'Glee': Bust a move, Sweet Caroline

Tonight on "Glee," there are no music mash-ups but there are some great real ones. Sue gets a date, Will and Sue swing dance. But the best? Puck and Rachel make out!

Your regularly scheduled recapper Liz had an apartment emergency tonight and I am so privileged to be stepping in for her. I love "Glee" so much you don't even know.

Finn & Quinn
The Hockey Jocks (HoJos) have waged war on Finn for joining the glee club and Quinn for being the pregnant "Queen of the Chastity Club." Even his own football players won't listen to Finn anymore. My boyfriend comments, "Just whup someone's ass." Yep. Kick one dude's butt and the rest will back down.

Ken & Emma & Will
Ken and Emma have decided to get married in Hawaii. For their first dance, Emma wants "I Could've Danced All Night" and Ken wants "The Thong Song." Oh dear. They ask Will to do a mash-up of the two songs and to give them dance lessons. When he dances all sexy for Emma to the "Thong Song" you can practically see the little cartoon hearts dancing around her head. Of course Ken sees, so what does he do? Schedules a football practice during glee club practice so that the guys who do both have to choose. Jerk.

Will confronts him about the conflicting practices but Ken gets to the real problem: that he is a consolation prize for Emma. Will tells him he doesn't have to worry about that anymore, but Ken still says the practice stays so the kids can decide who's first choice and who's a consolation prize. I guess pettiness doesn't end in high school.

The next day, Will goes wedding dress shopping with Emma (way to discourage her, Will) and of course she looks like a vision in white. My boyfriend goes, "Who does she look like? It's the hair and the gloves... 'Breakfast at Tiffany's.'" I'm going to say I like that he knows his Audrey Hepburn... and just leave it at that.

Will and Emma dance (to see if she can dance in the dress) as she sings "I Could've Danced All Night" and wow, she has a nice voice!  She's no Julie Andrews, but she'll do. It's a lovely scene but he tells her he has to go and fills her in on Ken's ultimatum.

Luckily (and somewhat unbelievably) the players choose glee over football. Except Finn. And  when he has to throw a slushee on Kurt, Kurt does it for him and tells him to stop and think if any football players would've done that for Finn.

Will talks some sense into Finn about seizing this opportunity to create who he is and stop letting others decide. So Finn tells Ken he doesn't want to have to choose and Ken cancels the Thursday practice. Meanwhile, Will goes to Emma about how he can't make their wedding mash-up work and they agree it's because those two songs don't go together.

Finn comes back to glee with apology slushees in tow and Quinn drops the bomb that she's been ditched from the Cheerios. Will assures her that they'll be there to clean slushee off her, then the  team douses him with slushee because he's never had one.

Rachel & Puck
Turns out Puck had a sex dream about Rachel, so when they're at her house rehearsing their mash-up they make out. AWESOME. But she stops because she says she can't be with a guy not man enough to do a solo (what she really means is a guy who isn't Finn). But it inspires Puck to perform "Sweet Caroline" in Glee. Quinn, Rachel and every girl watching swoons.

Of course, the HoJos don't like him in glee or parading around with Rachel so he gets splashed with slushee too. He tells Rachel he's choosing football over glee but he changes his mind. He and Rachel talk about how she likes Finn and he likes Quinn, so they won't work out. Awww. Darnit!

Sue & Rod
Sue gets asked out by an anchor from the news show where she does Sue's Corner. She is surprised but says yes and then tells Will she's in love after one date (of playing battleship, no less). Will teaches her to dance because Rod asked her to a dance-a-thon.

She shows up in a PIMPIN' zoot suit and catches Rod making out with his co-anchor (her name is Andrea, boooo). Sue is crushed. Awwww. But getting flung like that turns her right back into the bitch we all know and love.

Thoughts & Tidbits

• When is the storyline of a student being madly in love with Mr. Schuester? Because if my high school choir director looked like Matthew Morrison and had danced like that while rapping "Bust a Move," my panties would've burst into flames.
  
  
• Mr. Schu asking Finn if he wanted to "have" a catch made me want to tear my hair out. We don't say "have a catch" in the Midwest. We say "play catch." It's the one and only quibble I have with "Field of Dreams" and it still bugs me.
  
  
• I'm so glad this episode was Terri-free. I like Jessalyn Gilsig but that character drives me outhouse-rat crazy.
  
  
• There are always so many good quotes from "Glee" that my whole recap could just be a transcript. But tonight's award goes to Ken Tanaka for:
  
  
• Ken: It's the Emster here you really have to work with. I had a monster case of athlete's foot a couple years back and got all my toenails removed so if she steps on my feet during the dance I might pass out.
  
  
• Ken: Football is war and no one single man can win that war, not even if they strap nukes on him.
  
  
• Tonight's music: Bust a Move by Young MC, The Thong Song by Sisqo, What a Girl Wants by Xtina, Sing Sing Sing with a Swing by Benny Goodman, Sweet Caroline by Neil Diamond and I Could've Danced all Night by Lerner & Loewe.