'Bones': Booth's grandfather tells it like it is

We got a rare glimpse into the childhood of Seeley Booth tonight on "Bones," in an episode that's certain to move Booth and Brennan's relationship forward. It definitely ventured into fairly well-trodden "elderly person dispenses wisdom" territory, but Booth's grandfather was so awesome that I can't really complain.

The Case: Our murder this week was far from the main event, though it was a little wacky. A house-hunting couple checking out a recently widowed man's vacant house stumble upon a foot lying in a pile of ashes on the bed. And hmm ... seems preeeetty convenient that the Realtor had just called the master bedroom "to die for," almost as if she already knew what was inside. J'accuse! ... Eh? What's that? Just a cheesy crime show cliché? Never mind, then. (Just kidding, "Bones" writers. I love you!)

Booth and I both theorize spontaneous combustion, but the "wick effect" is the likely culprit. It involves body fat, an open flame, and a "slow-burning human candle." Disgusting, but plausible. Especially since victim No. 2, Hugo, is a 5' 5", 260-pound man. Victim No. 1, Meg, used to be similarly obese, but she'd lost 100 pounds in the past year by stealing her roommate's insurance for weight-loss surgery. She met Hugo at "Club Jiggle," a club for "feeder and eater fetishists," according to Sweets. Man, there's a club for everything these days.

The Realtor isn't at all bothered by the fact that there's been a murder ("I know it should. My therapist says I'm afraid to feel." -- i.e. she's clearly a murderous sociopath), and Booth and Brennan eventually come around to my side, deciding they don't like her. If only they'd heard the "to die for" line!

But no, our murderer is the unhappy homeowner, who came in to find Meg and Hugo, who was a prospective home buyer, doing it (and by "doing it," I mean both "having sex" and "eating cake," which isn't a euphemism) in his and his dead wife's bed. Sooo he beat them to death with weird-bordering-on-creepy finials carved to portray him and his wife. "Finial" is apparently a word for those round bedpost toppers. Learn something new every day!

The Good Stuff: Booth's grandfather, who raised him after his father left, is crashing with Booth for a while after punching a male nurse in his retirement community. Awesome? He immediately exclaims to Booth, "Wow, you weren't kidding!" when meeting Brennan, and then asks Sweets if he's a friend of Parker's, and if he got his MD in a Cracker Jack box. Like grandpa, like grandson!

Caring for Hank is a little tough on Booth since Hank sometimes gets lost, or forgets to take his blood thinners, or takes a job as a greeter at the discount store. He certainly has a fondness for Brennan, though, telling Booth that if he ever needs "a little privacy with the bone doctor," he'll make himself scarce.

Booth assures him that there's nothing going on between him and Brennan, and after Hank questions his heterosexuality he insists, "She's a keeper. You should listen to me. I warned you about Rebecca being a waste of time, didn't I?" Booth protests that he can take care of his own love life, but Hank isn't buying it. And thus begins a matchmaking effort worthy of Cupid himself. For example, with Brennan in the car, he turns to Booth: "She's got talent, charm, beauty, money. And you're just friends? I didn't raise you very well." They both look at him, and Brennan looks at Booth. It's funny, but they seem torn between amused, uncomfortable, and contemplative.

Later, though, Hank gets serious with Brennan, confessing what he hasn't been able to tell Booth. Rather than Booth's father leaving them, Hank actually kicked him out after he saw his son beating Booth when he was just a kid. And Booth's dad never came back, so Hank was left with the Booth boys. "I didn't know what else to do. He was beating my grandson. Look, when the time is right, you'll tell him. And if he needs it, you'll hold him, okay?" Brennan agrees. I'm really happy to get more back story on Booth. I know he's a closed-off character, but so is Brennan, and we've spent much more time on her history.

And Hank continues to invite Brennan over to dinner, not even really trying to be subtle. All's well and good until he sets the kitchen on fire, and Booth realizes that he'd need to take a leave of absence to take care of Hank. When Brennan questions his ability to afford that, Booth desperately says, "Pops will think I don't love him." Brennan is incredulous, and rightfully so since Hank says he's afraid of hurting Booth when he tells him that he needs to get back to the retirement community. Ah, the old "dump him before he dumps me" strategy. Classic.

Before heading into the community, he asks for a minute alone with Brennan.

Hank: "You remember what I told you."
Brennan: "I remember."
Hank: "He's big and strong, but he's gonna need someone. Everyone needs someone. Don't be scared."
Brennan: "Scared of what? I'm not scared of anything."
Hank: "It all goes by so fast, you don't want any regrets."
Brennan: "I don't understand."
Hank: "Yes, you do."

I'm glad to see someone calling Brennan out on that "I don't understand" thing, because she definitely uses it as a crutch sometimes. He also gives Booth a pep talk, pointing to his heart and telling him, "It's all in there, everything you need to know. You just do what it tells you." Hugging, goodbye-ing, sadness and sweetness. And after telling (reassuring?) each other Hank didn't really say anything, they turn to leave. And Booth cutely compliments Brennan's necklace. Or rather, "That thing around your neck." Ah, boys. Knowing the word "necklace" would emasculate you to the point of being a woman? Is that it?  

Odds and Ends:

•  Holy cow...that imagined Booth/Brennan childhood abuse conversation is going to spark a wildfire of fanfics.
• I thought it was adorable when Brennan put together that nicknames are a sign of affection, before admitting that "Bones" is the only nickname anyone's ever given her.
• Hank with the ladies at Club Jiggle = hilarious and awesome. I want some suspenders just so I can do that dance. I'm not even joking. Rainbow ones. I'm going shopping tomorrow.
• I, much like Cam, am happy to see Clark open up a little. I was beginning to think he was an android or something. (Wait, can androids express emotion? Should I be calling him a robot? It's been way too long since I've seen "Blade Runner.")

Quotes:

• Hank: "You've got a pair of steel ovaries." LOVE. IT. Let's make a pact, everyone. Use this expression at least once in the next week, and maybe it'll catch on!
• Brennan at Club Jiggle: "They look quite happy. Obviously they haven't seen their blood sugar levels."
• Booth: "I thought you didn't like to go by your gut." Brennan: "Well, I was just trying it out. It's...not satisfying."

How did you like Booth's grandfather, and his matchmaking attempts? Do you believe Brennan every time she says "I don't understand"? Are you going to start approaching anything labeled "to die for" with trepidation?  

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