'Desperate Housewives': Susan tries to squash Danny with a car

October 11, 2009 9:29 PM

Tonight on "Desperate Housewives," Susan usurps Katherine as Craziest Woman on Wisteria Lane.

Gabby and Her Lovers
I really found the MAVO (Mary-Alice Voiceover) about how housewives don't try to be beautiful because there's no point to be ridiculous and obnoxious. First of all, what's wrong with going to the "market" in sweatpants and a t-shirt? Nothing, that's what. Secondly, housewives can be beautiful and they don't need to be made-up to the teeth to be that way. Thirdly, using Eva Longoria as your example of "not beautiful" is insane.

What I did like, though, was Carlos and John's territory marking. I also enjoy the way Ana and John check each other out. So when Ana applies for a hostessing job at John's restaurant, Carlos is gung-ho because he knows it'll make Gabby jealous. And when it does, he says she's failed the test.

So she shows up at his important client meeting dressed like a dowdy housewife because it's John's restaurant and she wouldn't want Carlos to think she was getting pretty for John. She then reminds him how much she has stood by him through and that he doesn't need to test her and they make up. I LOVE CARLOS AND GABBY.

Unfortunately, at the end of the episode Gabby goes and RUINS it by gazing longingly at a photobooth strip of her and John. Sigh.

Susan and Her Crazy
She's back to her obnoxious ways, being a bitch to neighbor Bob (Danny's lawyer) and then having a very public confrontation with Angie. I mean, I think Angie's totally shady too but Susan is being ridiculous.

Her ridiculousness continues as she STAKES OUT the Bolen house looking for evidence. Oh, this is the Susan Mayer we've known and grown infinitely tired of. Lynette talks some sense into Susan by reminding how Porter was accused of setting a fire and people were SO SURE he did it but he was innocent all along.

Of course, the sense only lasts so long because she goes to confront Danny while he's working on a car in the driveway. She spills that Julie thought she was pregnant and Danny seems genuinely surprised. Susan the Psycho then lowers the car on top of Danny. Angie comes running out with a baseball bat and chases Susan away. I hope they press charges on that raving lunatic.

Predictably, there is some liquor store footage of Danny that clears him of the attack. Well done, Crazy Susan. She does go help Angie clean up their trashed house. Doesn't quite make up for assaulting Angie's son with a CAR, though.

Bree and Her Jealousy
Karl is falling for Bree and Bree is keeping her distance, which causes her to act a huge fool at a country club event where Karl brings a spicy young thing as his date. Candice also happens to be a former patient of Dr. Hodge so he invites Karl & Candice to sit at their table. Awk-ward.

Bree: So Candice, what do you do for a living?
Candice: I'm a dancer.
Bree: Oh, what kind? Jazz? Ballet? Lap?
Karl: Actually, Candice was a Rockette.
Bree: Oh! It must've been exhausting spending so much time with your legs in the air!

Bree manages to thwart Karl and Candice's nookie plans by spilling oil on the dance floor so Candice falls and breaks her nose. Oh Bree, jealousy looks marvelous on you. Later at home, Orson mistakes Bree's jealousy of Candice as jealousy of HIM dancing with Candice. He says she obviously still cares for him, which drives her right into Karl's arms for a romantic getaway.

Lynette and Her Lies
She and Tom tell the kids about being pregnant and I love their reactions:

Porter: You two are so irresponsible. You should've been using birth control. You're in college. Do you know what the odds are now that you'll graduate? Like zero. And you. You have a new job, one you'll have to quit once the baby comes. So I hope you're both happy. You've just destroyed your futures for a few minutes of pleasure.
Parker: Not to mention it's so gross you're still doing it.
Penny: If they're boys, I'm outta here.

Meanwhile, Lynette is offered new Senior VP for Carlos at work and the only reason he didn't offer it to Judy is because he found out Judy's pregnant. Wah wah. So Lynette and Tom go to dinner with Carlos and decide they'll just keep the pregnancy a secret until she proves she can do the job.

Unfortunately, the client makes wine and forces some on Lynette. Tom keeps swiping hers and subsequently gets drunk. Wah wah.

Angie and Her Weapons
The Bolens are the town lepers because of Danny's run-in with the law and Nick suggests they change their names again, but Angie says no. She also has to defend Danny from Susan's lunacy with a baseball bat and then tells Danny that they keep a loaded Smith & Wesson in the house if he ever needs it.

When their house is trashed and graffitied, Susan goes to help clean up. Awwww.

Katherine and Her Absence
Apparently the men with the butterfly nets finally came for Katherine because she's MIA this episode.

Thoughts & Tidbits

Carlos: It's not that I haven't forgiven you, it's just that every time I see you I want to put my fist in your face.
Speaking of Carlos, his impression of Gabby was hilarious. "Reeeeally? You're divorrrrced?"
Tom: Remember the last time you were pregnant with twins? Every part of you swelled up, it was like sleeping next to a body dragged out of the river.
Tom: Oh look! One of the Pointer Sisters!

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| Comments (14)

14 Comments

Unfortunately, Susan didn't succeed in her squashing endeavor. And even if she had, it wouldn't necessarily have eliminated the rest of the new neighbors, who've already worn out their welcome in my book.

Major Tom | October 12, 2009 12:04 AM

I loved the episode.

jef | October 12, 2009 4:06 AM

another good episode of Desperate Housewives. Susan is crazy trying to kill Danny and Lynette is right her son was accused of a crime and she went crazy trying to prove he did not do it. Susan needs to stop and think. I want Bree back with Orson, NOW!!!!!!! Gabby no!!!!!!!!!!! do not fall in love with John again, even though he is legal and looking better than ever. Lynette, I love when Lynette is employed she so much fun and alot less crazy. I can't wait when she has to explain to Carlos why her belly is getting so big. I hope Lynette can keep the promotion she is so much fun as a Working wife than she is a housewife.

Favorite scene: of course when Lynette reveals to her kids she is pregnant and this is what Porter had to say:

You two are so irresponsible. You should've been using birth control. You're in college. Do you know what the odds are now that you'll graduate? Like zero. And you. You have a new job, one you'll have to quit once the baby comes. So I hope you're both happy. You've just destroyed your futures for a few minutes of pleasure.

Lovett U. | October 12, 2009 4:26 AM

Especially considering there was very little in the way of intertwining between all of the ladies, I gotta say this was an absolutely superb episode of Housewives...probably one of the best-written and most enjoyable ones since season 4, in my opinion.

Anthony | October 12, 2009 6:49 AM

Reguarding the very first paragraph of this synopsis: It is NOT ok to go to the supermarket, or anywhere else for that matter except the gym, in your sweatpants. Thanks for contributing to the slobilization of America. People in this country are horrible dressers. Slobs. Pigs. It's embarassing. In Brazil, ladies go to the market in dresses and heels. America should take notice.

JettaJameson | October 12, 2009 7:01 AM

I'm not sure Gabby was "gazing longingly" at the photostrip.

The voiceover said, "saying good-bye to past loves" or something that led me to believe she was just looking back and remembering rather than wanting to go there again.

Maybe I just want to give Gabby the benefit of the doubt. She's grown a bit with taking on Ana and she DID stay with Carlos through a lot.

alia | October 12, 2009 7:11 AM

I think Susan's reaction was understandable. Her daughter is attacked and left for dead. A neighbor reports that Julie and Danny had been seen fighting. Susan finds out Julie thought she might have been pregnant. Danny talks Gabby's neice into lieing so he has an alibi. HELLO!!! Even someone that is not going through the turmoil of their only daughter being in a coma might come to the same conclusion. I get that Susan was boiling with anger and all her anger had to go somewhere. I think it's a realistic depection. A mother's reaction to a horrible situation with her child. And if Susan was really crazy she wouldn't have gone to help the new HW on the block clean up the mess. I like Susan and I like where this story plot it going. I say it's Danny's father or Katherine that attacked Julie. If it's Katherine it'll make for a good departure from the show for her.

The Lynette/Carlos job story line is lame. It didn't take Carlos the family man long to revert back to a corp scum ball now did it. And hello!! he offered her the job and then told her it was because the other chic was prego's...she's got him over a barrell now. She can keep the promo and ask for a 100% salary increase.

DMSTX | October 12, 2009 7:34 AM

I liked this episode; a lot of stuff worked to make it enjoyable. Even though we're recycling some old stories a bit.

I caught an old episode of DH in syndication and it reminded me that I really used to like Orson and Bree when they were together and happy. It's definitely fun seeing Bree bitchy and jealous, but I do NOT like her with Karl. I still don't feel that cheating is something she'd do - even if she were no longer in love with her husband.

Whoever said John looked better than ever, was definitely speaking truth - hot... But I really hope they don't do this again. The show always trots out John every year or so and we have the same 'there's still feelings'/temptation plot.
If Gabby has really grown, she should tell John, once and for all, this is done or else leave her family for John to see if could actually work (which might be an interesting - but ultimately tragic - story to follow).

Ok, I'm not a woman, but the opening narration didn't bother me. I felt that specifially they used Gabby and John as an example, but I felt that the MAVO was talking about needing a reason to still care about how you appeared (to others)... and how it can make you feel special to find that thing again. Of course, I'd advocate that you find it internally, but anyway...

Finally, I do agree with Andrea, Angie should have pressed charges against Susan. Assaulting a MINOR is out of the question.
And didn't Mike go to jail for something he didn't really do? He should have put up more fight with Susan about needing proof that Danny was guilty.

Varris | October 12, 2009 10:22 AM

The new neighbors are going to turn out to be in a witness program - anyone else thought of this ??

geraldocat | October 12, 2009 12:54 PM

geraldocat, I was just about to post the same thing, but you beat me by ten minutes!

It does seem to be the perfect bit of misdirection: They could actually be the good guys, have secrets, need weapons, etc. It also will provide an easy way to write them out of the script when the time comes.

Perhaps they were in the mob and turned on it. So, they could really be pretty scummy instead. That would also be a nice Drea/Sopranos spin.

Frank | October 12, 2009 1:10 PM