'The Hills': Stephanie Pratt would rather be with the tigers than Ryan Cabrera

ShePratt, Lo, and Audrina gather to set the itinerary for the following week. ShePratt is particularly excited because she has a second date with blind date Max, whom she describes as looking "like a prom king." Lo asks what's new with Audrina. Or should I say "what's old"? Audrina says she visited JB, claiming she wanted to see his new bike. The girls immediately see through her flimsy cover story. They waffle over whether she should tell Count Mop-ula about her affair of the heart. Lo cuts the bull and says either way Barry Mane-ilow will see it as a betrayal because JB obviously bothers him. Lo wonders if Audrina would consider going back to JB if he changed his obtuse ways. Audrina lets out a big, indecisive (and moronic) sigh. Credits.

Elsewhere, Kristin gives Brody the details on her meet-up with McKaela. They rehash the gory details about Allie Lutz's adventures in B&E, during which Brody makes her out to be Gollum, and it's pretty amazing. Kristin laughs at McKlueless's insistence that Brody was the one pushing the relationship. Which, of course he was, because he was trying to tap that. Doesn't mean it was for life, sweets. Kristin knows these things. Brody asks about her plans for that and invites her to join him at Le Deux.

Across town, McMockery meets up with Allie Lutz. Man, that girl is unattractive. It's amazing how you can put together all the pieces of what is fairly universally considered attractive (blonde hair, youth, style, makeup, etc.) and still come up with such a mess. I think it's her prune face. She just looks worn. Not quite Lohan worn-out, but about six months away. Allie maintains her blamelessness in the burgling and claims she has no idea why Kristin doesn't like her. McGroupThink is all, "But all the other girls said..." Allie says her beef with Kristin dates back to high school, citing Kristin's bad reputation and her lack of brains. Wow, pot-kettle much? McWastingMyDamnTime asks yet again where the housebreak story came from, as if Allie would give her a straight answer -- even at gunpoint. Allie spins a fairly mundane web around McPatsy, who laps up every word and gets ever more confused.

That night, Kristin and Bartender Stacie arrive at Le Deux to find a tiger wandering the front of the property (in a cage). Kristin wants to touch it. Sadly, the producers don't let her, and we will see no bloody limbs tonight, folks. They meet ShePratt inside, and Audrina and Prince Hairy arrive shortly after. Hot on their tails is JB, decked out in an old man sweater with a hoodie underneath? I won't even try to make sense of his fashions. His words, unfortunately for me, I must try to decipher.