'Gossip Girl': Tell Jesus the bitch is back

Say this for "Gossip Girl" -- this show is able to stretch very little activity, coupled with excellent clothes and beautiful young people with fabulous snarls into an hour of pretty fair entertainment. I don't want to live in a place where vengeance is a sacrament, but I don't mind visiting once in a while.

These spoilers pay dividends -- but don't tell Rufus...

Serena spreads the word to her friends about Gabriel and Poppy's scam, and Operation Revenge is on, baby. Blair brings the Wooden Mannequin, a.k.a. Nate, along as they put together their scheme, and Chuck arrives with Georgina (to a fabulous angelic chorus), who swears that since she's found God she has a real problem with lying and deception. Thankfully, Serena doesn't -- and to smoke Gabriel out she tells him she thinks she might be pregnant. What I can't figure out is her whining about not knowing what's real or what's not. You got played, Serena. Full stop.

Serena's determined to handle the situation on her own to get the money back -- even more so because she feels bad that Rufus was dumb enough to invest Dan's college money in an investment he knew little about without even seeing a prospectus. Gabriel calls back and Serena goes to meet him, Chuck in tow, to learn the specifics of his and Poppy's Ponzi scheme. Serena and her mother with the big marks, he confesses -- but then Gabriel started to develop feelings for her. Oh, brother.

Meanwhile, Lily finds out what went down and meets with her lawyer to inventory the damage. She decides that instead of calling the cops and acknowledging the scandal, the adult thing to do is to let Poppy go and just pay back everyone who got taken. And she warns Serena to back off and let it go.

But what spoiled Upper East Sider actually listens when expressly forbidden to meddle in criminal matters? Like a vicious Scooby Doo gang minus the dog, Serena and her pals trundle off to the Russian Tea Room, where Georgina -- a.k.a Sherilyn -- will tell some story about being a Canadian oil magnate's daughter in an effort to entrap Poppy on tape. ("Are you a Carrie? I'm a Charlotte.") Prompted by a text from Blair noting that the police are outside to arrest Poppy, Georgina/Sherilynn hands over a fat envelope of cash, which it turns out was boosted from her camp's bible fund. But as Serena goes to explain to the police what's going down, she ends up cuffed and in the squad car. Lily, in a ridiculous effort to save Serena from herself, called the police and told them Serena stole her great-grandmother's diamond bracelet, which Lily had given her earlier. That is some serious tough love -- and putting your kid in the police blotter seems like a dumb way to try to avoid embarrassment, after claiming her real goal was to save Serena's reputation.

And in the end, the dark side has a stronger pull on Georgina than she'd been willing to admit -- she takes over on the mission to make Poppy pay for scamming Lily's friends and neighbors, because Blair and the rest of the gang obviously couldn't handle the rough stuff. I am smitten.

The rest:

• Nate keeps pushing Blair about whether she wants to move in, but she can't move on until she hears once and for all from Chuck whether his feelings for her are real. Knowing he can't make her happy, Chuck lies and says it's all been a game, releasing her to go and be happy with that big dumb dolt, Nate. Then Nate and Blair wisely decide that moving in together is too much too soon -- and start talking about prom instead.
• Poor dumb Rufus. He starts off so happy -- he thinks his finances and Dan and Jenny's educations are secure, and he's ready to propose to Lily -- he's even asking Eric for his blessing. But when his admittedly sweet and lovely (though less grandiose than her previous four marriages) proposal is interrupted and he learns that Lily will pay him back with the ruse of a dividend on his investment, his pride gets in the way. I find it amazing that at this point in the game he could be shocked that Lily could be manipulative -- and even more amazing that a guy whose confidence clearly isn't made of steel could last this long with Lily the human steamroller.
• Speaking of, I have to return to this for just a second. Seriously, who has their kid *arrested* when they're being maddeningly disobedient? Isn't that horse pretty much already out of the barn?
• Blair and Georgina's swordfighting is hilarious -- and the moment when Georgina decides to abandon her reformed ways and quote Ezekiel 25:17 -- or Samuel L. Jackson -- is brilliant.

What did you think? Will Georgina get the money back from Poppy? Do you think Serena's mug shot will be so much hotter than Paris Hilton's? Will Rufus get over himself?