'The Bachelorette': ED stands for...

Tonight on "The Bachelorette," we join the Final Three Bachelors with Jillian in Hawaii.

The intro before we jump into the dates shows Jillian on the beach drawing a heart and then inside she draws J + ?. Oh, gag me.

Kiptyn's Date
J and K take off into the fields in the love child of a Jeep and a golf cart. Their date appears to involve a ropes course where Hawaiian businesses take their employees for "trust exercises." Romantic. They get harnassed in and then have to cross a plank bridge and all this crazy stuff. They laugh a lot and it actually looks like a lot of fun. The final challenge is called the "Leap of Faith," where you climb a telephone-pole-like-structure and leap for a trapeze. Yikes. I don't know if I could do it, even with all the harnesses.

When they jump, Kiptyn grabs his harness and Jillian misses hers by a mile, but kudos to her for jumping in the first place. They then get to ride a zip line off the ropes course. Wheeee! That night at dinner, Jillian asks Kiptyn about his flaws and he says he is impatient with bumps in the road and that he hasn't jumped in with both feet in his past relationships.

She is obviously leery of those flaws but he reassures her that if he was questioning what was happening with them that he would be honest with her. She then whips out the second Fantasy Suite invitation and after some pontificating so that the show can be two hours long, they decide to go to the Fantasy Suite.

The Hawaiian Fantasy Suite is much nicer than the Spanish one. It thankfully does not look like a bottle of Pepto Bismol exploded. Kiptyn and Jillian make out on the bed, then he closes the doors and we are to assume they had wild monkey sex, I guess.

Reid's Date
Jillian is still harping on Reid's feelings and communication, which is fair, but also... stop nagging. He is being really light and fluffy about stuff, but it will only make it worse if you nag him. He has to get there on his own or it doesn't mean anything!

For their date, a helicopter arrives and flies them over the countryside, the ocean and a volcano. Now that is a date. Ropes course, schmopes course. The pilot jokes that he's the only ordained pilot in the state and could marry them right then and there. Jillian then says, "Let's get this sh*t done." Heee. Reid rolls with the joke and doesn't actually crap himself, so that's good.

They are dropped off for a picnic on the beach and Jillian asks Reid just *how* freaked he was when she talked about getting married on the helicopter. He chokes a little on his champagne and spits out, "No" and it really sounds like what he means is, "Yes, maybe." He then talks about how fast this whole thing is moving (yes, these shows are filmed in like 6 weeks) and how he's jealous of the other guys involved.

That night at dinner, Jillian is very adamant that Reid tell her how he is feeling. Because she's kind of a crazy shrew sometimes. I mean, if this guy didn't like you why would he still be here? He's not there to promote his crappy garage country band.

The questions turn to where they would live and Jillian says she'd come to Philly. She then basically asks him if he'd be ready to propose at the end of the show and he is uncomfortable, but says, "Maybe..." and kind-of trails off. After some laughter, he does say that he is ready but then trails off again. Apparently that's good enough for Jillian because she invites him to the Fantasy Suite. She says she can see it in Reid's eyes that the feelings are there, but then Reid talking-heads that he wants to tell her he loves her, so wow.

At the Fantasy Suite, Reid dances around "the L word" ("love," not the lesbian show) and it seems to go okay, though Jillian's hesitance is palpable. Though no sooner do I type that that she has hopped (apparently naked) into the tub with Reid, soooooo. Not an issue, I guess. Bubbles! And smoochies! And nudity!

Ed's Date
Ed and Jillian get to go sailing on this big fancy boat and they don't even have to help sail or anything. Nice. They basically just get to lay in the sun and talk and make out. The boat parks and they get to swim as some total Blue-Lagoon-porn-music kicks up. After the swim, Ed surprises Jillian back on the mainland with his parents. In Hawaii. This show is so dramatic! He also says, "I have flown them out here," like they came on his dime. [*derisive snort*]

Ed takes Jillian to meet Judy and Rick. They seem nice and friendly to her face, but when Jillian goes one-on-one with Mama, Papa is like, "What the hell are we doing here?" Ed seems to win him over, though. Ed tells his dad that he would get engaged to her if she picks him. Awww.

Rick gets his turn with Jillian and is ultimately supportive and tells her that he's never seen Ed put his heart on his sleeve the way he is doing with her. His dad starts to get choked up and says that he hopes things work out.

After the parents, Jillian and Ed head to the Fantasy Suite and that's where the date goes horribly, horribly wrong. They go to the suite and everything is all roses until the sexy time starts. Jillian comes to the bed in this little white cover-up thing and she starts rubbing Ed down and almost flashes her left boob at us several times.

As things heat up, it is heavily implied that Ed can't get it up. (Now, later Jillian says they were both "tired," but I do not think so.) Jillian talking-heads that he was sunburned and tired and nervous but that it was disappointing for the passion not to be there. He's embarrassed, she's disappointed and I'm kind-of snickering. Because I am 12.

Rose Ceremony
Jillian arrives to dish with Chris, who got to make the trip to Hawaii after being conspicuously absent from Spain. They discuss all the boys in turn, but nothing earth-shattering is said because that would spoil the suspense.

Before the Rose Ceremony, Jillian has taped video messages from each guy. Kiptyn basically says to her that if she's interested, "let's do this! Let's light the world on fire." What a great thing to say! Reid comes clean about his evading of the deep questions and confesses that he's scared of how strong his feelings are for her. Ed, who shows up to the Rose Ceremony dressed like Colonel Sanders and an Easter egg had a kid, tells her that they found a way to get through their bumps in the road and that he's ready to take their relationship to the next level. He then says he would love an opportunity to propose to her and then finishes with, "I love you." Jillian and I both go, "Whoa" and heave a big breath. Wow, ballsy.

I actually do not have a clue who is going home tonight, guys! I like them all! Before I watch, though, I'll say that Reid goes home tonight. The only one I'm 99% sure is safe is Kiptyn. That's my prediction.

When Jillian heads down to the guys, she confesses to falling for all of them and then asks Ed if she can speak with him privately. In their private conversation, she expresses concerns about the physical connection that is lacking. Seriously. That's really important. Ed says that it's been so much pressure and that she needs to just trust him. He then says he is absolutely crazy about her and they go back to the group.

The first rose goes to... Kiptyn. I figured he was safe. Ed and Reid are more wild card-y, for two very different reasons. The second rose goes to... Ed. Yeah, I figured. Reid really needed to grow a pair and just tell her how he was feeling. I think if he had, he'd still be there.

They go off to say good bye and she says it was hard to take a chance on Reid if she didn't know for sure that he was in it 100%. Reid is obviously regretting his hesitancy now and they hug and say good bye. Jillian goes back to the bench they were on and cries. Ed comes to comfort her and thanks her for keeping him around.

In the limo, Reid regrets not opening up to Jillian and is also surprised that he's going home. He also says that he was definitely falling in love with her and that he doesn't think she even knows that and that it's all his fault. Well, yes. She gave you ample opportunity.

What do you guys think? Did she choose the right Final Two? Next week is the "Men Tell All," which I am actually looking forward to for once because I want to see Wes get raked over the coals so hard that he bleeds. Maybe Jake will just punch him. That'd be awesome.

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