'I'm a Celebrity': Welcome Holly Montag!

We last left our intrepid "I'm a Celebrity" contestants hanging tough for immunity. Who pulled it off?

Janice reassures us that she wants to compete but isn't feeling well. Spare me. The first to drop is Patti, followed by Daniel, Salley, Stephen, and Torrie. Aw man! Sanjaya drops and Lou Diamond wins it. Everybody thinks it's pretty weak that Janice couldn't compete.

We are now given the voting numbers and it turns out immunity this week wasn't for the whole team, it was only for Lou Diamond. Well, in that case... I'm okay with losing Janice, Patti or Stephen. I like everybody else and think they try hard.

Jungle Animal Montage. The animatronic monkeys and bears and whatnot are on overdrive. Surprisingly, nobody is wussy about it, they all seem pretty excited about nature, so good for them. Janice gives a talking-head about it and I am struck by how much she resembles the Joker. No more plastic surgery, please. You're scaring the children.

Janice "Works" Montage. She gets assigned the dishes but ends up pawning most of it off on Sanjaya. She reminds us that she's been famous since she was 74. I mean, 1974. She also tries the "spit shine" approach, which is gross.

Now Holly Montag joins the cast. I actually liked her on "The Hills," she's 10x better than Spencer and Heidi. Her not-loving-Spencer and not-as-high-maintenance-as-Heidi wins her some immediate points. Janice especially likes Holly, but I think that's more due to the fact that Janice can get more fame this way. Everyone is fairly suspicious of the instant BFFing of Janice and Holly.

Food Challenge Time. Daniel/Lou Diamond compete against Janice/Holly for hotdogs and potato chips. The challenge is a giant game of Operation. One partner is retrieving stars out of a log with two tongs and if they touch the sides of the star cutout, the other team member gets a shock. HAHA! Awesome. The stars and openings get smaller as the challenge goes on.

Holly gets her first star no prob, but then Janice gets a few shocks. Her initial reaction would have you believe the shock nodes are attached to her bajingo but she powers through. Holly manages to get 4 stars, well done, Montag! Finally a challenge that favors the women (dexterity, little hands, all that).

Lou Diamond ties Holly with 4 stars. The tie-breaker is to go back to the biggest star/opening and see who can do it the fastest. Lou gets his in 22 seconds, but Holly gets hers in 17 seconds! WOO HOO! Well done, Holly!

Daily Blago Sympathy Montage. Husband on trial boo hoo everybody feels bad boo hoo he only shook down a children's hospital blahblahblah scandalcakes. The only people in this mess who get any sympathy from me are the Blago children, it's not their fault. But they also aren't on this show. Moving on.

The girls get their food and they all are wishing they could share with the guys, but the show reprimanded the guys about it, so they don't share. Everybody but Janice is sad, I should say. She even rubs it in about how good the food is. Seriously, what happened to the awesome lady I liked the first two episodes?

That night at camp, everyone shares about pivotal moments in their lives. Two of Salley's friends got in a fight and one was shot and killed and his NBA coach wouldn't let him go home to avenge the death. Well, I think that was probably a good decision because it probably saved John Salley's life. Salley seems to understand that, though, so that's good.

Torrie shares about visiting the troops in Iraq, Lou Diamond shares about his friend dying of AIDS and never coming out of the closet, Sanjaya shares about his grandpa's death (I remember that from his season on Idol) and how he started helping his grandma afterwards. He starts crying about having to step up and be the man, it's very nice.

Night Vision Peeing Time. Janice gets up at night and urinates right next to her bed. GROSS! The next day, Lou Diamond gets a scroll that says you cannot pee in camp anymore. He (and I) cannot believe that rule even had to be made. Shouldn't that just be understood? Janice pretends like she's all curious and outraged as to who has been urinating in camp. That makes Lou Diamond suspicious of her because he was not born yesterday on the turnip truck. Snerk.

The guys now play a trick on Janice by putting a piece of wood that looks like a rat in her satchel. She barely reacts but then tells Holly she's going to take a dump in Daniel's pillow. Man, I would pay good money to see that.

Janice's Intervention. Janice thinks the Baldwins are bullies, which is quite the pot-kettle-black moment, but everybody is sick of Janice's crap, even sweet Torrie and Patti. Lou Diamond takes her aside for a chat and he's super nice about confronting her, but of course she gets her hackles up and gets all defensive and then cries. It's gross, she's all martyr-y and passive-aggressive and "everybody hates me." Cry me a river, lady. Grow up.

Luxury Challenge Time. Torrie and Patti are taking on Salley and Stephen in a lumberjack challenge. They have to saw through a big log to release a scroll that contains a math problem that unlocks a combination lock box that has a star inside.

Patti and Torrie actually kick butt at sawing and are first to release their scroll. The guys catch up and by 7 or so minutes in, both scrolls are released. 33 minutes in nobody has the combination yet. Seriously, folks. It's basic math! The girls eventually win, yay! Finally some Girl Power!

Salley likens it to losing Game 7 in the NBA championship while having the better team. I wouldn't go that far, Patti and Torrie worked extremely well together and Stephen and John couldn't get their crap straight. Salley is extremely frustrated with Stephen as a partner and pouts quite a bit about it.

Everybody Hates Janice Montage. Oh, suck it up. Maybe if you weren't so abrasive and self-centered, everybody would like you more. It's an easy thing to figure out. She's refusing to eat to get attention and to get people to cajole her to eat. She talks about her illness and wanting compassion and it's so old. Everybody vote for other people to stay! Send Janice home!

She brings up the stuff John Salley said to her like a week ago and he points out to her that he apologized. Yes! Salley talking-heads, "When you see crazy coming, cross the street." Heh heh. Daniel piles on about her pulling her weight and stepping up, so Stephen takes charge and says, "Let's get real, let's get honest!"  It's Real World: Costa Rica, apparently. What happens when 8 strangers are in the jungle and they stop being polite and start getting real.

Does anybody remember the old SNL sketch that made fun of Real World: Los Angeles where Mike Myers is Dominic from Dublin? Man, that was funny.

Janice then tells everyone that they don't like or get her humor but that the rest of the world does. Uh, not this girl. And apparently Janice is menopausing. Yikes.

Patti and Torrie collect the luxury prize, which is a jump rope, weights, boxing gloves and four granola bars. Janice takes one of the granola bars out of the confessional booth in night vision and then throws the wrapper in the woods. I smell a Kel from Survivor: Australian Outback scandal coming on. When everyone discovers one of the granola bars is missing, it is on like Donkey Kong. Janice straight-up lies to us in the confessional booth about it. I mean, does she not know the cameras are always rolling?

Live Portion. The hosts inform Lou Diamond (as camp leader) that he gets to talk to a loved one back home, but he also has to choose two camp members to talk to their loved ones too. Lou chooses Daniel Baldwin because his wife is eight months pregnant (fair) and someone else. It's garbled because the hosts can't shut their pie holes. We then find out via a product placement for Skype that it's Patti Blago. Well, I suppose she has kids that probably need their mom right now, so that's fine. But if they really needed their mom, she wouldn't be out in the jungle. Hmph.