'Top Chef Masters' premiere: Girl scout sweets and dorm dining

June 10, 2009 10:38 PM

What makes the culinary demigods competing on "Top Chef Masters" quake in their Crocs? Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the Girl Scout of Doom.

Our competitors are all wildly successful restaurateurs with buckets of awards. They'll compete in heats, with one advancing from each group of four to the champion's round. The winner of this round gets $10,000 for the charity of his choice. Our cheftestants:

Michael Schlow
Restaurant: Radius, Boston
Charity: The Cam Neely Foundation

Tim Love
Restaurants: The Lonesome Dove Western Bistro and The Love Shack, Fort Worth
Charity: March of Dimes

Christopher Lee
Restaurant: Aureole, New York
Charity: Autism Speaks

Hubert Keller
Restaurants: Fleur de Lys, San Francisco and St. Louis; The Burger Bar, Las Vegas and St. Louis
charity: The Make a Wish Foundation

I'll admit to being a bit unsure about this show -- how do you really challenge top-of-their-game chefs? Then we get to the quickfire challenge, those worries fall away. Not only do the cheftestants have to create a dessert, they're preparing it for girl scouts. Hah! They've got to come up with a sweet something that a tween girl would love without dumbing down their cuisine. Brilliant!

The chefs realize the mess they're in almost immediately. Michael has a crappy time altogether (his cake won't bake, his ice cream won't set) and covers things up with a chocolate ganache. But that sort of rich, dark chocolate doesn't work with the scouting set that thrives Thin Mints. The scouts give him 2 1/2 stars. He says he'd give himself less.

Tim and Christopher both get 3 1/2 stars for their efforts. Tim's strawberry milkshake is too sour (because it's made with actual fruit?), and his chicken-fried strawberry (brilliant!) is deemed too soft by the Little Redhead Scout, who is apparently going for her Acerbic Criticism badge. Christopher thought that kids love French toast -- and he was wrong. Little Redhead Scout thinks his caramelized bananas were burnt and another scout thinks the dish tastes like hash brown.

Only Hubert knows how to play to his audience: He creates a chocolate mousse and meringue swan, and decorates the plate with a whipped cream mouse. The scouts are smitten. There's also fruit with orange sabayon, but let's face it, the scouts are all cooing over the plating. 5 stars.

Elimination
Next trauma: Dorm Dining. The chefs must cook a three-course meal using only a toaster oven, a hot plate and a microwave. And they have to do it in actual dorm rooms. HAH! I LOVE this show!

Tim accidentally stores his groceries in the freezer, not the refrigerator, and his produce in now mulch. Ouch. He improvises, whipping up quasi-posole (no hominy, so he uses he ruined squash as the base) and skirt steak. Impressive

Michael embraces pork, adding bacon (the world's most perfect food) to his cabbage soup and serving pork a la apicuis for his third course. One of the college students calls the pork "an adventure in my mouth," and critic Gael Greene adores the sauce.

Christopher gets points for actually using the microwave -- to pop popcorn, which garnishes his ceviche. Hah! He also presents risotto (wow, that's ballsy) and pan-roasted pork chops. The risotto tastes great, but doesn't quite have the right texture. The pork chops are either perfectly dressed or have too much on the plate, depending on who you listen to.

Hubert turns mad chef with his dish, using the shower to rinse, cool and then reheat the pasta he's using for mac and cheese with prawns. I applaud your ingenuity, but dude, did you REALLY stick a dorm showerhead into food you were about to serve to people? Nasty!

The dishes are judged by both college diners and professional critics. On the pro side, we have Gael Greene (New York magazine restaurant critic, master of disguise, owner of many a kicky chapeau), Jay Raynor (obligatory accented reality show judge, restaurant critic for the Observer, polar opposite of Toby Young) and James Oseland (editor of Saveur magazine, possibly a paid toadier to Gael -- he agrees with her a LOT.) I guess asking chefs to judge fellow chefs would be... uncomfortable. But these paid critics aren't half as harsh at Little Redhead Scout -- put her on the panel full-time!

Hubert emerges victorious with 20.5 stars. Go Hubert! He's on his way to the champion's round, and the Make a Wish Foundation is $10,000 richer. Well done.

Highlights, thoughts and odds and ends

It looks like we shouldn't expect a clash of personalities in this series -- the chefs all seem to genuinely like and respect each other. I'm happy for them... but slightly disappointed for us.
Christopher seemed to be the most competitive of the lot, and even he talked up his rivals. Consider this response to Tim's frozen-food dilemma: "If he pulls this off, he should win, because he'd be really a top chef master in my opinion."
Tim talks up his cowboy status, and laments and/or brags that he doesn't have the culinary education or five-star apprenticeship that these other chefs do. He also takes a shot of tequila to calm his nerves.
One of the scouts says Michael's peanut butter chocolate candies taste like Tagalongs. That's my second-favorite Girl Scout cookie, so I'll take that as a good thing.
I love the unexpected judges they're getting -- and feel for those chefs. When I was a girl scout, I didn't eat strawberries (or anything that occurred in nature), and I spent my four years of college consuming a steady diet of Cap'n Crunch, Diet Pepsi and white bread. (I'm much better now).
The chefs are all moderately mystified by the microwave. Hee.
Michael is appalled that he resident of the dorm room he's using didn't make his bed. Dude, when I was in college, someone stole my roommate's and my beds, and we didn't notice initially because we had so much rap on the floor.
Can we get Jay as the Obligatory Accented Judge on the regular season? Unlike some people (cough, Toby, cough) Jay's comments made sense, he didn't reach for overblown analogies, and he struck me as someone who isn't so in love with the sound of his own voice.
Consider this voice-of-wisdom comment from Jay: "If you're offered limited cooking facilities, it does seem to me to be cheating slightly to avoid the issue by not coking one of the dishes at all.: Very good point -- but each and every chef did it, so it's a wash.

13 Comments

I so agree, I say Hubert stick that dorm showerhead straight into the pasta and gagged. Does he realize what people sometimes do in dorm room shower stalls. OMG! Those you ate it should get tested! Yuck!

Florinda | June 11, 2009 12:49 AM

I loved the girl's response to Hubert's dessert. As soon as they went "Ooooh!", I knew that it was over.

I really liked that these established chefs gained a respect for what the regular Top Chef contestants go through.

Amanda | June 11, 2009 1:00 AM

i liked the overall show format...i just didn't like how the results are compiled. like in the end, granted michael had like 14 stars, and tim had like 15 stars (i don't recall the total amount)...but what makes the host (choi) think that chris would have more than 14 stars? or if hubert keller would get more than 14 stars. so to kick him and then tim off...it was pretty much pre-determined for a contest (even though its for charity too). i also thought that doing a blind judge test would be more ideal...since many of these critics/writers, know who they are and may be friends with many of them. just my two cents. =)

chris | June 11, 2009 7:30 AM

it's distracting to have an anorexic host on a cooking show--critics were boring judges--can't wait for gail next episode.

tim | June 11, 2009 8:08 AM

I wish they would let these amazing chefs actually show us what they can REALLY do instead of putting them in these hokey challenges with moronic limitations. Maybe that works for the regular version of the show but not with chefs of this caliber.

I don't watch this show to see highly respected and successful chefs cook in a dorm. I watch to see them make amazing food...artificial limits do nothing to enhance the enjoyment of the show for me.

MC | June 11, 2009 8:47 AM

MC, I disagree -- we KNOW they can do incredible things with amazing food. If you want to see them do that, go to their restaurants. There's no challenge in giving them a gazillion dollars, all the truffles they can carry, and no limits -- they do that every day.

But when you take these seasoned professionals and ask them if they can STILL create amazing food under cir***stances they never imagined ... well, that's fun to watch.

I respect Keller all the more for being able to (1) read his audience and give them something they're going to love while till producing something he loves, and (2) working creatively with the materials he had at hand. Even if I do agree with Florinda that everyone who ate his pasta needs to go to the clinic NOW and get a full battery of tests. Bleh.

Sarah | June 11, 2009 8:57 AM

Sarah, these chefs are from all over the country, the chances the someone will be able to visit the restaurants is pretty slim.

And there is certainly a happy medium somewhere between unlimited funds/no restrictions and cook in a college dorm. The quickfire for example was great. It gave them a requirement (dessert) and their audience and let them go from there.

MC | June 11, 2009 9:11 AM

I'm with Sarah. There are plenty of shows/books/etc. that feature chefs of this caliber doing straight-up cooking. Part of the fun is seeing how they work under challenging conditions. I thought the dishes they made WERE amazing. They stayed true to their styles of cooking while staying within the limitations. I mean, c'mon, the judges said Hubert's starter could have been served in his restaurant. What's not amazing about that?

Chris, the results aren't pre-determined in the way you're saying. Since it's filmed and edited, they have the luxury of being able to tally the votes so they can determine in which order to announce the results. It's done on many reality shows.

And Sarah, you're right about the lack of fireworks between the chefs, but I'm also entertained by seeing the camaraderie between peers. It's one of the things I enjoyed about The Next Iron Chef ... they like and respect each other but they're also highly competitive, so they have a lot of fun with it. They get their digs at each other, but it's not mean-spirited.

Beth | June 11, 2009 10:21 AM

I enjoyed the show and look forward to the rest of the series (although I kinda hate to see three chefs cut after only one round). I definitely like the respect the chefs have for each other, and the good sense of humor all of them showed.

magz | June 11, 2009 2:43 PM

i loved this show and i don't mind that the chefs RESPECTED each other. they're competitive, THAT'S IMPORTANT.

what i didn't like was the host. something was offputting about her but i can't put my finger on it.

renee | June 11, 2009 4:36 PM