'The Real Housewives of New Jersey' Premiere

Tonight, Bravo premiered The Real Housewives of New Jersey. Secure your hairspray, self-tanner and rhinestones because it's going to be a bumpy ride.

Teresa, has jet black hair that she swears isn't New Jersey big but it looks big to me. She is married to Joe with their 3 daughters. Joe owns a construction business and they've been building a new house for 3 years because Teresa thinks living in "someone else's house" is "gross". I'm more grossed out by how she and her friends jabber about how she needs "bubbies" and how we watch her spend $120,360.00 in the first 10 minutes of the show.

Dina is the blond. She thinks her 12 year old daughter, Lexi, relies on her too much what with her having to cook dinner on occasion. To handle this issue, she has hired a nanny to teach her daughter "how to run a household". Lexi just wants to know if the hired help will be required to wear a uniform and call her "your majesty". She also informs up that she would hate having a mother who was "fat and old". It sort of warms the cockles of the heart to see the future generation being taught such strong values, doesn't it?

Caroline has close cropped red hair and is Dina's older sister. Also, her husband is Dina's husband's brother. Most of the family seems to work at the Brownstone, a banquet location that Caroline's husband owns. The only one who doesn't work there is Albie - often described as "the golden child", who is going to college to be a lawyer. Her other son wants to open a car was and a strip club. Caroline describes herself as the last old school housewife, devoted to her family first and her career second.

Jacqueline is Caroline and Dina's sister-in-law. She comes form Las Vegas and admits she thought New Jersey was the armpit of the world before she moved there for her husband. I am not sure what the makes Las Vegas, though. Dina and Caroline describe Jacqueline as having a heart of gold and always looking for the very best in everyone. Yet somehow, that has lead her to form a friendship with Danielle.

Danielle tells us that at 45 she remains confident about her looks due to her diligence in taking care of her body. She leaves out the marvels of modern science and the pioneering efforts of Cher that have made her expressionless face possible. She brags about how much money her former husband had and how she had the first black AmEx in Jersey, getting hers even before Madonna. And she got Madonna's credit history how, exactly?

After meeting all the women, most of the episode centers on Danielle getting stood up by a man she met on the internet whom she only knows by the handle "Gucci Model". But despite not knowing his name or anything else about him other than he had a profile on wealthyman.com, she has been having phone sex with him for 2 years and sent him naked pics of herself. Jacqueline and Teresa had decided to spy on her blind date, so after about 3 hours of Danielle sitting alone they joined her for drinks after she calls the man up and tells him to die.

Of course, the must introduce some between the wives drama, so it looks like most of this season with center on how Danielle is completely out of touch with reality and how Caroline and Dina don't trust her and don't want her within 10 miles of their inner circle and family. However, that inner circle is apparently small and loud, as tonight wraps up with Danielle showing up at the salon everyone else frequents to let them know that she is "irritated" at not being invited to their night on the town. Jacqueline is clearly in the middle with Dina wanting nothing to do with Danielle's crazy.

So, how long until we get to see that table flip scene? Do these housewives measure up to those of seasons past?

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