnie's point is that Sitch would benefit from getting out of the house, but it's just such a nonsense choice to make. Not dinner or a walk in the park or something low-impact. Instead, he suggests Sitch go watch as his pals full-on grunt and strain and pop veins out of their ****. That's Ronnie's idea. No, that won't amplify Sitch's feelings of impotence at all. Also? A little bit HoYay!, no?