'Big Brother 11' Premiere: High School revival

Did any of you manage to remain spoiler free before the premiere of 'Big Brother 11'?

I did, despite how some of the loyal readers here tried to message me info on facebook. Sneaky informants! Yet, upon review, none of you warned me about the robotic joy of our lives, Julie Chen's amazing, off the shoulder sack-dress. What in the world is growing out of her thigh? Are those upgrades? And when is mini-bot due, anyway? You would think a pregnant automaton could be programmed with good taste, but here she is, dressed per her usual and making jokes about teenage pregnancy. Oh Julie, I've missed you!

The house decor appears to be themed loosely around the idea of the high school cliques the show is based on this season. Well, that and cheapness, as one hallway looks "finished" in plywood. It's a rough economy, folks.

Our first look at the new houseguests (HGs) is as informative as ever, so it's pretty easy to tell who will be in what clique. Blondie Jordan, busty Laura and surfer boy Braden are the Popular crowd. Olympian Natalie, footballer Jeff and mixed martial arts fighter Russell are the Athletes. Neuroscientist Michelle, national debate champ and gamer Ronnie and freelance journalist Chima are the Brains. Though, Chima goes out of her way to disdainfully inform everyone that she was also popular in high school and not a "dork". Way to make friends and influence people, Chima! Finally there is the Offbeat clique, made up of graphic designer Kevin (gay), special effects make up artist Lydia (bi) and 5th grade teacher and DJ Casey (40). What are you trying to tell us with this last group, 'Big Brother' producers?

The last group let loose in the house clearly gets screwed room wise, as Michelle, Lydia, Jeff and Jordan end up in a room themed to look like a pool that's been drained of water with inflatable rafts for beds. And only 3 for the 4 of them. Again, cost cutting. Michelle admits that if she weren't married, she'd hop into hottie Jeff's bed - which is a bold move for a brain. But she doesn't want anyone to know how big her brain is, so she just tells people she's a research assistant who takes care of rats instead of admitting to a PhD. in neuroscience.

She's not the only liar, but at least hers is feasible. Natalie attempts to convince everyone that she's only 18 and keeps her olympic bronze medal in tae kwon do to herself. Kevin quickly becomes my favorite HG when he calls shenanigans on her age, stating she looks more like 25. He also asks Laura what's the deal with her enormous breasts, but she just giggles and says nothing.

We get right into competition, but it's not for HOH. Rather, it's for which clique will get a fourth member. This equates to more pull in the house as the clique of the HOH is safe from nomination. Michael, the cowboy from season 5 could join the offbeats, "Boo yah!" Jessica from season 8 may join the poplar clique, Jessie - the annoying body from season 10 would be an athlete and Brian from season 10 could join the brains. Which goes to show the caliber of intellect they've had in the past, as the closest thing to 'brainy' was a guy who was voted out in week one for being a moron.

The competition is all about the dreaded wedgie. The HGs are strung up in giant tightie whities and told to hang on to a toilet seat. The brains drop fast and then the potential new members are given the power to give certain groups super wedgies. The offbeats start dropping pretty quickly and it's soon a race between the populars and the athletes. But is anyone surprised when the athletes take it? What is surprising is Natalie's mouthiness. For someone bragging about her poker playing abilities, she isn't playing real close to the vest thus far.

The athlete win means we have to endure another season of Jessie, who denies that his over inflated ego was his undoing last time around and then says in the same breath that he's bigger and better than ever. How do you feel about more Jessie? What about the high school concept in general? This will all end in tears, I just know it...

Here's some funny for you:

Braden - "Surfing is better than sex!" (Then you're doing it wrong).
Laura - "9 out of 10 girls hate me because of how I look" (The rest of us just find your personality insufferable).
Kevin - "I speak geekinese!" (I love you).

Discuss this episode and read a whole lot more over at Zap 2 Big Brother and don't forget to visit the Big Brother Forum!

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