'Big Brother 11' Chima is a crybaby

 Last Thursday, 'Big Brother 11' brought us back to high school and brought Jessie back into our lives. Why do they hate us?

Jessie enters the house and the only people happy to see him are the Athletes. Kevin bemoans having to live with a "meathead" and Lydia decides she'll have to try and find common ground with him. Jessie, on the other hand, sings his own praises. Or attempts to as he strips off his shirt, walks like an Egyptian and hoots like a monkey. Despite all the chatter, Ronnie is the only one who really makes a move by meeting with Jessie and proposing an alliance. When Jessie agrees it would be unexpected, Ronnie attempts a metaphor by suggesting that the alliance is like the evil galactic empire and rebel alliance teaming up to take out the ewoks. Or something like that.

We get our first look at the HOH room, and it's easy to see that's where they put all the set money. It's quite plush. And it inspires Jessie to out-metaphor Ronnie by saying that being the first HOH is like kissing your best friend's girlfriend: it's exciting and good while it lasts, but can have repercussions that are not in your favor. His correct use of the word "repercussions" makes me believe he's quoting what someone else said to him.

Ronnie, Michele, Jordan and Lydia talk about their high school experiences and goodness gracious they were all so different! It's shocking! Except, not even a little. Jordan is horrified that people were mean, but I am not sure I buy it. Ronnie expresses his belief that BB has offered them an amazing opportunity to show that people shouldn't be judged by their exterior. That is some amazing wide-eyed optimism right there, folks.

Which is juxtaposed with the deal he strikes with Jessie, managing to create and alliance and offer one of his team mates up as a pawn. Like Michele, who is not even in the room. Shrewd! Russell is the only other person clearly playing the game, as he meets with Jessie and suggests Lydia for nomination while noting that everyone will be kissing Jessie's ass. Which is clearly true as Laura contrives a "game" in which people are to reveal which HG they find most attractive and reveals her crush to be Jessie. Jessie actually rolls his eyes in response.

Natalie may not actually be 18, but she sure acts like an annoying teenager, as she complains that she should be able to "reverse" her move in chess after she's put in check by Jessie and then refusing to shake his hand after she loses. And refusing to admit that she lost. Instead, she tosses back "I'm a loser? Who lost last season?" Which is pretty funny, actually.

The Food Competition is not the food competition. This seasons, it's the Have and Have Nots (H/HN) because the losers will suffer more than slop. The game itself seems tailored to the Brains, with each team (except the Athletes) having to put together a complicated collection of pipes to direct a flow of liquid onto a paddle wheel. The brains strategize that they need to create the most linear path possible - and then do the exact opposite of that. Braden, of the Populars, suggests it's just like Linkin' Logs...and physics. And the Offbeats just jump to action.

The Brains lose and find out that they will no only be eating slop, they will also endure cold showers and a new room. A room that contains not so much what you might call "beds" but rather, pads on metal with a single blanket. Chima sees this and immediately threatens to quit, saying that it's the exact same conditions one sees in "an insane asylum". I have to disagree. It's more like boot camp.

When Nomination time arrives, Russell is confident that he's acting as a puppet master. Which seems like a bold belief this early in the game. Lydia feels certain that after giving Jessie a massage she's safe and Braden has clearly read The Secret as he waxes rhapsodic about putting out an energy of belief in things to work out in his favor and the universe listening  and responding to that in the right way. In other words, he babbles nonsensically. But I am sure his belief is solidified when it's Chima and Lydia who are put up. Chima is relaxed in the belief that she's a pawn, while Lydia cries over how it's not fair. This is supposed to be a fair show?

What do you think of the H/HN competition? What do you think of the Brains' new living quarters? Who is annoying you the most right now? And how long until Laura's spine collapses under the weight of her implants?

And, to wrap up, here's some funny!

Ronnie, with his faux-faux hawk and "Dork" shirt. (I just want to give him a hug).

Jessie - I wanna be a WWE SUPERSTAR!
Lydia- ....Um...yeah...hey, I like that. (She has no clue what WWE is).

Jordan - Casey is saying all this stuff like '90 degree' and '180 degree' and I'm just like...speak english! (Please tell me she doesn't have a driver's license).

Michele - Go cry in the corner you big crybaby! (Sing it, sistah!)

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