'The Bachelorette': No more Ed TV

Tonight on "The Bachelorette," will snitches get stitches for ratting out the guys with girlfriends? Probably not, since Dave is gone.

Jillian and her Bachelors are in Whistler, British Columbia, which appears to be a beautiful ski resort. There are two solo dates and a group date for the guys this week. The first date is a solo for Michael (the ambiguously sexual break-dancer). Seriously, he's like a Ken doll. He's probably all smooth [whispers] down there.

Michael and Jillian go zip-lining, which looks like an absolute blast. They have fun together, but it seems more like they are really good buddies, rather than romantic interests. Jillian even likens him to a puppy. You want to play ball with a puppy, you don't want to make out with a puppy.

When they go to dinner, they get more serious talking about relationships and marriage, but I still don't see a sparkage. Michael talks about his recent break-up and how he hasn't been on a date since. Hmmm. That's a bit of a red flag; the show is "The Bachelorette," not "The Rebound."

I just cannot stop staring at his Butt Chin. It's like the mole on Fred Savage in the Austin Powers movie. BUTT CHIN, BUTT CHIN, BUTT CHIN. Jillian does eventually give him the rose, which I think is a mistake. Michael's a sweetie but he's not her guy.

The group date invite arrives at the Bachelor Chateau. Wes, Robby, Kiptyn, Tanner, Ed, Jake, Reid and Mark are in for the group date. That leaves Jesse for the other solo date. The guys then chat about who might have a girlfriend. Wes eavesdrops from the balcony while Ed says he thinks someone made it up because nobody has mentioned a girlfriend. So Ed was feeling the sketchiness from some guys even without knowing about the girlfriend thing? Interesting.

Group Date. Jillian picks Robby to ride with her on the snowmobile, while all the other guys have to double up. Some are fronts and some are backs. Hee. In Robby's alone time, he expresses his frustration with not getting alone time last episode because of the whole accusation ordeal.

Back with the guys, they take turns playing Bash Robby. It's a little surprising -- he seems okay. They make fun of how young he is, which is just ugly envy coming from Just-for-Men-botoxed-face Wes.

Tanner takes his alone time and she wants to know who it is with the girlfriend. In a talking-head, Tanner says he knows for a fact who has a girlfriend but then to Jillian's face he still pusses out. GOD! If I were Jillian, I'd punch him right in his two-sided face. NUT UP, dude.

Speaking of two-face, Wes has alone time now. He really skeeves me out; what is her deal? He then takes time to mention his new CD (barf) but insists that he's not there to promote it. Right. You just happened to get on this show when you have a CD coming out and you just happen to never shut up with that damn song about love not coming easy. Jillian talking-heads that there's no way it's Wes who has a girlfriend. Oh, Jillian... there is a hard fall coming.

That night Jillian takes alone time with Kiptyn and reassures him that she doesn't suspect him. She's a little drunk and giggly, it's hilarious. They make out -- it's pretty steamy. Reid is next for alone time and after some small talk, she just blurts out, "So who has a girlfriend?" Reid just rattles off a bunch of names and then says that he, himself, has two wives. It's funny. Jillian decides she should stop asking the guys and just trust her own heart. Oh, Jillian.

Ed has some alone time now and he is obviously upset about something. He then confides that his boss is pressuring him to get back to work (how long has he been gone? Three weeks?) and says that he's jeopardizing his job. He's obviously really conflicted about what to do, so later Jillian gives him the rose so that he knows that she wants him to be here but there is no pressure either. Man, that sucks all the way around.

The next day, Jesse and Jillian take off on their solo date. They fly to a glacier on a ski plane, which is cool as hell. They flop down in the powdery snow and have more relationshippy talk, then they talk about having kids while they sit around the fire. It's nice and stuff, but everything is pretty blah until the HOT TUB. Mmmm, I wish I had a hot tub. Jill and Jesse drink champagne and smooch. It's not quite the overnight-hot-tub-romp with Jason, but it's right up there. Jesse also gets a rose.

After he gets the rose, he says, "I'm gleaming. I'm glowing" and my boyfriend pipes up, "Is he pregnant?"

Ed now crushes Jillian by telling her that he has to leave. He says he's not being fair to his job, so he's headed home. That's so crappy. I mean, sure, it's his job, but it's not like he was forced to go on the show. He knew what he was signing on for and it's crappy to bail when it turns out to go on longer than you anticipated. BOOOOO, ED! I liked him, too.

They cry and hug and the slow-jam-plinky-plunks of heartbreak play in the background. I just can't get too worked up, though. She's still canoodling with 10 dudes and if Ed was really sparking as The One, he wouldn't be leaving. Say hi to the Windy City for me, Ed!

Jillian tells Chris that she was falling for Ed, but she very conspicuously doesn't use the words "in love." She says she wanted to learn more about him and it makes her sad. For me, with Ed gone, I'm rooting for Kiptyn, Reid, Jake and Robby. The other guys I can take or leave. Except Wes. I wouldn't take him anywhere. Except maybe the dumpster.

Rose Ceremony. Tonight Jillian only has to eliminate one guy (since Ed took care of the other spot). Michael and Jesse are already safe, so Jillian has six roses to dole out. I'm betting that Tanner is a goner. He's a putz who jerked her around with the "girlfriend" thing. Plus he's got the icky foot thing.

The roses go to Reid, Kiptyn, Robby, Jake, Tanner (I am surprised!) and (pleasebeMarkpleasebeMark) Wes. Gross. He's dressed like a homeless Backstreet Boy. Ugh. Mark takes it like a champ and that's all she wrote for tonight.

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