'True Blood': Happy Father's Day! Can I kill you now?

This week on "True Blood" we learn that vampires celebrate Father's Day a little differently than us mortals. All you dads out there, let's just hope you listened to John Mayer and were good to your daughters, otherwise...well, the night might not end exactly as you planned.

Celebrating the people who gave them life this week is Jessica, who sees her parents on TV announcing her as a missing person and pleading for her to come home. Jessica convinces Sookie to take her to see them, if only from a distance, and of course we all know this won't end well. Sure enough, Jessica barges into the house and eventually bares her fangs to her obviously abusive father. Sookie, how could you take her there! Girl, sometimes you are just too stupid to live. Just before Jessica kills her father, however, Bill shows up, glamours his way inside, and...the show cuts to black. Will Bill kill Jessica's family or let them go? I guess we'll find out next week!

Lafayette is still being interrogated by Eric (while Pam fixes his hair, by the way, which - ha!) and fully cooperates, telling them all about Jason Stackhouse's vampire killing adventures. Eric decides Sookie is too valuable to alienate, so they have Lafayette hook them up with a V dealer in Dallas instead. This Dallas connection looks to start up a whole new tangent this season, and it should be interesting to see vamps from other parts of the south. When Lafayette gets put back in the hole, he remembers his dismembered friend had an artificial hip and straight up digs around in his leg, removes the device and uses it to break out of his chains. Disgusting! And wonderful. When he tries to escape he runs into Eric's strung out fangbanger groupie from last year, who shoots him in the leg and proceeds to scream her head off. Hee. Just before Pam and Eric kill him, Lafayette begs for them to turn him instead. The last thing we see is them descending on him to feed...will they turn him or just use him as a tasty snack?

Jason is still mired in the most tedious subplot of the year, this time on the bus to salvation (a.k.a. the Light of Day Institute). He meets new "friend" Ken McDonald (no relation to the restaurant or the farm, in case you were wondering) and they strike up an immediate rivalry, with Ken sussing Jason out as a poser and promising to reveal that he's not all he seems. Considering all of Jason's tortured memories of killing kind gay vamp Eddie, Ken just might be right. Any illusion that this camp is about more than demonizing vampires goes out the window right away, by the way, as it seems their only activities are playing Capture the Flag, listening to inappropriately sexy songs about going on a date with Jesus, and learning how to better hate vampires. Sounds like a fun time!

Maryann is still up to her mysterious ways, this week coming to Merlotte's, eating everything on the menu and finally meeting Sookie. By the way, Maryann? Thinks in a male Latin voice. Ancient demon, perhaps? I can't wait to find out! After she eats enough food to feed the LSU Tigers offensive (and defensive) line, she somehow then entices the entire bar to dance and generally just go wild. Wild with black eyes, which just isn't natural. Ask Sam and Dean Winchester. When Sam threatens her, she does the freaky vibration dance again and causes Sam to shapeshift into a dog, promising him that she can do this to him any time she pleases so he needs to cool it unless he wants all of his friends to know what he really is. Looks like Maryann is going to have Sam on quite the short leash now, huh? (Get it? Leash? I kill me.)

Also in this episode: new waitress Daphne is an idiot, Andy is still a self-pitying drunk and Arlene and Terry continue their flirtation.

Random thoughts:

• The aftermath of Eric's brutal attack on the homophobic AIDS burger guy was completely gruesome and completely terrifying, which made it completely awesome. More things like this, please! I like my vamps to be scary, not sparkly. And handsome. Nice haircut, E.
• This is the structure every week: Bill and Sookie are happy. Bill and/or Sookie does something to make the other one angry. Bill and Sookie fight. Bill and Sookie make up. It's only two episodes in and this is already getting old.
• I would like to thank the producers for finding ways to get Ryan Kwanten shirtless every episode. It is much appreciated.
• Does anyone know what song played during the credits? Me likey.

Favorite quotes:

• "Is there blood in my hair?" - Eric
• "Don't get it twisted, honey, I'm a survivor first, a capitalist second and a whole bunch of other sh*** after that, but a hooker dead last. So if I've got even a Jew at an Al Qaeda pep rally shot at getting my black ass up out this motherf****r, I'm taking it." - Lafayette
  
  

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