'Burn Notice' Premiere: Michael's in hot water. No, literally.

"Burn Notice" is back! Time for more twisty agent hijinks, big booms, double-crosses, accents, yogurt consumption, and, of course, spy tips from Michael. Whee!

When last we saw out hero, he was rejecting a job offer by  jumping out of a helicopter. We pick up Michael him swimming five miles to shore (in suit pants) only to discover that sore muscles and horrific chafing are the least of his worries. Now that Management isn't looking out for him, the cops, foreign agencies, and everyone he's ever pissed off (a long list) are gunning for him. Which means Michael gets to spend some time in jail.

Harlan, an old colleague from his overseas days, finds Michael and bails him out. Coincidentally, Harlan has a job for Mike! Harlan's been working in Venezuela, and he's gotten involved with a comely lass whose family farm was confiscated at the engineering of a corrupt lawyer. Her sickly father was thrown in jail. Woe is she! Harlan to the rescue, but Harlan needs help. He's very pretty, but none too bright. Need evidence? He almost gets them killed in El Jefe's club. Nice going, Harlan.

Mike hatches a plan to lure El Jefe with a fake deal, with Mike masquerading as  a hapless errand-boy lawyer. That means he gets beaten up (to the tune of a dislocated shoulder) by El Jefe's security chief, threatened, shot at, and otherwise abused. But Michael finally engineers a meet with El Jefe, and the team throws its plan into action. It involves a stolen garbage truck (the better to smash and disable your trail car, my dear), Sam with a sniper rifle, Harlan in a van, and Michael with a concealed knife. It goes off without a hitch. Wow, that was easy! Maybe adjusting to post-Management-protection life won't be so hard after all!

Or.... not. Harlan is working for El Jefe's partners, who are nervous that an anti-corruption campaign directed may expose all of their secrets. They'd rather see El Jefe dead than testifying, and Harlan obliges. He's keeping Michael around to hand over as El Jefe's assassin. Harlan felt used and abused as Michael's partner all those years ago. Me is more smarter then you did thunk! he sneers. If you're so smart, Harlan, why don't you realize that Michael has another knife hidden on his person, and that he's just been talking to you to see if you're in any way redeemable. Let the ass-kicking commence! Harlan gets the upper hand  (in Michael's defense, he cut himself up badly getting out of the ropes), so Michael dives into the water. Harlan throws down  barrel full of fuel and shoots it, turning the surface of the water into a sheet of flame. Michael escapes, snookers Harlan, beats the crap our of him, and leaves him tied up for El Jefe's extraction team. They won't be able to bring El Jefe to justice, but at least they can make some hay with Harlan.

Highlights, thoughts and odds and ends

• I knew the job had to be off the moment we met Marta -- her story was just too good. I expected her to be the double-crossing assassin, not Harlan.
• Management sends Michael a sweet little card while he's in jail -- a fluffy kitty with the words "We miss you!" At least it's not "Hang in there!"
• Maddy is most put out that her home got moderately blown up. Give it a rest! Sam was saving your life, and at least it wasn't Fi, who would have left nothing larger than a charcoal briquette.
• Harlan pours beer into a half-eaten cup of yogurt to make the world's most disgusting smoothie.
• Michael decides that what he really needs is to get back into an agency's good graces. Oh, Michael... we like you so much better as a lone white knight.
• Oh, how I've missed the ever-helpful captions. When Harlan calls their target "The boss -- I forgot how to say it in Spanish"," the captions helpfully inform us that it's El Jefe. Thanks, Captions!
• Fi is appalled that Michael let the goon dislocate his shoulder, even though he had to maintain his cover. "Couldn't you have just , you know, accidentally snapped his neck?  Made it look innocent?"
• More fun with quotes: Sam: "Easy on the explosives, Fi. We're tying to nail this guy on corruption charges. Could be tough if he's in little pieces." Fi: "We'll save on shipping!"

Spy tips from Michael

• "Just because you can escape from a situation doesn't mean you should... sometimes you have to remember it's easier to dodge questions than bullets." Awww, but dodging bullets is so  much more fun!
• In high-security areas, folks in uniform aren't your problem. It's the people with wary looks and loose shirts that can easily conceal a gun.
• Most security devices are one-way. If something is designed to keep people out, it's a lot easier to break out of than break into.
• A high-status cover ID usually makes people suspicious. Pretend to be a lackey and no one will blink an eye.
• Garbage trucks are easy to steal because they're hard to hide and harder to sell. So, unless you're using it as a battering ram for a smash-and-grab, why bother?
• "There's a reason it's called bullet resistant glass, not bullet proof, The right bullet will take out any glass." Good to know!
• In a close space, a knife is more effective -- and scarier! -- than  gun.
• Fire on top of water is actually a good thing for a hiding spy -- the flames turn the surface of he water into a mirror. All you have to worry about is finding a place on the surface where the fire isn't consuming all the oxygen. Um, yay?
• Fair fight, schmair schmight. Spies don't fight for fun or honor -- they fight to win.

What did you think of Burn Notice's return? I though the episode was a little meh -- fine for mid-season, but I expect more from a premiere. Do you agree, or am I completely off-base?

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