ZapCap: 'I Survived a Japanese Game Show' showcases green tigers, red robots, and oily sumo wrestlers...oh my!

The title "I Survived a Japanese Game Show" applies equally to the contestants as well as we, the home viewing audience. If you can get the image of a nearly naked Judge Bob out of your head before settling down to sleep, you're a better person than me. But I'll do my best to shake off that ghastly image and break down tonight's action between the Green Tigers and the Red Robots.

First Game: "Party In My Pants"

The gist? The team gets into a giant pair of pants, tethered on each side by an elastic band. Eight tennis ball machines fire Federer's favorite spheres into the playing area, and the players have to use plastic pinchers to put said balls into their pants. Look, I'm just telling you what's happening. I swear. I'm not any happier about that description than you are.

The outcome? The Green Tigers look confused, with balls flying towards their face at an alarming rate. The Red Robots seem more composed, as if they're used to this type of situation. But the Green Tigers manage to edge out the Red Robots, 104-102. Since this annoys Red Robot Seth, this pleases me.

Choice quote? The ABC announcer: "Now, the Green Tigers have three minutes to stuff their pants for victory!"

No rest for the wicked, as we don't wait 24 hours between games, but instead go back-to-back. It's like a triathlon, but with enormous pants and much less self-respect. They all dress up like ballerinas, and pirouette out for the next game. Judge Bob struts out in a golf outfit, claiming it's his "birthday suit." As I feel the life force eke from my body, host Rome Kanda strips Judge Bob down to his skivvies, which leads into the next game.

Second Game: "Somebody Put Clothes on Bob!"

The gist? Each team slides down a conveyer belt and must find five pieces of clothing in a flour-filled sandbox. Again with the flour! Does Japan have an overabundance of flour? Shouldn't they be feeding the world's poor with it? In any case, the players have to sift through the flour, find the five pieces of clothing buried within, and then dress a nude mannequin version of Bob. Ah, reminds me of college. The Green Tigers get a 5-second headstart for having won the first game.

The outcome? Flour and Americans start flying in every direction, but The Green Tigers pull out another victory, 5-3. This is turning into a slaughter. I'd analyze what gives The Green Tigers an advantage in this competition, but I'm not sure what metrics I should look at to determine one's ability to dress a dummy while running on a flour-covered treadmill.

Choice quote? Game show director: "So graceful...so ridiculous."

For winning the challenge, The Green Tigers get to throw out the first pitch at the Tokyo Dome. The Red Robots get to work collecting golf balls in the world's largest driving range. The former looks like a lot of fun; the latter looks like a deleted scene from "The Shawshank Redemption." When it comes time to select two for elimination, Yari and Dan get selected, as the only two to fall during "Please Get Bob Some Clothes Before I Blind Myself!"

Elimination Game: "Lotion, Lotion, What's the Commotion?"

The gist? In a scene directly pulled from the darkest place of the human id, several oiled sumo wrestlers emerge from the tunnel. They are part of an elaborate obstacle course in which the contestants are dipped in lotion, not unlike Buffalo Bob's victims from "The Silence of the Lambs," and sent slipping on their merry way. After the contestants put the lotion in the basket, they navigate their way through several stages, including the aforementioned wrestlers lying prone halfway through. Excuse me while I go pull an Oedipus and blind myself.

The outcome? Dan counters his height by keeping a low center of gravity and taking a "slow and steady" approach, yet still finishes the course roughly twice as fast as Yari.

With Yari gone, will the Green Tigers continue their relentless march towards victory? Or will the Red Robots finally channel their inner Styx and start winning some games?

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