'The Bachelorette': Tahiti, tender moments, tears and tough news
"The Bachelorette" brings oodles of Frank-Ali tears and a final two that we can all get behind, right? Right. But let's start at the beginning of the Tahiti episode.We're down to the final three and I think based on the previews we all know what is going to happen tonight -- so now it's just two hours of basically filler until we find out that Roberto and Chris are the final two. Am I the only who is annoyed that ABC totally showed their hand like 4 episodes ago? We don't ALL read internet spoilers, ABC!
Anyway, so before we even get to Tahiti there's a huge montage of how we got here. Bloop bloop bloop. Not a single new thing happens until 10 minutes in. Grrr.
Frank and his girlfriend Nicole
So Frank is in Chicago going to see his ex-girlfriend Nicole to see if there is still something there. He cries and gets all wishy-washy and she talks about him "completing" her and then she flat-out tells him to come home. According to our interview with Ali prior to this episode, Frank and Nicole are (she thinks) still together and she wishes them well, but she does think they broke up so he could come on the show and that it was a bit selfish on his part.
But before we can get to the big Ali-Frank-waterworks confrontation, it's Roberto's time.
Roberto's Date
Ali and Roberto go on a helicopter ride (snore, that is so overdone. Where's the dragon?) to a heart-shaped island where they swim in the ocean and make out. A lot. Ali talking-heads about how great it is to have someone who makes you feel taken care of and protected. Well, if that's what you wanted -- Kasey's probably still on that glacier...
That night they go to dinner and -- is Ali wearing a nightie? Roberto's in khakis and a button-down shirt and Ali is in like a teddy! Wow.
So anyway, at dinner Roberto just lays it all out there. He is falling in love with her and she smiles and kisses him. Awww, they're great together. Ali whips out the fantasy suite key and my boyfriend goes, "Alriiiight. It's the let's-get-busy key. I mean, they might as well put a card in there with it that says, 'Have fun knockin' the dust off it.'" Heeeee.
At some point going into the fantasy suite, Ali goes, "You're soaking wet." Roberto shows admirable restraint in not responding, "And you're next!" They start to strip down and (presumably) get busy.
Chris' Date
Ali and Chris head off on a enormous boat and talk family. It's kinda boring. Eventually they go swimming and it's fun and cute, but I can definitely see more of a romantic spark between her and Roberto. Also -- all those underwater shots kept making me think they were going to be eaten by a shark. Just me?
They eventually make it to dry land and start finding pearls in clams, which is admittedly very cool. So Chris can make Ali a pearl necklace and then later he can ... you know, nevermind.
For dinner, they wade out to a private island where they have a picnic. Aww, very romantic. Chris confesses that he can see himself with Ali and they make out some more. The nookie key comes out and they choose to use the fantasy suite. Chris talking-heads that his mom is looking down, smiling right now and I go, "I hope not right now because... ew." He then says he loves her and they make out again.
Frank's Shenanigans
So here we go -- probably the most melodramatic, ridiculous segment of the season, barring the Jake-Vienna interview. Frank kicks us off by saying, "I'm confident in the decision I made, but to hurt Ali and potentially break her heart is going to be one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. So I wanna talk to Chris Harrison."
SNORT! I want that on a t-shirt. "I wanna talk to Chris Harrison." Just as my go-to person for advice and a sympathetic ear. Chris Harrison is my man. Somebody make me a t-shirt with that printed on it and I'll let you write the next recap.
Anyway, so Frank pours his heart out to Chris. Color me skeptical. It sounds to me, based on what Ali said and what is happening on the show, that Frank and Nicole "broke up" so he could go on the show and then he was able to whip this out for drama's sake once he got this far. Blech. Ali even said that another contestant this season mentioned to her that Frank has talked about Nicole. Hmmm.
When Chris Harrison goes, "You have a date coming up in about an hour? What are you gonna do?" my boyfriend snarks from the kitchen, "I'm gonna hit it." Oh, how priceless would it have been if Frank went on the date, slept in the fantasy suite and THEN told Ali? He might actually go up in my estimation just for having the cajones to pull that sketchball crap.
But no. The plinky-plunky strains of heartbreak play while Frank looks mopey and cries and walks around all contemplatively. So Ali shows up and Frank says they need to talk. Ali told us that Frank was so morose, she thought like an actual tragedy had happened, like his mom had died or something.
Instead, Frank lays it all out there. Ali starts crying immediately but then she starts looking like she's trying to make herself cry harder, which loses points with me. In fact, the crying seems a little fake on both sides and there aren't enough fireworks for me, so booo. Ali throws her flip flops at one point. Lame.
We come back from commercial to the strains of Romantic Piano Classic that is advertised on VH1 late at night. Chris Harrison goes to talk to Ali -- say it with me, guys: "I wanna talk to Chris Harrison."
After Chris hugs her, Ali has a few more moments of histrionics. She thinks there's something wrong with her blahblah. I mean -- does she remember how she has these two seemingly awesome guys who are nuts about her?
Rose Ceremony
So Chris and Ali still do the pre-game chat, even though clearly Frank is gone and we know the final two guys. Ali thinks it's important to hear them accept their roses, as in accept her, and also that they hear about Frank from her. But first, of course, we have to have another commercial.
When the guys arrive, Ali wants to make sure they know they aren't getting roses by default and that she knows 100% that Frank is not the guy for her. Well, sure -- after he dumps you for Nicole, that's kind of a no-brainer.
Anyway, she gives out her roses to Chris and Roberto. She then tells them they are all heading to Bora Bora to meet her family. Exciting!
Next week: The Men Tell All reunion special. Oh boy.
Outtakes: Ali and Roberto slasher-movie murder an innocent coconut.
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Photo credit: ABC
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Do they have a stylist, or is Ali picking out her own clothes? She has beautiful outfits---even the teddy.
Oh yeah, I wanna talk to Chris Harrison. (And I thought Frank "What should I do" was gonna go on the date--but Chris was his Jimminey Cricket.)
The Kardashian sisters may very well be ******, but think about it, Rich ******* with Benefits, I ain't mad at them, go girls, apparently they have what attracts the sorry men these days.
That Frank/Nicole thing was so fake and set up. She was definately given a heads up and looks like it was staged at some rental hotel.
i do think it was staged but they acting was pretty good actually i almost believed it...and it proves love is blind cause that girl is not cute...ali and frank looked good together...i think she should pick no1 at this point
I am not sorry that Frank is gone. I feel sorry for Nicole even though I know very little about her. Frank is going to overthink everything and drive her crazy. It was hard to believe that she did not know something was up when Frank arrived at her door with a camera crew.
Ali needs to look on the bright side for a while. She did not have to send anyone home last night and she is left with two great guys.
I still think that Roberto's family would be a problem. I can just see the women talking in Spanish behind Ali's back. She would be much better off with Chris.
Note to Producers: If you want a better percentage of successful outcomes, you need to let the Bachelorette in on more of what happens when they are not in the room. They only see the behavior displayed on the few dates they get. They don't get to see the real nitty gritty until they date for a few months and then split up.
Roberto is so hot
I don't know. Ali seemed like a spoiled brat when she was doing all the crying, "Oh poor me, I gave up everything to be here." She's used that line before, and it's not like nobody else has given up anything to be there either. I actually thought Frank acted like a man and came to tell her. He was responsible enough to tell her, unlike Justin who bolted the instant he was uncovered. I think Justin is a much bigger jerk than Frank. Ali ought to have realized with how internal Frank is that he wasn't playing her. I really don't think he really knew what was going on himself until just before the Tahiti trip. And what would Ali have said if he had told her? Go make sure you don't have feelings for Nicole? Forget about her, stay here with me? What could she have said? This was something Frank had to do. I just wanted to say Grow up Ali. And she's about to do the exact same thing to either Chris or Roberto on the final episode. So thinking Frank was stringing her along is no different than what she's doing to either Chris or Roberto in the finale.
Chris is a great guy but i just don't see the romantic chemistry with him and Ali, it seems forced. Roberto looks about as interested in Ali as a lump of wood, or should i say a pile of $$cash? but Ali sure thinks he's "hot," she tells him that every date. but i don't think Roberto is into her. sorry Ali.
of course the Frank/Nicole meeting was staged. it was a hotel room for god's sake! but the plausible explanation is that Frank told the producers what he wanted to do and then the producers set it up. Nicole just knew that Frank was coming to meet her. of course, the whole thing could be completely fake too. but maybe it really was his gf and they were happy he was back now from his foray into Bachelorette hell! if Frank is really as he's been portrayed, he will drive any woman nuts. hopefully, he's really not so flaky (but i think he is).
as the above commenter tricotchick noted, Ali keeps saying "I gave up everything to be here." ugh. What exactly did she give up? She had no love. an apartment? who the hell cares. so what exactly? $$money? she got paid more $$ being on the Bachelorette. there is only her job, and she could probably get that back IF she really wanted to. but i think she's hoping to move onto bigger and better things anyway, using the show as a springboard. SHE GAVE UP NOTHING. so puh-lease. (anyway, it's probably just a line the show has giving her to say.)
finally, as Ali was walking toward Frank's bungalow, my boyfriend said it's like an unsuspecting little lamb headed for slaughter. but we all know the real truth, she was fully aware what was about to go down. ;)
lol, pearl necklaces?? andrea, you dirty little thing you...
I can't believe all the people talking as if any of this was real. Ugly guy with glasses decides 2 episodes from the end that he misses his ugly ex girlfriend. And you really think Ali is looking for love and not a show? When will this show end forever?