'Bones' Finale: What the hell was THAT?
Remember when some Obama press conferences threatened to bump this episode of "Bones" to next year, and fans raised a stink to make sure we got to see it? Perhaps our president was just looking out for us...Yes, "Booth" and "Brennan" get busy -- naked busy. Yes, they proclaim their love for each other. Yes, "Zack" returns. Yes, we see all the various lab assistants, and Jared is there, and Max, and Carolyn... and none of it matters, because it's either Brennan's new book (which she wisely deletes) or Booth's coma-induced hallucination. Possibly both. What it isn't is any good.
"People say you only live once -- but people are as wrong about that as they are about everything else." So sayeth Hodgins' voiceover, which ushers us into some B&B nookie. They're smiley and happy and the bom, it chicka-wows, for about 5 seconds. But this Booth isn't our Booth, and this Brennan isn't our Brennan, they're married nightclub owners, and a body is discovered in their club -- "The Lab." Just about all the recurring characters we've run into are connected to the club in some way:
- Zack = Brennan's assistant
- Wendell = the club's "doorman"/Booth's heavy
- Fisher = the club's chef
- Vincent Nigel-Murray = the club's DJ
- Angela = the club's hostess
- Hodgins = a pulp mystery writer who frequents the bar
- Sweets = a bartender and aspiring musician
- Daisy = a... slutty girl who has some unspecified role at the club and no rhythm
- Cam = a detective
- Jared = Cam's partner -- and he's still Booth's brother
- Max = a corrupt councilman
- Carolyn = the club's lawyer
- Clark = C-Synch, a rapper and MC who wants to play the club
- Arastoo = a Persian real estate magnate who wants to buy the club
- Gormogon = the name of Sweets' band
- The Gravedigger = a potentially mythical mobster who controls the city, and has Max in his pocket.
Everyone at the club thinks Mr. B did the deed, because he loves Bren so very much and would do anything to protect her. So they go about obstructing justice 3in various ways -- Zach handles the gun, which he finds in Vincent's DJ equipment, destroying any prints that may be on it. Angela neglects to show a map of the club she drew for the dead guy -- she wants to be an interior designer, so.... she draws floor plans of existing clubs on napkins?). Zack and Sweets hide, then destroy, Bren's coat, which was used as a silencer. The list goes on.
After some banter and a few clues -- Max says Jared works for The Gravedigger! Cam says Jared has a thing for Brennan! Max tells everyone not to use cell phone, because They can track your every movement! -- Bren, Mr. B and Cam figure out that Jared was the culprit. He killed the mob heavy to protect Bren, because he loves her. He looks like he's going to commit suicide by cop/Cam, but Bren gets between them and convinces him to put down the gun. Then Mötley Crüe plays, and it looks like Jared will walk for lack of evidence, and everyone lives happily ever after.
All of which served to kill time until we got to the big moment -- our Brennan, the real Brennan, at the real Booth's bedside when he wakes up. The operation was a success, but he had a bad reaction to the anesthesia and he's been in a coma for four days. Booth talks about how real that weird dream he just had felt, then looks at Brennan. "Who are you?" Dun dun DUN! Wait, they had to give us 43 minutes of pointless crap just to get us to that one moment? Really? Sigh.
Highlights, thoughts and odds and ends
- The show apparently hoped to distract us from the train wreck of a script by giving us some decent lines and some fun visuals. We see Booth in a sleeveless shirt, and later in his boxers and a shirt. He also sports a fetching pink robe at one point. Brennan is working the four-inch stilettos and pencil skirts.
- Bren is still very logical, while Mr. B is all emotion
- Fisher, on Zack's reaction to discovering the body: "He screamed like slutty girl number one in a teen horror flick."
- UnSweets on his employment: "I'm a bartender. I'm practically a psychologist!"
- UnCam accuses Bren of being a cold fish. Mr. B disagrees -- "What you are is Iceland -- cool to the touch, but underneath you're all volcano."
- UnVincent, when he and UnZack find the gun: "I'm English. We don't use guns. We use our foreheads." He also describes UnZack as "the type of moron who goes to jail for a murder he didn't commit..."
- UnVincent on his prospects after arrest: "I'm not going to fair well in jail. I'm lovely."
- Mr. B: "should I be upset that everyone thinks that we're murderers, or just happy that everyone is trying to help us get away with it?"
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Yeah, I can't figure out if I like it or not. Interesting to see the 'alternate reality', can't believe the amnesia cliche, and really hoped for something more out of this finale.
Huh. Sweets can sing! I wanna download those songs!
Definitely "Worse episode ever". I can't believe how much I hated this waste of time and I usually love the show.
i'm thinking they stuck the ending on this episode. that this episode really was meant to be next year, in the middle of this year, anytime but the finale.
it was a cute episode. just not a finale worthy episode.
EXCEPT FOR THE ENDING. DUN DUN DUN DUN!!!
A combination of two cliches, "it was all a dream" and amnesia. Still, the dream was never in doubt, and it was kinda fun. Not to be recommended as a season finale, though.
"Who are you?" Gimme a break!
Can we say recycling? Wait a minute, didn't Susan and Mike just go through this? And lo, I think Nicollette Sheridan is Sans Contract. Do I smell a Deja Vous?
The last good episode of Bones was the Ep where Zack was discovered as the apprentice. THen all the good writers went on strike and all the actors, good and bad, decided they just didn't give a crap.
SO in need of a reboot.
As a standalone, fun episode, it was alright. But for a season finale? Very disappointed. Heck, if it was the penultimate episode, that would've been fine.
You know what I think? I think they wanted to have a crime mystery in the episode so they concocted this crazy idea. I think most fans would've been alright if they had a character-focused episode that didn't have a crime (or wasn't focused on a crime - they could've been going about with their daily business). I would've loved to see the people actually expressing how much Booth meant, in moments with each other. I would've loved to see Brennan further explore her feelings for Booth by talking about it with Angela, Cam, and others. I would've loved to see how such a rationale person could take the strain of waiting 4 days. There was a lot they could've played with. Hodgins revisiting his relationship with Angela, how Sweets feels now that his "family" is hurt, how Cam reacts to knowing that Booth is down, someone she has had a long relationship with, and at times, been personal with.
Just disappointed with it, tis all. And knowing that Emily and David had some control over things makes this even more disappointing.
I have to say, though, you got all the funny lines. I especially loved the Vincent/Zack interplay. Again, as a standalone episode, it would've been fine. As a penultimate episode, it would've been interesting and alright, sort of giving a nod to the entire mixed cast this year. As a finale? Very disappointed.
This episode begs to ask this question. Are the Bones' producers interested in attracting new viewers? What would happen if a viewer tuned in for the first time to see a Bones show and saw this episode? In addition, this was the worse season finale episode I have ever seen. What a major disappointment. It almost makes me feel indifferent if Bones was cancelled and I am a big fan of the show. If the producers wanted to make an off beat episode it should have been shown during the season. It makes me mad that I wasted an hour of my time and even madder how the producers of this show let me down.
What the @(&(%&@#*$ was that! Fine, as an episode in the middle somewhere, but not as the finale! Not after the episode before with the whole baby thing, and the brain tumor thing. Don't follow up with crap like this! I almost stopped watching it after 10 minutes, and I LOVE this show. Crap, crap, crap!
It wasn't a just a dream. The entire thing was Brennan's story she was writing while waiting on Booth. It shows what she secretly is envisioning a life with Booth and even though she is so anthropological about marriage being antiquated she desires to have that connection with Booth.