'24': Everybody wants to rule the rods

The writers of "24" are determined to keep those nuclear rods under constant ownership change and purpose throughout the season. Their new intended purpose: to destroy the Big Apple.

Poor stupid, ignorant Josef. He thought he could swipe the nuclear rods from Daddy Sergei and present them gift-wrapped to Farhad. Even after Jack and Sergei make it personally known he could have full White House immunity, he gives himself up two minutes too late. It doesn't help his cause that he was having this conversation using his outdoor voice, where Farhad's men have a gun trained on him. They promptly take him out and drive the rods elsewhere. Lucky for CTU, Josef didn't quite end the call when he died, allowing for Farhad's voiceprint to be captured.

They later arrive at a staging area in a boat warehouse, where Farhad's flunkies decide they want to implement their own plan: Instead of shipping the rods internationally (now all but impossible), they'll convert them into a weapon and take out New York. While Farhad initially agrees to the plan (what radical wouldn't be swayed by the "Even a giant can be toppled by a single stone" quote), he tries to flee on a professor hunt. This prompts a call to CTU for help escaping.

Meanwhile, Renee still faces a whole heap of trouble, despite Jack's every attempt to help. The government (Chief of Staff Rob Weiss) is determined to have Renee take the fall for the whole mess, even sending in Kristen "Alyx Vance" Smith from Justice to re-interrogate her to the point of confession. Knowing his plan of self-defense won't hold, Jack boldly takes out the guard protecting Renee and tries to make a run for it, only to be detained himself. When confronted by Brian, he tries to appeal to his common-sense side. When that doesn't work, Jack simply agrees to leave ... which immediately raises the red flag. Even after dispatching the red-shirt team led by young Agent Owen, he chases down Jack to assist in capturing Farhad. Our man Bauer agrees, only if A) all charges are dropped against Renee and B) if Jack can have both feet in the operation. With this, Jack is back!

As for Dana ... sigh. She tracks Kevin and Nick to a secluded spot where they presumably take their new stripper friends and make love to them in their Chevy Van (and that's all right by me). On the other side of town, Arlo calls Cole once they locate her. Of course, he's mighty upset his woman is gone just as the action is heating up (so is Brian, but whatever). He tracks her down just before she can dispense her own brand of funked-up justice. Dana says it has to be done, that he just won't understand what she's going through ... except after he forces her into the truck and asks a few times, she comes completely clean about her convicted felon-loving past.

Lucky for her, Cole still cares for her to a certain extent and plans on dealing with Kevin himself. He makes his way to the van and dishes out some pretty heavy dialogue to the guys, allowing them to leave with the cash in exchange for permanently disappearing. While Kevin is most cool with that, mentally challenged Nick decides to throw down -- first by stabbing Kevin, then approaching Cole and Dana with a loaded weapon. Once Cole takes him out, they rush to Kevin's side ... where his fate is left hanging in the balance!