'I'm a Celebrity': mfin' snakes in an mfin' box

There is a very freaky snake challenge tonight on "I'm a Celebrity." Some other stuff happens but none of that is going to give me nightmares.

The hosts welcome us, reminding about the thunderstorm from last night that shook the very ground they stood on, opening up a chasm in the ground that swallowed Janice Dickinson and then resealed itself with a resounding belch. No, I'm sorry, that didn't happen. We can only dream.

John is reigning as new camp leader but not everybody loves his new regime. There's a Pedro-Puck-peanut-butter incident involving Stephen Baldwin dipping into the rice pot with dirty hands. Stephen takes umbrage with having to wash his hands when he uses utensils to eat. Well, I sort-of get that logic (though I don't agree with it, I think you should wash your hands before you eat even if you do have a fork and spoon) but Baldwin reached into the community rice pot and grabbed rice with his bare hand. That's gross, Baldwin.

The celebs are now given a camcorder to play with, so Stephen decides they should make a slasher flick in the jungle and Lou Diamond can direct. Awesome. They get all these props (from the Jungle Halloween Store, apparently) and slowly everybody gets totally into it. Lou Diamond gets WAY into it as director, it's hilarious. Dear god, they should release this on DVD. I would totally watch it and I am not even kidding.

When filming Holly walking across the bridge, Lou falls in the river and talking-heads that he "got his feet wet in horror films." Hee! Holly is the young, sweet ingenue and has a love scene with Sanjaya. Awww! There's a shower scene with Torrie (natch) and John takes a knife to the head, it's fabulous. Please more of the movie! I mean, seriously. Put that online somewhere, release it on DVD!

Food Challenge. Lou and Torrie face off in a game where they have to reach into a plexiglass box to grab stars but the box is full of snakes. Not garter snakes either, like big mamma-jammas and there are 35 of them. Guys, I can't watch much of this challenge, that is how much snakes creep me out. The way they move is FREAKY! Guh!

Now, the editing makes it look like the snakes are much more agitated than they actually are towards the contestants, but I'm still freaked out. Lou manages to pull out a win but it's very, very close. Also, there is a snake that goes OUT OF THE TOP OF THE CASE and ESCAPES. Seriously, that sucker wiggles away at lightning speed and hisses at his fellow snakes, "Follow me! Follow me to freedom!"

Sanjaya is Janice's Bitch Montage. Apparently, he goes from Sanjaya the guy to Sanjaya, Janice's gay pool boy. He then has a rather emotional confessional interview talking about how people act like he's the "gay best friend" because he likes to knit or do hair, even though he isn't gay. It's crappy and his friends should know better.

Immunity Challenge. Each celeb has a bucket full of jungle slime above them and if they jostle their arm holding the bucket, it comes raining down and they are eliminated. Weirdly, Stephen chooses not to participate because he'd rather win "not by chance" because then he wins due to the American public vote. Huh. That's bizarre.

Janice is out almost before the whistle blows. Then Torrie gets a giggling fit, which makes her bucket tip, which makes slime dribble on her, which makes her giggle harder. That's just a recipe for disaster, so Torrie is soon out. Patti is next to go, followed by John. Holly has struck this hilarious goddess/warrior pose but eventually uses her other hand to touch the post, which is illegal, so she's out and then Sanjaya just concedes to Lou Diamond.

Slasher Movie Screening. Please put the whole thing online, please put the whole thing online. Someone edited in credits, which is awesome and named it "Celebrity Sleepover Camp." They get a great Patti line with "I'm not a celebrity, what am I doing here?" It's fantastic. Torrie should actually go be a Scream Queen. Stephen Baldwin remarks that this might actually be his best work. Snerk.

Sanjaya and Holly have a cute flirty-flirty scene, then Patti runs through the jungle all scared and gets drug into the river. Nobody survives, it's excellent. They must put it online, they have to! How freaking adorable was that?

Sanjaya Makes Ears Bleed Montage. Apparently, he won't stop singing around camp and everybody is ready to punch him. Stephen gets another good line with, "I almost ripped his esophagus out."

We end tonight with John Salley (as camp leader) being forced to grant one person immunity from this week's vote but he can pick himself. He has 20 seconds to decide, but he immediately blurts out, "Myself." Duh. Why wouldn't you pick yourself?

The phone lines are now open so you can vote on who to keep. Two celebs get eliminated this week. I'm hoping it's Janice and Patti.

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