'Jersey Shore' recap: Hook-Ups & Beat Downs

Previously on "Jersey Shore": Angelina was the face of the double standard after she crapped where she ate. Things came to a boiling point after The Situation found a used feminine hygiene product on the floor of the bathroom, putting a whole new 'T' in GTL, y'all.

We rejoin World War Sheesh right after Angelina stepped up to Sitch for calling her, among other things, a "dirty little hamster." She gets in one good fist-to-face contact before her "real friends" (including some guy she met five minutes ago) hold her back. Ronnie and Sammi come back home and are actually surprised at the sight of it. For my part, I'm surprised that they haven't gotten used to this level of constant chaos by now. Sitch avoids Angelina, whose girlfriend brings the class hardcore by telling her, "You wanna f*** 10 guys in one day? You can. That's your f***in' business." The best part is that this, while she's saying this, they pass by the random sap they brought home from the beach without batting an eyelash. Homeboy has no idea what he got into.

Pauly tells the guy he has to leave so they can attend to "family business." Being both willful and completely oblivious to context, Angelina argues that her "friend" should be able to stay. Pauly dismisses him, saying they can hook up later. The guy is more than happy to leave, though Angelina commands him to leave his phone number. Pauly interviews that he must have left her a fake phone number because why in the world would he want to get it in after seeing what havoc Angelina wreaks without even really trying?

After he leaves, Sitch tells Angelina that they're beyond hugging it out. She crossed an unforgivable boundary when she punched him in the face. Sammi advises her to stay away from the confrontation. Angelina justifies herself in an interview by saying the house has broken her down and she's "never been in so much drama." That she single-handedly created! She heads outside to cry, like a kid who got caught stealing candy.

Back inside, Vinny can't believe the girls are all up for fist-fighting this time around. Sitch consults with his boys over whether to forgive her, but he thinks physical contact (specifically punching, as opposed to JWOWW's slap fest in AC last year, apparently) is inexcusable. Pauly waits for Angelina's girlfriend to head outside before arguing that Angelina starts all this bulls*** drama herself. He thinks Sitch should neither forgive her nor feel bad that she's crying, and the guys agree. The tribe has spoken, Schmolie.

Outside, Angelina goes off on how Sitch is psycho (pot-kettle) and old-looking (fair enough). Inside, the guys return to the much-less-valid argument that Angelina is a dirty whore and shouldn't be bringing boys home. Should have stopped while they were ahead. Angelina worries about what she'll do when her friend leaves, vowing to punch everyone in the house in the face if provoked. And on this show, I could see it happening. These producers don't give a f***. None of this weak-ass "no contact" stuff like on the "Real World." Back inside, the guys lighten up as they start laughing about moving Angelina's bed outside, then throwing her into the garbage bags from whence it came. Angelina takes a more serious tone, saying these people are not her true friends (really?!) and that she misses her real life.

JWOWW returns with Tom, and Sitch apprises her of the blow-up. He thinks Angelina only stepped up to him because she knows he wouldn't hit back and that she'd be too scared to test the waters with any of the other girls. JWOWW unexpectedly sticks up for Angelina (not to The Situation's face, mind you). She interviews that she thinks Angelina has earned her spot in the house by the amount of confrontation's she's been in and her sheer stick-to-it-iveness. Way to think like a producer, Ms. Farley. JWOWW finds Angelina and invites her into the ultra-exclusive "I Hit Michael Sorrentino Club." Angelina's in no mood for commiserating, though, and wonders aloud whether she should leave the house. She's had her fill of "mental abuse" -- again, all of her own creation -- but JWOWW urges her to stick around, saying she deserves it. Angelina is surprised by JWOWW's encouraging words. I'm sure JWOWW is up to no good, but it's certainly a way to keep the s***storm raging. Hell, as long as it keeps things interesting enough that we never have to hear about Ronnie and Sammi again, I'm okay with this plan.

Eventually the various cliques within the house decide to go out, and the guys have a repeat of last week's festive, giggle-filled singing about "T-Shirt tiiiiiiiiime!" Sitch calls the cab, and there's a round of hilarity when the dispatcher are very confused about this passenger that calls himself The Situation. Sitch also beckons the Canadian trick he met in da club -- the one who was hot enough he almost f***ed in the bathroom, if you'll recall. He gives her a tour of the house, presumptuously asking her which pajamas she wants for later that night, and calling dibs on the Communal Smush Room.

Everyone heads out, where Angelina meets up with Jose so she can "steer clear of the drama." I suspect that would have been easier if she went to a different club. Come the eff on, woman. Across the club somewhere, Sitch cannot help but court the attention of several ladies, even though he's basically on a date -- albeit as low-rent of a date as I ever saw. Perhaps it's some sort of a test because when Sitch's bitch almost issues a beat-down on the other tricks for trying to take her mans, she seals her place in the CSR. For that night, at least. Sitch even brags to the house mates about her ballsy behavior. What's the Canadian guidette equivalent of chivalry?

Photo credit: MTV