'Survivor: Samoa': It's not rocket science, John

Tonight on "Survivor: Samoa," John and his 10,000 teeth head for home.

Aiga
If you'll recall, John voted Laura out because he didn't want to take his chance with the rocks. He thinks he's in good shape because Russell said the next person would be a former Foa Foa. Um, I'm gonna go with ... that's a big, fat lie and you're in trouble, John.

Reward Challenge
The auction is here! I love the auction! Everyone is suitably excited (myself included). They each get $500, there is no sharing of money or food and the auction will end without warning. First item is a PB&J sandwich. Natalie buys it out of the gate for $200. The next item remains covered. It goes to Shambo for $240 and turns out to be... Jeff has to get the money before he'll tell her. He could teach "Melrose Place" ho Lauren a lesson: Always get the money up front.

Shambo's mystery item turns out to be sea noodles and slug guts with Parmesan cheese. Hey, it's still food. Next up is another mystery item and Dave goes $300 for it, but Monica wins for $340. It turns out to be... a whole roasted chicken. Dayum! That's a good one.

Next up is a significant advantage in the next immunity challenge. Jaison takes it with a $500 bid. He doesn't get to open it until the challenge. Next item is a burger and a beer, which Mick takes for $500 right off the bat. Hilarious.

Next up is a clue to the hidden Immunity Idol. John bids $200 for it. HAHA! Is the clue, "It's nestled between Russell's balls?" Snerk. The next item is a shower, which Natalie gets for $120. She then takes a shower on the spot while the boom-chicka-wow-wow porn music kicks up. Sigh.

A slice of apple pie goes to John for $300, but he is offered a whole pie to split between four people in exchange for his pie. He says, "I'm confident no one's going to vote me off because of a piece of apple pie." Hmmm. That ends the auction.

Back at camp, John looks for the Immunity Idol. I giggle. The tribe kills a chicken and Shambo gets all sad, but then takes over the cooking of said chicken and is quite a bitch about it to Dave. That night, Shambo has a dream they vote off Dave. When she tells Russell, he is ALL OVER that crap. He tells her it's like God talking to her. Again: Russell is my hero.

Immunity Challenge
Everybody gets a tall wooden plank that they must hold up by a rope. Every three minutes, they have to switch hands and move a knot lower on the rope (making the plank heavier). Last person standing wins.

Jaison's auction prize says, "At any point during today's immunity challenge, you may move your hand up two knots on the rope, giving you a significant advantage." Jeff Probst then repeats almost verbatim what the note said. Really earning that Emmy tonight, are you Probst?

After 9 minutes, everybody moves to the fourth position on the rope while Jaison uses his advantage and goes back to the second position. Interesting. Too early? Or a smart move before he gets tired? We shall see.

After 21 minutes, they are at the second-to-last position and no one has dropped out yet. But then Shambo does, first one out. Surprisingly, Russell is out second. He says he got a charlie horse in his forearm.  At 24 minutes, they move to the last position, which is no knot. Jaison is at the third-to-last position and will never have to move. This last move drops Monica, John and Brett right away. Other than Dave, they're down to only Foa Foa. Mick drops next, then Natalie. So it's Dave vs Jaison. Eventually, Dave slips and Jaison wins immunity! Awesome.

Tribal Council
Back at camp, Dave is totally gracious, congratulating both Jaison and Natalie on how they did. John comes to Russell about voting for a Foa Foa, but Russell thinks John is the biggest threat, plus Russell revealed he has the Idol and he knows that means John has to go. Heh heh.

Russell then wisely approaches Dave and says that it's going to be him tonight -- unless Dave votes for John with them. Man, he's sneaky and smart. He says he wants to see Dave stay in the game and Dave swallows that hook, line and sinker, thinking it's because he did so well at Immunity. Snerk.

Interestingly, when Mick approaches Jaison about getting rid of John, he totally sees what is happening with Shambo a step ahead. He knows she'll be mad and she'll feel like the Foa Foas are treating her the same way as Galu did and she'll flip back and next week is a 4-4 tie. Man, that's prescient of Jaison.

At Tribal, Shambo talks about how peaceful today was and Jeff takes her to task a little about being surprised people were scheming today. Erik blows him a kiss from the jury box. Heh heh. Jeff then asks Russell, Shambo and John if the person going home will be shocked to leave and then asks John, who says, "I think that of the two potential names, you've asked both of them questions and they both wouldn't be shocked." Oh, irony is sweet.

We see during voting that Shambo votes for Dave, John votes for Mick and Dave votes for John. The vote goes Mick, Dave, John (the ones we saw), John (John makes a sad panda face), John, John (John's jaw drops), and John is voted out.

Seriously, gang... this season RULES.

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Photo credit: CBS