'Glee': Mash-ups and uppers and homewreckers, oh my!

"Glee" can certainly bring the funny and the music, but tonight's episode proved it can also bring the drama. And my computer may be freezing every few minutes, and the 'S' key may suddenly only work 75% of the time, and ten firefighters may have broken down my apartment's security fence directly below my window to put out a potential electrical fire in our laundry room while I was writing this recap (yes, really), but by god, I love this show enough to soldier on!

Battle of the Sexes:

Will worries that the kids are getting too complacent now that they know they have an easy path through sectionals. His solution is a guys v. girls mash-up contest to get them in the competitive mood.  The guys rock an "It's My Life"/"Confessions Pt. 2" combo, but the girls (in my opinion) top them with an adorably costumed "Halo"/"Walking on Sunshine" number. The secret to their success? Pseudoephedrine, provided by the school nurse! (Yeah, we'll get to that in a sec.)

I was really hoping for an "I'm so excited! I'm so excited! I'm so...scared!" moment during the mash-ups, but they leave me disappointed. Oh, "Saved by the Bell." I miss you so much! I gotta say, Finn on uppers is amusingly cheery, but Rachel on uppers is mildly terrifying. Makes sense, I guess. She was already pretty far up there... I found their mutual cheater's remorse a little contrived, but I guess it was a good message for the kids, or something.

Battle of the women who are pretty much both in the wrong, but I like one of them way better anyway:

Sue, on a mission to destroy Will, tells Terri that he's involved - or about to be involved - with Emma, and suggests that Terri take the school nurse's job that coincidentally opened up when the old nurse fell down the stairs...after Sue tripped her. Terri, despite having zero medical training, gets the gig ("it's public school," after all) and gleefully tells Emma she'll be around All. The. Time.

You know, I find this plot interesting because no one's really right here, but no one's really wrong. It sucks for Sue to interfere and imply that more's going on than actually is, but she's not too far off base about Emma and Will. Terri's pretty ridiculous in becoming school nurse to keep tabs on Will, but she is in danger of losing him. And Emma is barely restraining herself from going after a married dad-to-be, but his marriage is unhappy and his wife isn't even really pregnant. And Will? Well, he's basically just a pawn on the chessboard at this point.

Ken Tanaka seeks Terri out to discuss the fact that their partners are probably in love with each other. "I see them together all the time. Laughing, talking...all the things she never does with me." So, so sad. Ken's solution is that he and Terri see each other on the side. You know, to even things out. Riiight. I'm feeling a little less sorry for him now, although it turns out that he and Emma aren't exactly intimate, since she doesn't like to be touched...by him. Terri's solution is the opposite of Ken's: she wants him to propose to Emma.

When Will tells Terri he wants his space, she reacts by pushing Ken into proposing to Emma right there in the breakroom. It's sweet, but yikes. When Will asks Emma what she's going to do, she asks him if he can think of any other options she might have. He wonders if that's a reason to marry someone, but she states the obvious: that's not what she's asking. And I'm honestly not sure if he knew that.

After Terri and Emma have a little conversation to "clear the air," Emma asks Ken what getting married would mean, since she'd want to keep her name, live in different parts of town, just see each other in school, avoid a wedding ceremony, or tell anyone about it. She agrees to a (secret) marriage so she doesn't have to spend the rest of her life alone. Um, that sounds pretty alone to me. She does tell Will, though, who is visibly shaken, but puts on a brave face. They share a long look, and go their respective ways. Noooo!

And because Terri - as nurse - was pushing uppers to the kids ("it's like a vitamin!"), she loses the job, and Will's trust. But Will also gets slammed for encouraging competition so much that the kids took uppers to win. And thus, he gets saddled with a Glee co-chair who has a record of responsibility and excellence: Sue. Dun dun duuuuuuun! Loving this development.

Odds and Ends:

• I loved seeing Rachel and Quinn bond over their outsider status. Way to rise above, Rachel.
• So Quinn is taking Terri up on her offer to take the baby? I can understand that, but how on earth is she going to pull off a switcheroo that massive? Also, seriously? Not paying for Quinn's doctor bills? It's not exactly the same as blackmail or baby-selling. Terri really isn't making herself any more sympathetic...
• Poor Finn! That's all I have to say on that subject.
• Sue's journal. Come. ON. Here's hoping it becomes a regular feature! 

Favorite Quotes:

• "You've got a little mustard in your cute Kirk Douglas chin dimple." -Emma
• "Without a championship, I'll lose my endorsements, and without those endorsements, I won't be able to buy my hovercraft." -Sue
• "Every time I try to destroy that clutch of scab-eating mouth-breathers it only comes back stronger, like some sexually ambiguous horror movie villain." -Sue
• "Mentally ill ginger pygmy with eyes like a bushbaby." -Sue's description of Emma
• "My mom says I'm stretched too thin, so I gave up homework, but that didn't help." -Finn
• "If there are two things America needs right now, it's sunshine and optimism. Also angels." -Rachel

 

Songs:

• "It's My Life"/"Confessions Pt. 2" -Bon Jovi/Usher, performed by the Glee Club guys
• "Halo"/"Walking on Sunshine" -Beyonce/Katrine & the Waves, performed by the Glee Club girls

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